To ask you not to ask women if they are expecting, especially if they are 53

[Okonimiyaki]

Never started a thread here before. But really hurt and humiliated.

I am 53. I am not overweight. I am 5'8 and a size 12. But thanks to menopause,
genes, and a medical condition I carry weight in my belly. I am not asking how to lose that. Already doing all I can. My waist is about 30-31.

Went to an event tonight with complete strangers. Thought I looked good. Quite early on a woman says v loudly" Are you expecting?". I was rather taken aback. I don't ask this even of my friends. She didn't apologise when I said I was not..I felt humiliated tbh, though I laughed it off with a reference to my grown up DC.

Is this something you ask women you have just met? Especially when they are 53!

I agree it was rude of the woman to ask if you were pregnant but why would you feel humiliated? I think I would have taken it as a backhanded compliment that I looked young enough to be pregnant when I was 54 😆😆

I have had this happen to me a lot, but in my 30s. I have one particular dress that I get asked often, it’s a shame as I like the dress! It’s just so rude. I once had someone ask 2 days after surgical management for a miscarriage.

Obviously they need to ask in a medical setting, and that’s not embarrassing. Although I once had a youngwoman say to me, ‘we just have to check, because you could still get pregnant you know’. I was only 39 and bloody hoped so as we were trying for a baby!!

If someone did that you need to let them know how inappropriate it is. You don't need to be rude at all. Imagine if they said that to someone who was really struggling. I'd have helpfully told her 'for future reference' that you can't say that to people as they might have struggled with infertility or have issues with how they look. Let the embarrassment be hers.

TBF some women's stomachs can look very neat and round which can ok a pregnancy tum. Not that that is an excuse at all.

Thanks everyone.
I am over it now.
I told DD and she was like " You looked great. How rude". which made me feel better. DD always thinks I look good.
I need a better comeback. I do carry weight strangely but my mum is the same and it has all been checked out medically. Genetics I think. I need to get down to a size 8 before I lose weight on my tum.
Possibly also need some Spanx but don't really want to be that uncomfortable for a casual meet!

I don't think you need a comeback. I think you just need to explain why it's an inappropriate thing to say.

'Oooh I don't think you can ask that. You might end up upsetting someone who might be struggling with not being able to get pregnant or who is sensitive to having a tum' Explain it in a factual way.

I think you just encountered someone rude and ignorant and should probably just ignore this.

I was in h&m in Crete on holiday queuing at the till.A woman looked at my (bloated) stomach did the pregnant gesture with her hands and pointed out a separate queue specifically for pregnant women.
I was very very upset and it knocked my confidence for the rest of the holiday.
I get bloating with ibs.

I went for a CT scan and was asked if I could be pregnant

I am in my 50s, fat with grey hair and had a hysterectomy years ago, which is in my notes🙄

"Are you expecting?"
"To meet a nosey twat? No, but here you are"

I would never ask. Unless I was in a maternity unit and they was rubbing a bump lovingly or contracting.

You obviously don't look 53!

Mil does this and when she upsets people she helpful follows up with a " I say it as I see it!" Also she loves to proudly regale people with this story who wasn't there to see her in action.

There is a name for people like that.

If its any consolation she spends a lot of time very upset and very confused when people are rude to her for "no reason" as she is "such a nice person"

It's plain rude and bad socail skills I only forgive if your ND. If your NT and say it your a knob. A rude knob

Love this !
In my opinion this person was really fucking rude asking you and possibly being a complete c* too but obviously I wasn’t there, so not sure if it was just a case of not having any boundaries.

Questions not to ask (unless you are asking for medical reasons)

Are you pregnant?
Why don't you have kids?
Why do you have a big age gap between kids?
Why did you have kids so old?
Aren't you gutted you have boys? (This was asked of me - I had a girl, she died)

People are stupid.

Apparently if you are having surgery you have to have a negative pregnancy test up to 55 even if you have had your ovaries removed! They make an exception for full hysterectomy.

People seem to have forgotten their manners! Yesterday a lady was asked if she only had one child (with her) she replied she had 6 dc. To which the woman replied All the same dad.beyond rude .

I'm guessing you look a lot younger than 53! However, yes, nobody should be asking anyone if they're pregnant. It's rude. Even if someone is actually pregnant, they might not be ready to talk about that with a random stranger.

This happened a few times to me. My go to response is "No, I'm just fat. Clearly " and then hold their gaze. Never fails to make them feel worse than I do!

I don't understand.
Were you offended ?
She would have had your DOB.
Coincidentally I needed a dental X-ray at Christmas and it was the first time I haven't been asked so I assume there's a cut off age where they stop asking .
Does anyone know ?

Yes, it’s rude and I wouldn’t dream of asking this to anyone.

I was being lighthearted

Me and my Ex bumped into a couple we knew at the supermarket once and my partner asked the woman if she was pregnant, she quipped no and all four of us was mortified

I was extremely annoyed at him. The lady announced she was pregnant a couple of weeks later, she had just not told her family yet hence having to deny it. Taught my ex a lesson anyway 😂

Suspect you did look good and she was envious so made a dig at you to bring you down. No one thinks a middle aged woman is pregnant.

You’re not alone, I was once asked “when is your baby due?” When I gayly answered “oh no it’s cake” the woman doubled down with “are you sure”

ARE YOU SURE??? FFS, I’m surer than you are you rude old bat!

people are wankers, offensive ignorant wankers, pay no notice

P.s. be flattered that you still look young enough to be pregnant 🤣

I would never comment on any woman's belly or anything else; it's so blisteringly rude. If they want to draw attention to it/themselves, they will.

Sorry that you were upset, OP, there are some really thick-witted, intrusive people out there with absolutely nothing going for them. Prepare a sharp retort and keep it up your sleeve. I favour "What business is it of yours?".

I'm annoyed on your behalf.

But she presumably knew your date of birth, so didn't need to ask, rather than just thinking you looked too old to be pregnant.

I am 52 so I wouldn't expect to be asked.

I am also wondering in what world a 31 inch waist makes you look pregnant...

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