To think DH should be up for this

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We have some free, family based child care this afternoon.

I’ve suggested to DH we go to the local pub.

he has declined because he has an early start tomorrow (8.30am leaving the house to coach DS football)

we rarely have time together like this.

AIBU to feel pissed off that not only does he not want to spend time with me, but also to feel totally dejected when I suggested we could have a afternoon together in the pub- to be turned down.

Storm off to the pub by yourself and slam the door on the way out. Come home drunk and eating a kebab? That should show your displeasure 😂

Why can’t you do something that’s not the pub so he can still get an early night?

Can you leave the miserable bugger home and go out with someone else?

Is going to the pub something he enjoys doing usually?

I wouldn’t have said 8:30 is an early start 😂 unless you are heading for an absolute session he should be able to manage!!

Yes he more than enjoys going for a drink / pub with mates etc.

it’s too late in the day to arrange to go with someone else.

I would be delighted to spend some time with DH, together. Feel absolutely gutted that his first thought is to turn me down.

What would he rather do?

It depends…. Does he just mean he doesn’t want to have a drink because of what he’s doing in the morning? Or does he mean he doesn’t want to do anything at all? I can understand not fancying going for a drink, did you suggest an alternative or was that all you wanted to do?

What will he be doing instead? Id say that was your real issue

Is it that he doesn't want to go to the pub?
Or that he doesn't want to spend time with you?

Go back to him and say what shall we do?

Go for a walk?
Have an early dinner at x?
Cinema, early showing of something.

We don't have to drink anything and can be in bed by ten but I'd really like to.do something together

Did you ask what he'd like to do instead so you can spend time together?

Yes it must always be absolutely what he wants to do. Dont expect your husband to just want to spend time with you doing something you asked to do.

Is there absolutely nothing else you could do? I'm not sure I'd fancy drinking down at the pub knowing I've got an early morning the next day (plus you mentioned childcare for the afternoon only so guessing DC will be back at some point!).

No, he offered no alternative. Just said he had an early start. Now sleeping on the sofa.

feel hurt, I’d never turn down the opportunity to have some time together.

Why is he asleep on the sofa at half four? Is he ill?

My parents are here. Our DD is 12 and our DS is away camping so my parents could look after DD.

He has had plenty of late nights with an 8.30 start before with his mates.

No he is not ill. Just having a snooze.

im nearly 50. I work every hour god sends and my husband isn’t bothered about spending some time together. Feels really crap.

8:30 is hardly the crack of dawn. I can see why you're upset, OP.

But surely if its that your parents are there, this was planned and you had a conversation before about whether your parents would babysit and what you'd do. It's not spontaneous.

Or have your parents just volunteered and its spontaneous?

Only you can know whether he's knackered after a busy week at work and hadn't planned on doing something and therefore just said no I'm.too tired.

Or whether actually he doesn't want to spend time with you and you have a fundamental problem in your marriage.

Parents were planned to come. We had not discussed going out, but then we hardly see each other in the week for any sort of discussion.

DH is not a person who needs to plan much really.

I’ll get over it, just feeling a little sad that I don’t make him feel that way anymore. I’d jumo
at the chance of a boozy afternoon with him.

Have you told him how much his reaction has impacted you and how you feel?

Do people understand that you don't have to get absolutely bladdered when you go to the pub?

I went to the pub for a Red Nose Day event last night. Came home at 10pm. Got up at 5am for a planned walk. No issue at all.

You need to tell him that you are hurt and upset by his reaction.

Wake him up.

Tell him that you want to spend time together

He has fallen asleep so no chance to discuss.

i maybe overthinking this, but can’t imagine any scenario where I’d turn him down id that makes sense? We have so little time together, I work really long hours and often life is frantic.

Ever heard of a nap?

Just go out with your parents. They don't need to be there if your DH is.