Being a step-mother

[VestibuleVirgin]

It used to recieved wisdom that it was pretty much always the man who would reject a woman's existing children if he remarried
Today, from the threads here, it's the women who absolutely viscerally hate their DPs or DHs children from a previous relationship.
From not taking them out with 'their birth DCs' (i.e leaving them behind), through not wanting to provide any care for them at their 'too frequent' access visits, and not wanting DH to spend to spend time with them, to hysteria that they must 'not be entitled to any of MY money when I die because their real mum will provde'...
Is it because you think the mother of the kids has some hold over you DH/P?
Is it because you would rather neither you nor your oh had any remider of his past life?
Many male animals kill the offspring of the previous male they have conquered.
Here, it seems like many of you would be happy if your DSC didn't exist!

I have a wonderful stepdad of 30 years, and I still agree with everything you say.

I read what people say about their stepchildren, listen to how they talk to and about them and just think ‘why’? I wouldn’t inflict it on my child anymore than I would inflict myself upon someone else’s children.

It's always the children who draw the short straw, so no - just no.

@ShakeNvacStevens Well said, especially the last paragraph 👏.

Nailed it. I feel the same as a single parent of 2 boys.

My exh has many faults and has gone through numerous relationships since our split but one thing I am glad about is that he doesn't seem to have any intention of blending either.

I should mention too that I am from a blended family, I have 2 half siblings. They treated my mum like shit, their mum was awful to her despite my mum going above and beyond to help out and try to foster a relationship, but they never accepted her, or me for that matter.

If you "really really don't give a shit" that people disagree with you, why are you here instigating a discussion on a board that literally asks people to question your narrative?

You don't need to criticise all step mothers, you don't need to hit out at posters who call you on how you've worded things (hysterical?).

You do probably need to see a therapist to talk about a childhood and collection of adults who surrounded you in that childhood who caused or facilitated enough trauma that you're carrying it to this extent.

How is it fair if the SC get to inherit from their mother, father and stepmum (and potentially stepdad) when the stepmums kids only get to inherit from her and their dad? I don’t see that as fair at all.
I certainly won’t be leaving anything to DSC as they already have a large maternal family to inherit from.

My step sister will be inheriting from her stepdad, my dad. I won't be inheriting from her mother, my stepmother

I think it’s grabby AF to expect to inherit from your parents AND your stepparents, but actually this entitled attitude seems to
be fostered in blended families tbh.

I won't be inheriting from my step family. My step family however will be inheriting from mine.

Chip on your shoulder?

I would put in a lot of effort and love into a relationship with DSC if I had them. I wouldn't leave them an inheritance though. They have two adults that will leave money to them, the same as my DC. If I had DSC that had an absent or dead parent then I would probably split it evenly. Otherwise, why should the DSC inherit from more adults than a step parents' bio children?

to hysteria that they must 'not be entitled to any of MY money when I die because their real mum will provde'...

No one is entitled to anyone’s money when they die. What a horrible attitude.

So your stepmum is protecting her money for her child, but your dad isn’t doing the same for you? I think your anger is being a bit misdirected, which is often the case.

So your stepmum is protecting her money for her child, but your dad isn’t doing the same for you? I think your anger is being a bit misdirected, which is often the case.

I'm not angry.

There would be merry hell if my father and I didn't decide to share the inheritance equally between all the shared children.

However, my father and I both acknowledge that the same won't happen the other way.

We're fine with that because it's fair and right. What they decide to do is on them.

I told my husband about the Christmas presents, he couldn’t imagine how it could be possible. One year I was given a £10 note by my father as I was walking into the house, he slipped it in my hand, like a weird deal or something. Then his stepdaughter (a year younger than me) came bounding from her room, “I got a TV and a new bed!”. I was 10. They’re still twats 😂

I’ve got a bio son and two step kids. Obviously I adore my own son, he’s great. Of my two step kids, my DSS is lovely and I wouldn’t wish him away. If I’d have had another son, I would have wanted one like him. Unfortunately, myself and DSD never really gelled. We don’t hate one another, just not besties 🤷‍♀️

I didnt used to get my money until jan/Feb. I assume she spent it. The other year I was going on holiday so my dad said he would ask her to sort it so I could take with me. Never did. Took months.

I dont have many memories from been a young child (my mum passed when I was young think this was coping mechanism). But I do remember asking my dad for 2 things and she told him her sons wouldn't get it.....so I didnt. My dad wouldn't have his money if it was for my mum passing and her sons have both parents so I know they would ask both. Still pisses me off to this day 😂.