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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to hate some mums?

64 replies

cato40 · 17/03/2024 15:34

Currently at a urgent care centre with poorly DD 11yo, sent by 111. Waiting area is packed and it is a 4h wait. We sit on 2 empty chair, next to these there is one chair with bags and coats. Mum n1 comes and saying these are her chairs and we move, don't want to make a fuss. She does not offer to move her bags from 3rd chair to make my sick DD sit. One last empty chair next to a mum with what looks like a 4 or 5 yo child on her lap, I tell my DD to go and sit there while I stand and mum n2 tells my DD not to sit on the only empty chair of a hospital urgent care unit because her child 'will sit there in a minute' (she is still on her lap).
How can some people be so selfish horrible to other children in a hospital?
We ended up sitting on the floor until after a while a member of staff showed us to some other seats. As we were moving to these seats I made sure to explain the staff loudly how other parents are not letting sick children sit on empty chairs. I hope, but I doubt, these women felt some shame (and frankly hope their kids got the message and felt ashamed for them too).

OP posts:
SBHon · 17/03/2024 15:43

I voted YABU because you were being an absolute doormat! I would have asked her to move the bags or said I’d have moved them for her.

Hermittrismegistus · 17/03/2024 15:43

I can't believe you had your child sit on the floor rather than just tell the woman to shift her bags/coats.

Don't teach your child to be a walkover.

InTheRainOnATrain · 17/03/2024 15:43

YABU to have moved from the chairs that you were sat in and were unoccupied when you arrived. And then you sat on the floor?? Some people are just nasty and I’m sure it was stressful with DD unwell but for her sake stand up for yourselves. Anyway, I hope she’s on the mend now and you’re home.

Mamette · 17/03/2024 15:46

You got up and moved because a woman told you the chairs were “hers”? Honestly get a backbone.

Sparklesocks · 17/03/2024 15:47

I would’ve told her my sick child needs the chair. Or at least to move her bags from the third chair.

Onceuponatimeiwasahoe · 17/03/2024 15:52

People are selfish and YUK in general op. Hope your child is okay

Onceuponatimeiwasahoe · 17/03/2024 15:52

And as some others have said you always challenge these people and let them know the selfish buggers they are

EnjoyingTheSilence · 17/03/2024 15:52

Your first mistake was moving in the 1st place. They were not her chairs. Hope your dd is ok

Mrsphilmiller · 17/03/2024 15:53

sorry this happened to you OP.
i think OP expected the mum to take her coats off the chair without her asking and when she didn’t, OP rightly assumed this woman’s a bitch and hence didn’t want to ask her to move the coats herself because to some people that would be a uncomfortable conversation.
You were absolutely not in the wrong here, the other mum was.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 17/03/2024 15:54

SBHon · 17/03/2024 15:43

I voted YABU because you were being an absolute doormat! I would have asked her to move the bags or said I’d have moved them for her.

This!

Youdontknowmedoyou · 17/03/2024 15:56

If it helps any I'd have given your DD the chair, but then I'd never have been as rude to tell you to move anyway. Hope your DD is ok.

Freakinfraser · 17/03/2024 15:56

I’m not sure the passive aggressive loud telling on them to staff is optimum op. You simply need to stand your ground and speak to the mums. Telling teacher is what kids do.

is there a back story, are you not ok with confrontation or standing up for yourself?

hope uour daughter is ok. But next time don’t put her on the ground.

TeaKitten · 17/03/2024 15:58

Why do you want a 4 and 5 year old, atleast one of which is sick, to feel ashamed? The mum with 2 kids wanted to keep a seat for each kid considering you could all be there hours, that’s fair enough. The one with coats you just tell to move the coats. You are being a mug and thinking kids should feel ashamed for it.

Ultimately you are all stressed out and having a crap day, no point hating other mums. I hope your DD gets seen soon and feels better

Serene135 · 17/03/2024 16:00

Unfortunately some people can be extremely selfish and unkind. I would have given your daughter a seat. I can understand why you didn’t want to say anything as it could have resulted in a scene (caused by another parent) in the hospital and in front of your child. I do think, however, that it is important to be polite but assertive. The woman wasn’t sat in the chair when you initially sat down and she didn’t own the seats so you should not have moved your child. I would have got up to allow the woman’s child to sit down (if there weren’t any more seats and since the children there are poorly) but I would have told my child to remain seated.

Zanatdy · 17/03/2024 16:01

I’d have said well sorry it’s empty and told my sick child to sit down

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 17/03/2024 16:01

Why didn’t you tell her to move?
Stand up for your dd.

IncompleteSenten · 17/03/2024 16:03

People can be selfish and I think in a&e perhaps focused on their own child and not taking a moment to consider other children. Not saying that makes it ok but I think it's pretty common. You should have been firmer and sat in the empty seat. It was daft to leave a seat empty because their child might want to sit on it at some point. As for coats. Pfft. Sit on them if they won't shift them

MariaVT65 · 17/03/2024 16:04

At least say ‘parents’ not ‘mums’

Itsonlymashadow · 17/03/2024 16:04

Why would you want kids to feel ashamed of their parents?

are you saying there was only 5 chairs? Who were sat on the others?

one parent had her child on her knee and wanted a chair for them to get a break. Just like you wanted a chair for you and and your dd. Not sure why you are mad at her?

To be honest it sounds like you came across one person who probably should have done something (taken her bag off the seat). Some people are rude. Some of them are mums but I don’t get the title of the thread. If they weren’t mums with bags on seats would you feel differently?

I think you are stressed out with your child being poorly and focussing your stress on these people. But you could have said something instead of being passive aggressive.

Maybe take a breath, put it out of your mind and try and relax

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/03/2024 16:04

I would definitely have stood up to these women.

I also hate alot of people in general who are selfish like this, not just or predominantly Mums.

coldcallerbaiter · 17/03/2024 16:05

I would have asked her to move the bags please politely, if she did not I would dump them on the floor.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2024 16:09

MariaVT65 · 17/03/2024 16:04

At least say ‘parents’ not ‘mums’

Quite. At least the mums are there.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 17/03/2024 16:10

EnjoyingTheSilence · 17/03/2024 15:52

Your first mistake was moving in the 1st place. They were not her chairs. Hope your dd is ok

I agree with this. You should have stayed in the chairs you were in and not backed down.

PegasusReturns · 17/03/2024 16:11

You made your sick 11 year old sit on the floor rather than say “I’m sorry my daughter is unwell and she needs a seat”.

that is a you problem .

stripes92 · 17/03/2024 16:12

YABU. You were being a doormat. Stand up for your sick daughter. I wouldn't have moved in the first place.