To step in regarding 7yo's clothing choices

[Ilovechocolate87]

DD (7) has rather a habit of bunging on random clothes together with a crazy mix of colours and patterns, often with lots or clashing going on.I have gently tried to guide her before into maybe putting plain top or bottoms with a patterned top or bottoms but haven't pushed the issue if she has seemed even abit reluctant and I've always tried to let her make her own clothing choices where possible, ever since she was a toddler and began having preferences.

I grew up with a very controlling dad and am keen to not be that sort of parent to my daughter.I have had the odd blip where I have got abit annoyed at her (for example the day a couple of years back when she was all set to go to a mermaid party in her Ariel costume accessories then at the last minute pulled it all off in favour of just plain clothes) but mostly have been fairly flexible.

However i know i probably shouldn't compare but it seems that everyone else's kids her age are always in quite well balanced/matched outfits colour/pattern wise.Not sure if the parents are pushing or guiding them alot with what they wear or if they just naturally happen to understand more about what clothes match others.

I just wonder now she is getting abit older if I should be taking abit more ownership over trying to influence her decisions abit more (not what to buy, just what to wear with what) as i'm also conscious that i don't want her to grow up like I did without any hint of fashion sense, or how to style my hair etc, as i wasn't taught those sort of things and ended up always looking abit odd compared to my peers.

What is everyone else doing/not doing?

I've got two girls, when I pick out clothes for them I will point out how I chose items that go together (the tights match the pink of the flowers or whatever). 7yo is proud when she figured out things that 'go'. 10yo has a brilliant approaching punk style and takes no tips from me. She went to school in brown boots with grey leggings and a black floral top, with a floaty rainbow dress over the top.

I suspect the children who look 'put together' don't care about clothes and are happy just to wear what they're given.

Why does she have clothes so revealing that she could "look like a prostitute" in the first place?

Dsis was like your DD as a kid. She's now the most fashion forward person I know! Always looks stylish, and a leader, not a follower.
Let her wear what she wants, she'll find her own style

Best gift you can give your daughter is the confidence to be who she is without feeling upset/embarrassed/ashamed that she isn't like everyone else, not a course in hair and fashion.

Your problem wasn't that you looked different to other people/didn't know about fashion it's that your over controlling father robbed you of the confidence to be happy with who you are.

Sounds like you're doing a great job, don't let your lack of confidence influence what you do with your DD now.

Aw bless she's only 7! Just let you wear whatever she wants and try and overlook the weird combinations.

I would draw the line at odd shoes though

I always told my DD that a good 80% of style is just looking like you meant it. The most important thing is that she's having fun with clothes. She'll find her way - this is a chance to show her you approve of her choices and help to grow her confidence.

Step in and insist on her changing if the clothing is inappropriate for;

• the activity
• the occasion
• the weather
• the location

This may occasionally mean putting your foot down with colours and patterns (at a traditional funeral, for example, or with school uniform), but generally it's about safety concerns.

I actually think that she is approaching the age where a bit of guidance might be helpful. Of course you don't want to curb a 'quirky style' but if it's random ignorance rather than a style choice she might welcome a steer.

I had no idea about clothes as a child, and Mum dressed us mostly in charity shop stuff (which we could choose ourselves) or homemade things. We have lots of photos of us wearing things like stripy trousers with patterned tops. Awful. She also never told me I should have a parting in my hair (I know people don't these days but back then it was a thing). I was OK through primary school but when I went to secondary (boarding school, so they saw my 'home' clothes) I became really conscious that my outfits were awful and I had no style at all or awareness of what was OK. I also had to do my hair!

It just wasn't my Mum's thing, I suppose, but I have always wished she'd saved me the embarrassment and just given me a steer.

I think 10 year olds these days get it from tiktok - and maybe at 7 you don't need to worry too much - but don't necessarily rule out a gentle chat.

Sounds like your son might be a future designer for Boden......

Hmm, I don't really care as long as it's clean ish and season appropriate

Who cares if it matches

It always makes me smile when I see kids dressed in the way you describe OP. I think it’s so joyous and carefree to wear all of your favourite clothes together whether they match or not.

