To ask him to leave ?

[Lmox]

last night I asked my husband to leave. He was furious and shocked and I don’t know if IBU? What happened was:

• on Saturday he had a lie on (which I never have) while I looked after 9 month old. We had a meal out booked for DH’s friends birthday, so I was also prepping baby’s meals for the day, meds (he has epilepsy) and arranging babysitter. When I pulled him up on not helping me, he lay in bed staring at ceiling for another hour and a half. He has ADHD so I understand he may have been overwhelmed
• He came downstairs whilst I was in middle of looking after baby and doing my make up etc to say that he thought he should go to night out alone as he needs to be around people who ‘build him up’ he sent text to his friends to say I wouldn’t be coming as I was ill. I was upset as I don’t like lying and I had been texting them just an hour before to arrange our arrival times. DH did apologise for this via text later .
• I was up all night with our baby as he had a nasty cough. I slept about two hours. DH came home at 6am. No text to say he would be out all night. I made clear to him on a number of occasions that I don’t like him staying out all night without letting me know. I know he would have been at friends house but it’s the principle.
• He slept until 12pm the next day and only woke up as I woke him as I needed him to help me get our baby into taxi for a medical appointment. He was still drunk and I was angry
• when I came home from appointment with our son he said that he was really ‘put out’ out about how I’ve spoken to him.

he has half heartedly apologised but I don’t feel he means it. This also follows a very turbulent couple of months when we were in hospital with our son and put a lot of strain on our marriage as I didn’t feel he was supportive. I know he has ADHD and struggles with some things but I feel really hurt by his behaviour and he doesn’t seem bothered IMO

Thanks to everyone who commented, you really helped to give me some perspective, and I have ended things. He is still in the house at the minute (although we are staying separate as much as possible) because his nearest friends and family live an hour away and I need him here to take baby to and from nursery as I don’t drive.

we’ve agreed to speak to solicitors and sit down together next week to make plans for our long term living arrangements going forward. he is still adamant he wants to keep the house and has said he is going to buy me out. He’s getting the house valued next week. I’ve asked him to wait until we’ve both spoken to solicitors but he won’t.

to be honest, I’d be heartbroken to give up the house. I chose it, decorated every room and chose every piece of furniture we own. But I work part time with a public service salary. Are there any options open to me or should I cut my losses and start looking elsewhere. I know he can’t turf us out.

Don't go anywhere until you have had legal advice .
He can get as many valuations as he wants but they don't change anything.
It might be useful for everyone to understand the current value of the property while thinking about next steps.
I don't think you soon to be ex understands that you and dc have to be provided for and not just him.

If you do sell take into account every piece of furniture.

And speak to the solicitor to see if you can stay in the house.

I would also be telling him it will be 50:50 care and he'll have to pay half the nursery fees.

You aren't going to get much maintenance from him are you so you may have to work full time.

Are there any options open to me or should I cut my losses and start looking elsewhere. I know he can’t turf us out.

You need good legal advice

He has health issues and uses them to be non supportive. You both need help but not necessarily from each other at this time. Family friends outside support if you can. Or time alone if you can you can’t look after two babies especially when one is adult!

How are you doing OP?