To ignore son's claims about not being able to hear?

[SpinningTopps]

Ds is 5 and has started to say he can't hear properly. He says he thinks he is deaf. But if I whisper he appears to hear everything I say. I think his hearing is fine.
I've looked into children's hearing tests and it seems you need a referral which seems a step too far.
AIBU to just assume all is fine or can you have hearing loss where you can hear whispers but other things are affected?

There is a difference between hearing and processing what's being said. For example I have issues with my hearing but I also have delayed processing. So sometimes I can hear ok but it takes me 20/30 seconds to understand what's being asked. Most of the time you wouldn't notice and even I only realised it was 2 separate things as an adult. I find I need subtitles when watching TV to help understand it too.
You might find it helpful to ask your son what he means by his hearing, where is the difficulty and when does he find it hard.
Also, is he neuro divergent? Have dyslexia or dyspraxia? You mentioned always being at the drs, there are so many comorbiddities that it's common.
You don't have to be Nd to be delayed processing and it doesn't make you slow thinking so can often be missed.

The ear canal is properly formed. The Eustachian Tube is more horizontal in younger children though. Glue ear is not an infection but is congestion.

Yes sorry, my anatomy knowledge is a bit hazy. I think that’s what I meant, the Eustachian tube is more horizontal so can’t drain out residual gunk as an adult ear can. I do know that glue ear is not an infection, but thought it could be caused when gunk caused by an infection produced the blockage.

Yeah, that's right, it's usually in relation to a cold. Only correcting so that people can understand the issue, not to be an arse, sorry! Often when I tell a parent that their child has glue ear they question whether they need antibiotics (which they don't).
Glue ear is a strange one in that the hearing loss can fluctuate to the extent that parents just think their child is being ignorant as sometimes they can hear and other times they struggle.

Definitely get the referral. My son used to get lots of ear infections, now has glue ear and his hospital hearing test showed his hearing was affected, but he can hear a whisper and a packet rustling haha! But he really struggles when there is background noise.

Ds had glue ear. At a bad time he was hearing less than 10%.

In all honesty he adapted so well I would never have known if it wasn't for the hearing test due to multiple infections. He could lip read, used subtitles and used other signs to respond.
As I realised there were little things, such as if he was listening to something it would be a little louder. He'd react strongly to loud noise.
Also (ENT pointed this out) he'd pat my cheek to turn my face for lipreading, and also he often wanted to be carried when talking to me. Which was simply having his ear near my mouth.

Even at his worst he would hear the word chocolate whispered behind him.

Get him tested.

We thought that our child couldn't hear properly and ended up with a hearing test. Their hearing was fine. We accessed speech and language support. A few years later we had an ASD diagnosis.

Maybe try to explore his hearing challenges to ensure that there is no wider needs?

As someone who’s mother refused to take her to the doctor when I had a raging ear infection while on holiday in Spain, and am now profoundly deaf, I shudder at you ignoring your son.
My mother ignored me, I got walloped for being attention seeking. When I took myself to the doctors (aged 8) on returning home, my mother was summonsed and told that permanent damage had been caused. I don’t think she ever cared.

Ffs OP just go to the doctor

You mentioned that he is waiting to be assessed for ASD. Autism and problems with auditory processing often Co-occur https://www.autismspeaks.org/expert-opinion/auditory-processing-disorder

Hes 5 & you don't believe him & won't do anything about his problem.

What you're teaching him is what he experiences & tells you is unimportant & can be ignored
What he's learning is that you won't support him or believe him when he comes to you with a problem.

Hearing loss can happen at specific frequencies not consistently across all.
YABVVVU

Probably worth also asking his teacher if they have noticed any difficulty with phonics and sounding out words

My granddaughter kept saying the same thing. Turns out she had an ear infection in both ears.

People are often fooled by children responding to a word of high importance to them but its the same principle behind most adults hearing their own name in a busy room - sometimes called the Cocktail Party Effect.

When information is missing, our brain tries to fill the gaps. If chocolate is of high importance, the brain might hear the loud, low frequency vowels OhUh and recognise the key word in a familiar context. They might also turn to Doctor or Hotter which have a similar pattern of vowels with quiet, high pitch voiceless consonants.

This is why OP needs a clinical Pure Tone Audiometry session rather than whispering in a car.

Please listen to your son. My son had always been mischievous and thought it was him just ignoring us when spoken to at times.This went on years. Then started complaining he couldn’t hear doctors just said nothing was wrong. Then when spoken to face to face I noticed he was lip reading. Took him back to doctors and pushed for a hearing test and turns out he had glue ear in both ears and his hearing is very low. Now has hearing aids until he can get surgery for grommets fitted.
oh and do not wait for the reception heating test as they never picked up my sons hearing problems.