All 3 of my DDs are like this. They wear what they want and most of the time I inwardly roll my eyes. Like you op I had a controlling parent who put too much onus on my image. I won’t do it to my DDs.

I do pick an occasional battle where I will ask them to wear specific things, they look great until you look at the mop of messy hair, or dirty worn out shoes, all have long hair, all think brushing it once a day is enough and none will consider any form of hair up styles, not even pony tails. Apparently being forced to wear pony tales at school is bad enough. There occasionally might be a mismatched headband that doesn’t sit on the head properly, or my favourite home made bows out of old rags.

All 3 have beautiful wardrobes of clothes, hair accessories, jewellery yet all manage to look like no one owns them. I’ve been calling my youngest (6yo) Stig of the dump all week because she’s refused to brush her hair, it’s just been one crazy ball of knots. I shown her an old YouTube video of Stig, she thinks it’s hilarious and walking round like him 🤦‍♀️

She's 5 - why stifle her creativity? Unless you are off to a funeral why can't she wear pink spotty top with leopard leggings and green cross?

I'd buy a cute scrapbook, then take a selection of photos of these wacky outfits, stick them in with some colourful tape and write afew notes like "off to the park!" etc

Keep it and gift it to her when she reaches 18, explaining the story behind it

One of the things I loved the most about my youngest was the utterly chaotic clothing choices she made when she was little.
They're experimenting or they don't care or they're being expressive....who cares which!

She has a very tight very crop top that she is strictly only allowed to wear at home for dancing - the condition of getting it was this.. She also has a faux leather short(ish) skirt that she wears with thick tights, thick jumper & docs in winter. She also has patent kids high heel that are for used for dress up. She sometimes at home puts make up on.

All the above are fine in the house or with other items of clothes but not all together!
She would leave the house (given the choice!) with a crop top, leather skirt, no tights, patent heels & make up!

Why can't you wear a pint spotted top with leopard leggings? It's your 5 year old who is wearing it and if she thinks it looks good why does it matter?

Who makes up the rules about what clothes count as matching and what colours/ patterns you can or can't wear together.

I think you should teach your children that they can wear what they want and their worth isn't dependent on whether they wear clashing patterns.

I thought this too 😂 Boden love a bit of "wacky print" on kids clothes

Leave her with it...people usually see when a child has chosen the days clothes 🤣.
When my DD was little ..she would wear bright stripey tights...tutu...dr martens...and jasmines top from disneys aladdin. I actually thought it all adorable...used to make my heart tickle. Leave her to find her own autonomy, its healthy

I wouldn't worry about it OP. In about à year's time she'll look at all her clothes, go 'aaarrghhh' and completely overhaul her look. My DD would only wear pink, Frozen blended, and loved puffin skirt. Now she will only wear Black- even in the summer - and definitely no dresses or mermaid costumes!

YABU my DD clothes never match, she has fun and enjoys it. I only step in if it’s not appropriate for the weather.

My friends dd was like this from about five. We live in the very dull suburbs. She did not blend in.

She's at London College of Fashion now.

Leave her be. DS has been known to wear pajama bottoms (clean) with shorts and a random top. He also likes to draw on his plain t-shirts to match his current interest. He's good enough how he is. I have lines though. If we go to the theatre or out for dinner I'll insist he looks tidier but otherwise, it'll descend to boring teen uniform soon enough

I’m going to go against the grain here and suggests that actually at 7 she is approaching the age when some subtle guidance might be helpful. Wearing an abundance of clashing patterns might be cute on a 5 year old but she’s is getting to the age when others are getting more aware of their clothes choices, especially for things like own clothes days at school.

Mine is 10 now but for a while I’ve been trying to guide her a bit. We go clothes shopping twice a year and she has free rein to pick what she likes as long as it’s practical. Then we’ll talk about how to build an outfit, what goes with what, what clashes etc.

If she then wants to wear clashing items that is then her choice rather than ignorance.

Ultimately I think it is ok to provide guidance.