AIBU to hate some mums?

[cato40]

Currently at a urgent care centre with poorly DD 11yo, sent by 111. Waiting area is packed and it is a 4h wait. We sit on 2 empty chair, next to these there is one chair with bags and coats. Mum n1 comes and saying these are her chairs and we move, don't want to make a fuss. She does not offer to move her bags from 3rd chair to make my sick DD sit. One last empty chair next to a mum with what looks like a 4 or 5 yo child on her lap, I tell my DD to go and sit there while I stand and mum n2 tells my DD not to sit on the only empty chair of a hospital urgent care unit because her child 'will sit there in a minute' (she is still on her lap).
How can some people be so selfish horrible to other children in a hospital?
We ended up sitting on the floor until after a while a member of staff showed us to some other seats. As we were moving to these seats I made sure to explain the staff loudly how other parents are not letting sick children sit on empty chairs. I hope, but I doubt, these women felt some shame (and frankly hope their kids got the message and felt ashamed for them too).

I remember being in a waiting area at a maternity unit while literally miscarrying my child and having to stand because some seats were taken up with men. As in couples sitting side by side. They were there for a scan, not because of a bleed although of course some might have been, so it's not like they were particularly stressed or upset. I've never forgotten it. I should have said something but I couldn't summon the energy, I didn't want to deal with anyone else.

I'm sorry OP that sounds so stressful.

The woman with the child sat on her lap did nothing wrong. The woman with the bags should have moved them but you should have told her to move the bags. You didn’t because you didn’t want to create a scene. Instead you made a passive aggressive scene after, partly to a woman who hadn’t done anything wrong. So what you mean to say is you didn’t want to create a scene when someone could say something back to you. Hoping those children feel shame (those children who are sick) is pathetic and hypocritical unless you want your dc to feel shame at the fact that her mother couldn’t stand up to her and made her sit on the floor.

But this will probably reinforce that you hate some mums because you’re not getting the answer you want.

When does not making a fuss become letting people walk all over you though?

Chairs: they're our chairs
You: not any longer they aren't

Ends.

Obviously chairs should have been her. It's been a long day

You made your sick 11yo get out of chairs TWICE even though you don’t think the other people were reasonable? Wtf would you do that?

YANBU but it’s not ‘mums’ it’s just selfish people.

You would think being a mum would mean they’re more caring towards children, but obviously not.

You have got some rude replies on here and I’m sorry for that.

If you’re still in the same position then firmly but nicely ask that the woman moves her bags as there’s no where else to sit.
If not, sit in the empty chairs.

I hope your DD is ok.

The last time I was in children’s A&E, it was rammed with kids with minor injuries like cut fingers etc. I think they need to do better at turning these parents away at the door and referring the parents to do a childrens first aid course instead.

I voted YABU for this reason too.

Me too, grow a backbone! How can people let others walk all over them like this?!

And enjoy a possible tirade of abuse and a punch in the face. Not everyone is just going to move out of your way.

I voted YABU because hell would literally freeze over before I made any child of mine sit on the floor whilst someone else had their BAGS taking up a seat. TBH I wouldn’t have moved in the first place, although I would obviously have let a sick child take my seat. If they kick off then you get staff involved- not sit on the sodding floor.

Why an earth didn’t you just say no? You’re teaching your child terrible boundaries. And a passive aggressive moan to the staff afterwards is even worse- what exactly did you expect them
to do at that point?

From the title I was expecting something way more dramatic! 😂 but it’s mad considering they have children themselves, they are the first who should be able to empathise.

But the seats were for their own kids, who were likely sick.

Seats are for bums not bags! A phrase I am well versed in from using public transport. Usually works.

"Chairs are for people not for bags. Do you want to move them or shall I?"

This works in many contexts - trains, buses, crowded cafes when extra seats are needed.

Sometimes you have to have these battles and call people out on their behaviour.

And in a children's UCC/A&E, adults should stand so children can sit down. So I would have said to the mum of the 5yo, "If your child needs a seat of their own, you can stand and give her yours, but my sick child will be sitting down, I'm afraid."

The mums/adults should have stood up to give the seats to the sick children.

In this scenario, there's a clear hierarchy unless you're a complete knobhead:

1. Sick children
2. Healthy adults
3. Bags

Some parents of very young children think tweens/teens are practically adults because they seem massive compared to their own, which might affect their ability to empathise.

But at that age I always made mine sit on my lap if seating was limited.

Rather than use your voice to advocate for your child, you use it to be PA in the hope of shaming parents in front of their kids?

Next time just ask the person to move their bags.

I hope your dd gets better soon.

YABU for being passive aggressive, rather than directly dealing with the conflict.

Thank you for the feedback, that's helpful and I admit it, I have been a doormat and a poor example for my DD. Other kids were younger than mine, First time we stood up because I saw the other empty chair and thought my DD could sit there and I didn't mind standing up. I would have never thought a parent (or mum) would tell my DD to go away because she may need the seat for a child that looked quite comfortable on her lap. I would have never done that. As someone mentioned, patients should come first and then carers. I get that some parents of younger children don't empathise for older kids or any human that is not their darlings but still a bit of kindness doesn't hurt.
I take my responsibilities and learn from this.

To be fair she may have been wanting the 3 seats for the 3 of them has they could be there for many hours, and they had just seen you leave 2 empty seats for someone else, and ignore a 3rd empty seat with bags on, and try and take a seat of theirs. I can totally see why she said no when you had another option. Those children has no reason to feel ashamed.

I think the bigger issue here is why are you such a mug?

What kind of lesson are you teaching your daughter by letting people walk all over you and then being passive aggressive over your own lack of assertiveness?

You can’t change their behaviour, but you can and should change your own for your daughter’s sake.

You are definitely not a ‘poor example’ to your daughter, OP. The parents who were unkind in the hospital are the poor examples. You sound like a nice, friendly, calm parent who doesn’t like unkindness or drama. 🌺 You didn’t want to risk there being a scene or a confrontation in front of everyone including your daughter. Not everyone reacts calmly when challenged. I hope your daughter is feeling much better now.

@Serene135 She is setting a poor example to her daughter by being a doormat.

You don’t have to be a twat, you know. There is a middle ground between doormat and dick.

In a G P surgery years ago . Lots of seats . My son was obviously unwell . Very busy mum asked could she go ahead of me as she was very busy and her little girl was the baby of the family!
I said my son is very ill and is also the baby in our family ! I was very proud of myself . Turns out my son had Scarlett fever .