To ask him to leave ?

[Lmox]

last night I asked my husband to leave. He was furious and shocked and I don’t know if IBU? What happened was:

• on Saturday he had a lie on (which I never have) while I looked after 9 month old. We had a meal out booked for DH’s friends birthday, so I was also prepping baby’s meals for the day, meds (he has epilepsy) and arranging babysitter. When I pulled him up on not helping me, he lay in bed staring at ceiling for another hour and a half. He has ADHD so I understand he may have been overwhelmed
• He came downstairs whilst I was in middle of looking after baby and doing my make up etc to say that he thought he should go to night out alone as he needs to be around people who ‘build him up’ he sent text to his friends to say I wouldn’t be coming as I was ill. I was upset as I don’t like lying and I had been texting them just an hour before to arrange our arrival times. DH did apologise for this via text later .
• I was up all night with our baby as he had a nasty cough. I slept about two hours. DH came home at 6am. No text to say he would be out all night. I made clear to him on a number of occasions that I don’t like him staying out all night without letting me know. I know he would have been at friends house but it’s the principle.
• He slept until 12pm the next day and only woke up as I woke him as I needed him to help me get our baby into taxi for a medical appointment. He was still drunk and I was angry
• when I came home from appointment with our son he said that he was really ‘put out’ out about how I’ve spoken to him.

he has half heartedly apologised but I don’t feel he means it. This also follows a very turbulent couple of months when we were in hospital with our son and put a lot of strain on our marriage as I didn’t feel he was supportive. I know he has ADHD and struggles with some things but I feel really hurt by his behaviour and he doesn’t seem bothered IMO

Get legal advice.
Don't move out.
He can leave.
Can you find a law firm who offer 1st hour advice for free try
or citizen's advice?
The courts will not see the parent homeless.

He's going to get as shock when he finds out you & DS need to be housed and he can't dictate he keeps the house and buys you out

Disinvited you and stayed out to 6am.

Is he on the gear?

I have ADHD and a child that needs frequent medical appointments. I've never missed one or been late. Nor have my kids ever been late for school. He's treating you very badly, you deserve better.

Yanbu - the costs will work out you may be entitled to benefits too.

Well done for being brave you will be much happier now - he reminds me a lot of my ex - only his feelings are important and he treated his 'need' to have fun and relax much more than my needs to sleep during pregnancy

Me too!

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Would you be ok on your own without him though financially?

I too have ADHD and I manage to be a single mum working full time, getting up with my child every morning and working/walking the dog/keeping the house clean etc. I’m also not medicated for it. ADHD is not an excuse.

Honestly, no.

You never have a lie-in? Never?? Why?

Do you have income of your own? You might get Universal Credit www.entitledto.co.uk/help/universal-credit and child maintenance www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance.

You might actually be better off. Life could also be easier without him to look after on top of your DC.

Posters are just forgetting thoug legally you cant make him leave-my dsis is currently going throug a separation and until house is sold neiter can afford to go elsewere-a court wouldnt make him leave unless theres violence- a whole oter issue
hopfully he'll go of his own accord but you never know

I mean if he's turning up at 6am wasted regularly that might be a safeguarding issue

Exactly as she says.

I have adhd - legitimately diagnosed and medicated - I find all sorts of stuff tricky to organise. I am sometimes a total scatterbrain, I forget appointments + get stuck hyper focused on the wrong stuff.

If has never prevented me from showing up for my husband when he’s asked for help, made me opt out of parenting entirely or turned me into a giant selfish arse…

you need to get out of the oh he had ADHD that's why he's doing this mind set

your giving him a pass and he's loving it as he's getting away with shit behaviour

i have inattentive adhd,
im 43 and wasn't diagnosed until 42.
diagnosis is not ever 10 months old BUT i am/was a 24-7 carer since 2004 as both boys have complex disabilities each

and im a lone parent, note i didn't say single as i don't use that term as that implies relationship statues, a lot of single mothers co parent, joint custody etc(ie a break) and have dads input financially

my kids dad walked away from the 3 of us overnight in 2020 to be with a ex friend after being together 22 years

im also a home educator and recovering from a nervous break down(caused by exs actions)

i don't do anything you partner does as i have no choice but to care for vulnerable kids(i don't get family help either)

my ex has mild autism(i know people don't like the term mild but when he was diagnosed in the late 80s it was mild or severe).
for years he did what i did

24/7carer and home educator, he was a good partner and dad, he was even our driver(i cant drive)so did 1 above me

not once did he shirk out of being a dad-good partner or make the excuse of his disabilities and im taking the full share from day 1 we met in 1999,housework,baby care etc

i had a good man

your fella is getting away with this behaviour because your allowing him to get away with it and using the ADHD as a excuse

your best getting out now

God, this was literally my life on repeat with my ex....over...and...over.
Until I put a stop to it.
Get your ducks in a row OP. It was a bit rough for me at the start.
Life is much easier living without the additional manchild/toddler.
Much, much easier x

Get rid of him, he's a useful as a chocolate teapot

Everyone says you will know if you're true friends when you go on holiday, same could be said for Babies in relationships. You see how selfish and uncaring someone can be.
Baby is both of yours and he should be taking 50% responsibility

OP, I have ADHD and I can still adult, with a full time job. Please don’t let him use ADHd as an excuse to be selfish. You need a good lawyer, he can’t just say he’s taking the house.

Google the Entitled To Calculator and the Child Support calculator and check exactly what you would be entitled to.

Check your benefit entitlement on Turn2us website if in the uk - he will also need to pay maintenance to you - does he work and do you know how much he earns. He’s not a loving supportive partner is he?

OP, he is acting like a selfish bachelor. He doesn't understand he is now a husband and father with responsibilities. ADHD doesn't make one a selfish, manipulative (the text to his friends) and spiteful pig. Stop blaming something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with his selfish, cruel and spiteful behaviour. I'd tell him he needs to do a massive 180 or else your marriage is over. Tell him it's marriage counselling and 180 change in behaviour or it's over. And since you have the child and your the mother, you will have the house, or else you'll make sure all his friends know that you are making his child and their mother homeless.

He earns a lot but as he’s a registered under a limited company, he only declares a certain amount as income and the rest as dividends (I’m not sure what it all means).

he does have the capacity to be very loving and can be a very kind and gentle person. I have however felt unsupported especially when it has come to hospital stays with my son and managing his complex medical needs. Many times I felt I had to fight for my son with no one by my side.

He IS manipulative, he's just so good you don't recognise it.

Let him buy you out, and you'll have a nest egg to work with whilst you get sorted. Don't let hm back til he's bought you out. He can go to wherever he was til 6am.

the marriage would be over for me - he's had his chance.

He came downstairs whilst I was in middle of looking after baby and doing my make up etc to say that he thought he should go to night out alone as he needs to be around people who ‘build him up’ he sent text to his friends to say I wouldn’t be coming as I was ill

I would have ditched him for this alone, even without the 6am getting home and being too pissed to attend his own child's hospital appointments. What an absolute ARSEHOLE he is.

(Also ADHD isn't an excuse for being a cunt.)