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Original poster

To ask you not to ask women if they are expecting, especially if they are 53

95 replies

Okonimiyaki · 18/03/2024 22:39

Never started a thread here before. But really hurt and humiliated.

I am 53. I am not overweight. I am 5'8 and a size 12. But thanks to menopause,
genes, and a medical condition I carry weight in my belly. I am not asking how to lose that. Already doing all I can. My waist is about 30-31.

Went to an event tonight with complete strangers. Thought I looked good. Quite early on a woman says v loudly" Are you expecting?". I was rather taken aback. I don't ask this even of my friends. She didn't apologise when I said I was not..I felt humiliated tbh, though I laughed it off with a reference to my grown up DC.

Is this something you ask women you have just met? Especially when they are 53!

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 19/03/2024 03:29

They could always say 'you're 53 you are too old to get pregnant anyway'

People will always find something to be offended by

montelbano · 19/03/2024 03:47

I am 71. Two days after I had had a total hysterectomy, a nurse asked if I could be pregnant! I was utterly unable to reply for quite a few seconds😀

Tourmalines · 19/03/2024 04:09

I think it is extremely rude to ask that . I got asked many years ago when I was carrying weight around my middle , and was in my 50s . I find it offensive because if the answer is no , it’s bloody embarrassing for all . Anyway , the fact they ask when you are in your 50s means you look young , well that’s what I think anyway . So take it as a complement. Not that 50 is old , but you know what I mean .

SuperstarDeejay · 19/03/2024 04:22

90% of women have some sort of belly showing. It's normal female body composition and not something to be ashamed of.

I'm similar age to you OP, and would take it as a huge compliment, she must've thought you looked 10 years younger!

theothercatpurred · 19/03/2024 04:39

In the kindest possible way, you really do need to get over it.

Instead of being outraged, ask yourself why being thought of as pregnant is so embarrassing?

You know you hold your weight in your stomach, it's not a surprise to you.

I also hold my weight in my stomach and am routinely offered seats in trains / tubes / buses. Or I used to be, I've mostly aged out of it now.

You need to work on making peace with your body shape rather than being outraged at the person. Easier said than done, I know, when there is so much pressure on us to be slim, but it's the healthiest approach.

Or, if you want to put them on the spot, answer "no, just fat" - I do this if I'm feeling provocative. Although, if your waist is 30, this wouldn't actually be true - FWIW my waist is about 42". 30" is slim!

You should try being my size and shape for a bit, you'd be delighted to go back to the shape you are now, I'm sure.

bradpittsbathwater · 19/03/2024 04:42

Some people are morons. It's social etiquette 101 that you never ask a woman if she's pregnant. Fancy asking a 50 something she's pregnant. What a thick twat.

bradpittsbathwater · 19/03/2024 04:43

30-31 waist wouldn't be noticeable though surely?

Dontblameitonsunshine · 19/03/2024 05:07

The numbers don’t really make sense, 30-31 inch waist and size 12 and 5ft 8 suggests that you’re not fat

Willmafrockfit · 19/03/2024 05:50

i asked someone who i knew from ante natal, i guess i had it on my mind, she denied it but then later said she was, Blush
never again have i asked

marshmallowfinder · 19/03/2024 05:55

Try being 53 and size 22, like I am. 😭 You've nothing to worry about. You're slim and obviously young looking.

Autienotnaughtie · 19/03/2024 06:29

I'd say no I have a health condition that is making losing weight a challenge. Then stare at them awaiting their response. Or just a 'no' but always stare until they respond.

IwishMaxTheriothadanOnlyfans · 19/03/2024 06:35

Oh god OP - I feel for you. I did this once with a client though 🙈 In my defence she was early 30s and the tummy was a new thing for her.

I genuinely thought she was pregnant - I was mortified when she said "no, not pregnant. It's just the shape of me."

Further in my defence, my receptionist thought she was pregnant too - and had also asked her when she arrived. Wish she'd bloody warned me though.

Poor girl being asked if she was pregnant twice in 10 mins 🙈

Mairzydotes · 19/03/2024 06:45

bradpittsbathwater · 19/03/2024 04:43

30-31 waist wouldn't be noticeable though surely?

