To step in regarding 7yo's clothing choices

[Ilovechocolate87]

DD (7) has rather a habit of bunging on random clothes together with a crazy mix of colours and patterns, often with lots or clashing going on.I have gently tried to guide her before into maybe putting plain top or bottoms with a patterned top or bottoms but haven't pushed the issue if she has seemed even abit reluctant and I've always tried to let her make her own clothing choices where possible, ever since she was a toddler and began having preferences.

I grew up with a very controlling dad and am keen to not be that sort of parent to my daughter.I have had the odd blip where I have got abit annoyed at her (for example the day a couple of years back when she was all set to go to a mermaid party in her Ariel costume accessories then at the last minute pulled it all off in favour of just plain clothes) but mostly have been fairly flexible.

However i know i probably shouldn't compare but it seems that everyone else's kids her age are always in quite well balanced/matched outfits colour/pattern wise.Not sure if the parents are pushing or guiding them alot with what they wear or if they just naturally happen to understand more about what clothes match others.

I just wonder now she is getting abit older if I should be taking abit more ownership over trying to influence her decisions abit more (not what to buy, just what to wear with what) as i'm also conscious that i don't want her to grow up like I did without any hint of fashion sense, or how to style my hair etc, as i wasn't taught those sort of things and ended up always looking abit odd compared to my peers.

What is everyone else doing/not doing?

I had to start leaving a favourite pair of very worn leggings at the bottom of the laundry basket!

Let her crack on. My dh gets up tight about kids clothes and wants them to wear certain things. I'm happy if there is no holes and they fit. However I love a tacky character t shirt or jumper.

Please don't make her think that her worth is tied into what she looks like or wears. My DD(9) wears the most random combinations but as long as it's clean, it fits and it's weather / activity appropriate I don't say anything because who gives a shit?

My DS is 7 and the only time I step in is when he tries to wear something completely impractical.
So today was own clothes day at school and he wanted to wear his white England football strip. I said no mainly because it was also spag bol day at school plus school and white is a daft combo.

Otherwise he can wear what he wants! He helps buy most of his clothes anyways and I love that kiddy expressionism

Mine consistently looks like they got dressed out of a jumble sale but I only intervene if the occasion requires ‘appropriate’ clothing (wedding etc) or it’s freezing cold/pissing down and they try to leave house without a jumper or a coat! Toning down of colour/pattern has started to happen recently so I think they are ageing into conformity and the whacky combos will soon be a thing of the past

That's a good option....a sort of closed choice idea

That sounds like a good compromise

I think by 7 they like to choose. By then my dd dressed herself and was v colourful, sometimes matching sometimes clashing! there’s no way she’d go for choice of two items. I have let her choose as long as it’s clean, fitting and appropriate. As pp says, they have years ahead of feeling pressure about how they look - I’d rather she enjoyed expressing herself in her clothes.

Bit odd to say about a 7 yo ...

Ah, my dd was like this too op. I have a photo of her wearing a total of six clashing prints/patterns in one outfit. I let her get on with it. I did sometimes think oh no, everyone will think I'm not dressing her nicely but I weighed up this with her need for creativity and autonomy and decided to pick my battles.😂

Why?

Yes and this is why I'm conscious of not wanting to push her too hard into wearing what I think she should, because it's not like she is doing anything wrong dressing however.

Just didn't know if she might need me to guide her abit with it but sounds like from people's responses that she will be guided herself in time.

I also don't want her to become self conscious about her appearance at a young age.

Haha, thanks, that's great 😂

Let her choose what she want to wear! Mine had ridiculous choices at that age but why not?

I only step in if we're going to a particular event, in which case I offer a closed choice or "would you like to wear fancy thing?" which generally works because DD loves a fancy dress. Otherwise it's just if it's inappropriate for the weather, and even then I often end up carrying DS's coat just so it's clear that I didn't make him dress like it's 10 degrees warmer than it is.

Who is buying all these mismatched patterns and colours? If you want to restrict the outfits she wears then don't buy her things that are likely to clash.

Sometimes I have to ask my 8 year old DD to change in to something less migraine inducing. But that’s only if I really can’t bear the clash of colours and patterns. But usually i just let her get on with choosing her own clothes herself.

Why does it have to ‘match’? What rule says that?
Whether it matches or not is subjective anyway.

I'd let her get on with it, and snap some photos. I miss those days so much - as mine have decided to go the mainly black route now. Apparently 'popping' is a bad thing.

Also, in what way can a 7 year old EVER look like a prostitute? That’s just fucking weird to think that.

Ohh please don't stifle her creativity. Maybe for special occasions give her options of x, y and z, but don't make her dress in a way that she doesn't feel happy with day to day. My parents gave me free reign with my hair and clothing choices, always, and I'm still thankful of that in my 40s. She'll develop her own style over time.

I intervene with my 5 year old DD, she’d wear the most random things if I didn’t. Perhaps I should let her get on with it, but if we’re going somewhere nice I don’t want her to look a mess. I’ve always loved clothes, she does too, so I often say, you can’t wear a pink spotty top, with leopard leggings and green crocs. Sometimes there’s a debate but I always coax her in to an outfit that is clean, matches and is appropriate for where we are going.

My youngest daughter, aged about 4. Floral skirt with leggings underneath, an owl top and her kitten bomber jacket.
She was a fan of the mixed look
She's a big teenager now and I'd do anything to go back to the simplicity of those days! 😭

you can’t wear a pink spotty top, with leopard leggings and green crocs

Why not? What harm is it doing?

@Ilovechocolate87 I think I know where you’re going with this. I’ll say it out loud and get all the disagreements.

Right now it doesn’t really matter to your daughter what she wears. But soon ‘the great sorting’ happens in a child’s life where it will matter and it will be a factor in her social life.

I’m not too sure you will be able to influence her final sort. She’s going to conform to whatever structure she feels most comfortable in. That may mean a sudden interest in brands and fashion and keeping up on the trends or forging her own path. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

I think what your getting at is giving her some tools now to help if she wants to ‘fit in’ with the brand conscious follow the crowd group. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion… but at the same time it’s wasted if you force it on her and she still ends up in the ‘forge your own path’ category (which again there is nothing wrong with this)

So one of two things… either I’ve totally missed the mark and in that case you’ve wasted your time reading to this point 🤣or I’m close…so in case I’m close here’s my advice…

• She has some time before this becomes a thing…don’t sweat it too much at this point.
• Guide her but don’t dictate (unless it’s an occasion that has rules about dress standards) when you can so that she understands that plaids and polka dots don’t match at an intellectual level even if she doesn’t care.
• Keep in mind that clothes are a window to the soul for a teenage girl and you’ll be able to glean a lot of information from them if you pay attention.