DH leaving a 1 year old on softplay along

[Katemiddletonsphotoshopper]

sorry title is supposed to say “leaving a 1 year old in softplay alone” - potato fingers.

DH took the 3 children to soft play on his own so I could have a break, as I haven’t been well. Great - very nice of him.

Today I find out from my 5 year old that, after trying to send him (5 year old) by himself to the loos down quite a long hallway (the softplay is in a gym so full of unknown adults), he then tried to take 5 year old on his own, and leave the 3 and 1 year old totally unsupervised in the softplay.

5 year old is adamant DH left the 1 year old the whole time. DH is saying he saw the error of what he was doing and went back for the 1 year old and the 3 year old as they tried to follow him.

I don’t really know what to say/do. Just feels like both the attempt to send a 5 year old to the loos alone and then the attempt (or actuality) of leaving a bloody 1 year old alone in a softplay are both fucking insane and I can’t believe he thinks that’s acceptable. Am I overreacting? I appreciate he tried to do something nice but surely it’s obvious you have to always take all 3 with you at those ages? And now I feel I can’t trust his judgement at all. I also feel like 5 year old is probably telling the truth and therefore I am pretty angry that DH is trying to make out he is lying to make himself look better.

Did he ask the receptionist to mind his children? Otherwise why on each would he/ she even know they were there! They might be busy actually doing their job!

He's extremely lucky this time nothing went wrong. I certainly wouldn't trust him without appropriate training in future.

You need to be clear that lying followed by denial that anything dangerous actually took place makes you even more nervous about this parental skills. Acknowledgment of errors of judgement and explanations of how it won't happen again builds trust.

I'm sorry he has a five year old and doesn't have basic child safety cop on?

Sorry not good enough can't believe how low the threshold some people have for their children!

Thing is, emergencies can happen and a kid needing a toilet is emergency sometimes.

I remember once I was at in a cafe with my baby ds who was about 9 months and toddler dd who was 2. My stomach flipped on me and I honestly thought I was either going to throw up or shit myself. Both kids had bits of food and I didn’t have time to upstrap them from high chairs, run to the toilet and fight the dc who would have been upset at losing their food so I left them. Yes I took a huge risk, but it was an emergency. I came out minutes later and they were both fine.

Ok I posted before I saw the update of leaving them in the hallway and that’s bad. He could have taken all 3 kids easily

@MargaretThursday

not with the 5 year old ratting him out!

but not due to understanding how dangerous & stupid it was.

Don't have any more children with this useless lump of a man.

Bet if a woman had done this she would have been berated. But the bar is so low for men that he has an out that it’s just too hard that he safely looks after his own children. How the hell is it acceptable that he left a 1 year old.

I’m impressed you can keep an eye on 3 children in soft play on your own.

Wow. I’d struggle to get over this. I’d have to tell him: it’s absolute fucking negligence, childcare staff would be fired for even one of these actions, and someone has to react at the risk you put our children in, so since you seem to think it’s fine I have to react over this. Not to mention I seem to be the only parent in the house able to parent. Let’s just casually drop this into conversation with other people shall we and you can watch the horror in their face as they realise what you did. And I will have to deal with the subtle questions before play dates as they try to make sure I’ll be there now they know no one can leave their children with you. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.

He's a knob and this really pissed me off:

DH took the 3 children to soft play on his own so I could have a break, as I haven’t been well. Great - very nice of him

WELL DONE DH

Please tell us you're not planning on anymore kids with him. I feel like I need the closure on that 😆

Would he listen if someone else pointed out what could have happened (irrelevant that it didn't) and what a fucking fool he was?

Or is this weaponised incompetence? Does he cope at home? At work? Is he actually a functioning adult?

If he did do that he's a moron.

But when speaking to you does he seem to understand why it would be dangerous and not safe or fair on the baby who would be scared? Is he sensible with the baby at home? I would be basing my thoughts off that rather than this hearsay incident

Mistake? Could have been a tragedy.

Random adults. Gym equipment. Adult environment. Exits.

Fuckwit father

Oh well. No harm done.

This time...

He hasn't acknowledged his mistake

And it was a BIG one

Not hearsay

He's finally confessed

He made a mistake. You need to kick the mindset that your parenting is perfect. Will kill your marriage and his confidence in parenting.

Your "D"H is a twat. He is very, very lucky that he did not emerge from the toilets with the 5yo to find your baby no longer in the corridor but instead crushed under a reversing car's wheels.

I do keep an eye out for "escaping" little ones at places like soft play and make sure not to let them through gates and doors unless obviously accompanied by an adult but I have seen my own DC "tail-gate" a group sufficient times, the adults completely oblivious, to know that you cannot rely on the vigilance of complete strangers who have not even been asked to mind your kids.

There's a whole spectrum of parenting between "perfect" and the sort of parenting where a 1yo is left to freely wander into a car park or an adult gym.

YABU for taking DCs to softplay. Those places are the work of the devil himself.

I believe my 5 year old over my husband. Especially (additionally) when my husband doesnt realise I actually know the truth from different sources on different occasions also, so i know who is lying and who isn´t. She is actually quite comical when she comes out with these truisms, and they invariably are true.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation, you need to move forward. What happens now? Options include:

LTB
Refuse to let him take children out again
Have constructive chat about what to do next time

Don't let it linger. Sort it out and try not to mention the incident again. He'll assume you do not trust him with the DC and you may find this is thrown back in your face.