It depends what she was wearing. I'm a 12 with a 30 inch waist , a rather round belly where I'm prone to carrying weight. I have been asked if I was pregnant too ( although I was about 30 at the time).

benjoin · 19/03/2024 06:47

I can't believe this is happening in 2024.

It's going to have to be something they teach in school assemblies as clearly parents aren't teaching their kids

WandaWonder · 19/03/2024 06:49

benjoin · 19/03/2024 06:47

I can't believe this is happening in 2024.

It's going to have to be something they teach in school assemblies as clearly parents aren't teaching their kids

Edited

No it isn't, school is not responsible to parent children that is not their role

distinctpossibility · 19/03/2024 06:51

I have had it the other way round- I was heavily (about 38 weeks) pregnant and at a wedding. An acquaintance asked "so, congratulations - when's it due?!" I didn't register what he was saying so I looked confused and said "Sorry, what?" It was hilarious trying to see him backpedal and hopefully gave him a clue not to ask in future!

I'm sorry that this has upset you OP - it is a shame that it made you feel this way. I am sure your first assertion (that you looked great!) is true and I hope this didn't persuade you otherwise 👗👠

Lifebeganat50 · 19/03/2024 06:54

How fucking rude!!

I’m the same age and was getting an X-ray at the dentist last week-she didn’t ask the obligatory pregnancy question and I pulled her up for it-my tone was joking, and she took it in that way, but she got my point!

PriOn1 · 19/03/2024 06:54

When I was younger and had a massive belly that looked very much like pregnancy due to stretching, I sometimes used to embrace it as I would swan into cafes and order exactly what I wanted and only got indulgent “oh she’s expecting” looks and not “look at that lardass with her massive all day breakfast” looks.

I kind of regret now being so old that nobody would think it.

But yes, OP, she was rude to ask, but it’s not worth worrying about. If you’re not overweight, it’s nothing to be concerned about and it does suggest you still look young enough to be pregnant.

hopscotcher · 19/03/2024 07:00

Someone has to be practically in labour in front of me before I'll ask if they're pregnant! 😀
In this situation, I'd have said 'Expecting what?' and also tried to make them feel a bit uncomfortable for asking.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 19/03/2024 08:01

theothercatpurred · 19/03/2024 04:39

In the kindest possible way, you really do need to get over it.

Instead of being outraged, ask yourself why being thought of as pregnant is so embarrassing?

You know you hold your weight in your stomach, it's not a surprise to you.

I also hold my weight in my stomach and am routinely offered seats in trains / tubes / buses. Or I used to be, I've mostly aged out of it now.

You need to work on making peace with your body shape rather than being outraged at the person. Easier said than done, I know, when there is so much pressure on us to be slim, but it's the healthiest approach.

Or, if you want to put them on the spot, answer "no, just fat" - I do this if I'm feeling provocative. Although, if your waist is 30, this wouldn't actually be true - FWIW my waist is about 42". 30" is slim!

You should try being my size and shape for a bit, you'd be delighted to go back to the shape you are now, I'm sure.

You are missing the point. There is no need for anyone to ask a stranger such a personal question-unless it's in a healthcare setting.

Phiy43 · 19/03/2024 08:11

Extremely rude person, I think all these celebs having babies from donor/frozen eggs has made some people genuinely believe 50 year olds can still get pregnant (naturally) 🙄

Alwaysgoingforit · 19/03/2024 08:28

"No, I'm not pregnant, are you?" was my response to the twattish person. She zipped it.

benjoin · 19/03/2024 08:35

WandaWonder · 19/03/2024 06:49

No it isn't, school is not responsible to parent children that is not their role

Show quote history

I know that but this is something that can easily be bought up on pshe lessons or an assembly.

saveforthat · 19/03/2024 08:37

Aydel · 18/03/2024 22:41

You should never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless the baby is literally dangling out of her fanny.

😂

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 19/03/2024 08:39

Sounds like she was being nasty on purpose to be honest.

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