You'll need a referral from your GP, my youngest DD had one recently solely because nursery raised some concerns that although she was perfectly well behaved she seemed to have switched from talking to shouting and when reminded became very upset that she wasn't shouting at all.
She's had 3 ear infections in the last 6 months, each time GP refused antibiotics because the ear wasn't seeping and Leakey yet! So I asked for a referral from a different GP at the surgery with a letter from the nursery. She's just had her appointment and thankfully her hearing is fine although they did mention that her ear drum still looks very sore which we should follow up with GP.
Specsavers don't assess children's hearing at all where we are, you need a referral to paediatric care.

Please don't ignore him. My parents didn't believe me when I said I couldn't see properly. By the time they finally took me for a sight test - a significant period of time later (which they only did because a teacher raised concerns) - my eyesight had severely declined. My school work suffered because I couldn't see what was being written on the board etc. If they'd taken me straight away my eyesight wouldn't have deteriorated so much & would have been detected and corrected much sooner. I feel resentment towards towards my parents for not believing me (coupled with other things), delayingtreatment & leaving me with the subsequent lifelong impact that my poor eyesight has had!

My autistic son has auditory processing disorder and it is certain pitches that affect him. I would get his hearing tested first and perhaps some loop defenders that will help with background noise.

Speak to your HV or GP. They will refer to audiology for a test.

Don't mess about with hearing. If he says he can't hear properly, believe him.

My oldest child has fine hearing, however when he used to do hobbies, I would see him seeming to struggle hearing and would just look around the room and copy instead. He has recently been diagnosed with autism and adhd. I think it was more struggling to focus in when the room had lots going on. It could be something like this.

Its interesting as they get older and can explain more, how things make so much sense, but when they are young, its so hard to get to the bottom of the issue.

I do think its sad how often children are dismissed though, just because he is 5, you should treat his concerns in the same way as if he were 15 or 20, I hate the way childrens issues are often brushed off. The amount of times I hear of children with pain issues being dismissed as growing pains and parents dont even take them anywhere. I dont think anyone is dismissed as much as children are.

I'll clarify again that I'm not a negligent mother who just ignores her son. I'm not teaching him that he's not being listened to, I haven't told him I don't believe him.

Since January I have:
Pushed and pushed for an autism referral which has been accepted.
Taken him to the doctors 4 times for various illnesses, one of which was an ear infection. He's been on antibiotics twice in this time. We've been to A&E about his breathing rate.
Have got the doctor monitoring his weight because we're worried about his eating.

So I'm not negligent. It just feels like it's one more thing and whilst I've been right about everything so far it feels like whenever I go in it's a 'back again?' Type of thing.

But I have taken note of everyone's comments and will get him a referral.

He's absolutely flying at school, brilliant phonics knowledge and is 'greater depth' with reading. Everything to me indicates his hearing is fine but I do think there might be a processing problem. Which I now realise I can get checked but probably not until he's 7.

I'm very aware of overstretched services so didn't want to waste resources.

To be fair your post is literally titled aibu to ignore my sons claims?

But at the same time people have given you advice on the issue at hand.

The fact you have concerns about autism very much points to the fact this could be a processing issue but having it logged that he had concerns about his hearing will also help to build a picture.

If you dont bring it up with the GP, make a note, actually I would recommend notes of all your concerns as when you do get to the point of assessment, you will be amazed at how much ties in. You may finally feel like the puzzle pieces slot together.

If you dont want to go to the GP right now, you could also look into a private hearing test just to give your son reassurance.

One of my children said this early on and passed initial hearing tests. Turns out they had a significant auditory processing issue which meant during any situation where there is background noise, they can't hear. So, my whispering is easy to hear if we are alone, but hearing teacher/classmates/parent in a classroom/pool/park etc., much much harder.

Since we navigated this, two friends dc have had the same diagnosis. Please listen to him. and even if he passes a hearing test, know there can be other issues at play. We needed another set of very specialised tests for it to be picked up and that Consultant told me there are many children who are never diagnosed b/c they pass tests which are done in a quiet space etc.

Another dc complained about being unable to hear well and they had too much wax build up in their ears. GP and practice nurse used water treatment to get it out. They have needed it done a couple times since.

I have a child who is HOH though not fully deaf and my honest feeling with the variety of experiences is that when a child says there's an issue, there often is.

I think it's sensible to get it checked. I ignored DS saying he couldn't hear when he was about that age. Turns out he had Glue ear and needed an operation to put grommets in his ears.

I used to say "chocolate?" as a test. He could lip read the word chocolate perfectly well but not hear, according to the audiologist, most of the rest of what I was saying.

I don't think you sound like a negligent mother, if you were, you wouldn't be asking for advice. Keep advocating for your child, the fact you are pushing for an autism diagnosis means you will come up against judgy individuals in and outside of the medical profession but you know your child and at the end of the day you need to do what is right for them. The health service is there for a reason and the way things manifest with autistic folks can just be different. Sod what others think, so what if you're in the doctors more than others, who is counting? You sound like a great mother.