To step in regarding 7yo's clothing choices

[Ilovechocolate87]

DD (7) has rather a habit of bunging on random clothes together with a crazy mix of colours and patterns, often with lots or clashing going on.I have gently tried to guide her before into maybe putting plain top or bottoms with a patterned top or bottoms but haven't pushed the issue if she has seemed even abit reluctant and I've always tried to let her make her own clothing choices where possible, ever since she was a toddler and began having preferences.

I grew up with a very controlling dad and am keen to not be that sort of parent to my daughter.I have had the odd blip where I have got abit annoyed at her (for example the day a couple of years back when she was all set to go to a mermaid party in her Ariel costume accessories then at the last minute pulled it all off in favour of just plain clothes) but mostly have been fairly flexible.

However i know i probably shouldn't compare but it seems that everyone else's kids her age are always in quite well balanced/matched outfits colour/pattern wise.Not sure if the parents are pushing or guiding them alot with what they wear or if they just naturally happen to understand more about what clothes match others.

I just wonder now she is getting abit older if I should be taking abit more ownership over trying to influence her decisions abit more (not what to buy, just what to wear with what) as i'm also conscious that i don't want her to grow up like I did without any hint of fashion sense, or how to style my hair etc, as i wasn't taught those sort of things and ended up always looking abit odd compared to my peers.

What is everyone else doing/not doing?

Also give up on “teaching” them about clothes - you are too old and your advice is pointless.

The thing is, if you say 'that's the wrong thing to wear, here are rules about how to dress' you're likely to a) stress her out and b) make her repeat that message to other kids, in a less tactful way.

Just let her be a kid.

I think your post appeals to liberal-minded, fairly well-educated types (nothing wrong with that, I'm one myself). I suspect many parents are actually controlling of these things, either through sensitivity to what others think, because they think they know best or due to lack of finances. (As a teacher and parent myself, I've met a lot of parents.)

Yep.

like pp said about teaching plaid and polka dots don’t go- I’ve seen some amazing outfits which “intellectually” shouldn’t be seen together but some creative soul has and it works brilliantly.

the point of fashion is to do new things and be creative. You won’t know if it works until you try it.

if you want it raise a confident daughter who is secure in her self then the best thing you could do is teach her not to care about what other people think about how she looks.

One thing that strikes me on this thread is the number of comments like "My daughter has thrown on a unicorn top, a sparkly kitten jacket, a tutu, stripey tights and wellies! Let them express themselves, I say."

It is fairly clear that these children's choices are being managed by a carefully curated wardrobe, so they can choose freely from a selection of the "right" garments. They are not rocking a peach cotton summer dress with a hand-me-down khaki army surplus sweater and bare legs in winter, or a Mombasa t shirt, red Adidas track pants and baby blue anorak (two looks of mine that I regret based on photos prominently displayed in my parents' house). At that time clothes often came in a big black bin bag from friends, and were not curated at all.

So what I would suggest OP is that you steer her by controlling what is in her wardrobe, to limit the damage

But she thinks bright red trousers with tigers on goes with her blue and green check top so convincing her that she needs a plain top with it has nothing to do with the environment. As it is she's getting fat more wear out of stuff she loves

Personally I wouldn't do this as it's being critical over something they have picked themselves. Give them a bit of freedom/autonomy and they'll feel grown up a d proud that they picked their outfit. Not so much if they are told that what they've chosen doesn't work.

My 5yo went out in sparkly tights, a swimming costume and walking boots last weekend. I let her get on with it - she’s got her whole life to be sensible.

I don't think this is true at all. We all care what people think of how we look, because it greatly impacts how we are treated. Having been raised in the belief that it was literally true that clothes don't matter, I believed it for longer than I should. In reality it is part of our social communication like posture or cleanliness, and we are unwise to tell children otherwise.

@Ilovechocolate87 the thing is, it's not something that needs teaching as it used to be. There are no hard and fast rules like "no double denim" or "no socks with sandals" or whatever , because "fashion" ,trends and styles are forever changing . As they age , most kids outgrow the "got dressed in the dark " stage eventually.

I have a 12 yo now who developed a massive aversion to any patterns,logos, writing etc. for the past 3/4 years. I honestly miss sometimes the days of the "unicorn puked on her " look, or red and white wide striped tights and neon green,sparkly tinkerbell shoes or the (badly home made) tie dye full outfits.

