To think DH should be up for this

[Highnone]

We have some free, family based child care this afternoon.

I’ve suggested to DH we go to the local pub.

he has declined because he has an early start tomorrow (8.30am leaving the house to coach DS football)

we rarely have time together like this.

AIBU to feel pissed off that not only does he not want to spend time with me, but also to feel totally dejected when I suggested we could have a afternoon together in the pub- to be turned down.

I think all the “Why would he turn down a chance to spend time with me? I would never turn him down” stuff is a bit over the top. He just didn’t fancy spending an afternoon in the pub today. It’s not that deep, surely?

Also, you can ‘spend time’ together in the house. You could have suggested opening a bottle of wine and watching a film or something, when he didn’t fancy the pub. Honestly it sounds to me like you’re overthinking this.

Yanbu but then I don’t think he is either, he’s thinking oh god early start on a Sunday!

Why don't you ask if your mum and dad want to go for a meal with you? Let H babysit

Since when did women become responsible explaining normal human feelings to men?

If your partner suggests the pub and you turn them down, it's pretty clear they are going to be disappointed, especially if you refuse to do ANYTHING as an alternative. His nap means more to him than his wife's disappointment, and she can explain her feelings til the cows come home, it won't change that.

When did we start expecting so little from men? When are we going to stop making excuses for them? They are not poor confused inept idiots who cannot understand normal human emotions. If we would recognise an issue, you can pretty much take it for granted they can.

8.30 isn't early, and it's not a reason to avoid going out with your wife. So why isn't it on him to explain his reasons better?

If my partner woke me up from a doze on the sofa to tell me he was ‘hurt and upset’ that I didn’t feel like going out today, and demanded to spend time with me, I’d think he was a clingy, petulant, selfish twat. It’s incredibly needy.

Parents won’t go out - they want to stay in.

agree that I may be overthinking this. My view is that we have so few opportunities to do stuff together then we should jump at the chance.

Had you discussed in advance doing something?

Also, if your child is 12 why can't you pop out for an hour or so on a normal evening, and just leave them at home?

Wake him up and tell him this. It's not good enough.

If he's asleep now, he should be well able to spend a couple of hours in the pub and be able to get up tomorrow. Or you could have gone now and he could be back early for his beauty sleep. Pathetic!

I think your being a little precious about this OP. I wanted margaritas last week, asked ny DH if he wanted to go, he said no so went on my own! No drama, no hurt feelings. He just wasn't in the mood. Not everything is so deep and personal.

Imagine getting bashed on Mumsnet by your spouse for being tired and taking a nap instead of wanting to go to the pub 🙃

That's not what I said at all? Op 'suggested' the pub. That's not "this is what I want to do", not to me anyway. So, "ok, if not then pub what shall we do instead" is a reasonable question isn't it?

How often do your parents visit op? Mine don't come that much (long way) so I wouldn't even be thinking of going out if they were around. And my dh wouldn't be snoozing on the sofa being ignorant while they're here either.

They would be fine about us popping out for an hour or two.

He has woke up and I’ve explain pissed off. Apparently it’s ok because we all have a week off at Easter together. Which is true, but he has already been clear about how watching football matches will need to priotised.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being unreasonable. It’s just not how I expected we would turn out.

Is this a pattern of behaviour or a one off?

It sounds like he was genuinely exhausted today if he fell asleep on sofa?

but he has already been clear about how watching football matches will need to priotised.

And that's the problem. He's a selfish dick. You deserve better.

Is this normal behaviour? Hard to say - we have so few opportunities to spend time together.
watching football absolutely comes above and beyond me though. That’s always been the case.
that’s why him turning me down now has annoyed me so much today n

@Highnone but you have to make opportunities when you behave kids? They don’t usually just appear.
I dont think watching football by itself is a problem. It sounds like perhaps you’ve not been able to prioritise each other and now it’s very sensitive.
Maybe try to make a plan together once you’ve slept on it.

Sorry Op but this sounds incredibly dull. He's happy to go the pub with his friends or watch the football but he'd rather sleep on the coach than go out with you. At least now you know where you stand so I'd be making lots of plans with friends because it's no good relying on him

Couldn't you think of anything else to do together other than the pub? You could have suggested going for a meal, going to see a film, going for a walk. Instead you decided to sulk when he declined the offer of going to the pub when he has an early start the next day. That's fair enough, you were unreasonable.

He said no and then went for a nap, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to do anything with her.

So he's actually clearly told you where you rank in his priorities.

Has this changed over time?

How old io you have to be that popping to the pub and getting up at 8.30 are incompatible? 90? 100?

8.30 is hardly crack of dawn territory, I'm no surprised you're pissed off OP, he sounds a it dull

I get it OP. I would be hurt too, if his mates had asked him to come the pub under the same set of circumstances would he have turned them down?

I'd have gone to the pub with a book and left the miserable so and so at home