Let your daughter wear what she wants to wear (age and weather appropriate). Honestly this anxiety over matching clothes is pretty sad. Where do you think kids learn to make fun of people for their clothing? From adults. Teach your daughter better than that.

I have several friends whose daughters wear clothes that are ‘well put together’. Those children have their outfits picked for them by their parents, even if it’s ‘do you want top A or B?’. Tried that with my own daughter but no chance 🤣 I’ve learnt to let her pick her own way and if anyone makes fun of her they can get lost.

Don't understand why you are making this into a problem.

My 6 year old is the same. We let him crack on with it. He is so little and still learning. I do think he is actually getting better, the things he chooses are starting to match somewhat and he will point out that the orange in the top matches the orange in the trousers (ignoring all the rest) and sometimes he puts something together that looks really lovely.

I intervene if what he has on isn't weather appropriate or if we are going somewhere that requires us to look a bit smart or fancy. Then we pick somethings out together and find something we both think looks good.

I notice that for dress down days he is already starting to opt for something more muted like jeans and a hoodie instead of crazy patterned leggings, so I think he is already noticing what the more grown up kids wear and wants to fit in a bit more there. It won't be that long before he is asking for a black tracksuit I guess 🙁

My 11 year old son often goes out in full hot pink or hi viz yellow top to toe including to school on PE days. He enjoyed the fuss people made about it, including negative comments as he likes an argument. Now it’s his normal look and people who know him dont notice it and the kids who took the piss no longer do. It makes me happy that he feels that comfortable to stand out, I never did!

As long as she's dressing appropriately for the weather, I don't see the issue.

I certainly wasn't a fashion icon at 7, and I doubt many are!

My own 7yo DD currently favours sparkly party dresses worn over the top of patterned leggings and tops. It's a vibe.

Good for him! Teens here are very identikit.

The middle ground in our house is that DD gets to pick the top or bottoms and I complete the outfit.

She gets her choice, I get to make it look nice (and quite often still get to give her a choice about jeans/leggings/skirt).

She looks as well presented as a child can, but the “look” is based upon the main piece she picked.

As she’s getting older and has mainly ditched patterned bottom half clothing it’s getting easier I must admit! I think I’ll be suggesting that she can try putting outfits together herself this summer, when I can work on gently explaining colour combos etc.

As long as she's dressing appropriately for the weather, I don't see the issue.
As pp said this

My DSnow 16 has always chosen his own clothes and knows his own mind about what he wants to wear - even on school dress down days at primary he had strong opinions and wasn't in the football kits that all the other boys chose , he always looks really good in his combinations and it's one less thing to make a mountain out of

I worried more about his bloomin messy bedroom but MN taught me to close the door on it to stop me stressing about it and that works

Nothing has stopped me worrying about lack of gcse revision though

What happens if your idea of “nice”, well presented, and colour combo’s don’t fit the current teen fashion?

my mum was brought up with strict fashion rules about what went with what, and what you could and couldn’t wear.

regular battles when I wanted to wear DM’s with a dress, when wearing men’s polka dot shirts were a fashion, 80’s backcombing, so many times.

So when you’ve drummed it into her that you can’t wear plaid with polka dots, to use a previous example, but every teen and teen band is wearing it, what do you do? Discourage it because it’s not what you consider “nice”?

I let both of mine wear what they wanted 99% of the time. I made exceptions for things like weddings but even then gave them choices (e.g my daughter went to several weddings as a child where she didn't wear a dress because she hated them).

They've both turned out to be surprisingly conformist and "well put together" (as some would see it).

I’d let her continue. I have 3 teen DDs and I miss the days of colourful clothing! They’re all too fashion conscious now.

If you were saying inappropriate clothing that's one thing but just clashing is fine! Why make her self conscious?

When my son was smaller from 5-7 years he loved make-up mainly nail polish eye shadow and lip gloss.
I let him carry on with it i even got him is own sets.
Hes 21 soon and cant stand the stuff now but will do his soon to be wife`s nails.
Let kids be kids.
My youngest had a thing for beads and very bright out there long sleeve sweaters.
Hes 19 now and dont like bright colour tops.

Got a fb flashback of dd2 when instructed to dress sensibly coming downstairs in a pink ra ra skirt silk top and a jaunty side ponytail. Miss those days. Just gone into town in a crop top and tracksuit bottoms.