To be upset about partner's kids pregnancy?

[He2508]

I'm 41 and my fiancé is 46, have been together for 2 years. We both have kids from previous marriages - mine 10 & 15, his 20 & 22. All girls!! We are expecting our own surprise miracle baby (another girl!) in July! The older 2 don't live with us but we all have a good relationship. My fiancé is a widow - the girls lost their mum when they were 10 & 12. I've never tried to take place of their mum but have always supported them and helped them whenever they've come to me for help or advice.
His 20 year old came to me mid-January because she'd just found out she was pregnant. The father was a hookup and she'd just started seeing someone else, who didn't want to help bring up a child that wasn't his. She didn't have a job and was nowhere near settled so decided to have an abortion. I didn't try and sway her decision either way - it's her body, her life, her decision. I made sure she fully understood the decision she was making. I supported her throughout it, including sending her money to help support her with no job, whilst dealing with my pregnancy.
She's just announced to me that she's pregnant again with her now boyfriend's baby, not much longer than a month since her abortion. I didn't react with excitement she was expecting so she sent me a huge message saying I'm jealous and upset that she'll be taking the attention from me and my baby. That's absolutely not the case. I'm more concerned for her and her wellbeing - physically and mentally. She has been messaging an ex boyfriend and telling me she's still in love with him and is quite emotionally immature. She still has no job, not long had an abortion and has kind of put my emotions and stress levels to the test with supporting her through everything over the past couple of months.
AIBU to not be excited about all of this? Should I just put my concerns aside and continue to support her decisions?

Being pregnant is not "knowingly doing something hurtful" to the DP's daughter.

I don't think the OP meant that the daughter getting pregnant was "hurtful".

Maybe she can clarify, because that word could only reasonably be used to describe the text from the DP's daughter in this context - not the actual pregnancy.

If you read back over the quoted parts you'll get the gist of that conversation.

The hurtful part was the reaction, not the pregnancy.

That's what I thought. I find OP's posts are slightly ambiguous in places.

You are adamant you’ve considered all the children in this scenario but many posters are looking from the outside telling you that you’ve done the classic rushing a blended family too quickly. Having another baby when all the other children are so much older is bound to cause worry and jealousy- you can deny it all you like but it is inevitable. They are only human and are watching you two do the classic ‘cement our relationship’. The children (and young adults) will
worry they’ll be pushed out.
Within you joy at your ‘miracle baby’ please consider the feelings and upheaval for all the others.

what's a miracle suprise? We're you planning more children? She's got pregnant twice very quickly. Sounds like she needs some whole life advice and needed it before January. How did she end up with no financial way to support herself? I'd take a bit of a step back. 2 years isn't a long time and soon you'll end up worrying over 5 children, despite two being 'grown up'

Ffs. So OP is either lying to make her own mess sound better or possibly just making the whole lot up for attention.

Looking back I was very immature at 20 and I know a few 20 year olds now who are worse than I was.

To be honest op
I'd be paying more attention to your own children
2 years is a very very short time ,for your children getting a new step dad moving him in ,gaining two step siblings and a new baby ..all in a very short space of time . probably having moved home to accommodate hi ,or moving bedrooms to accommodate baby .
I think a pregnant step daughter is the least of your problems

So not actually 2 years either ,from your other thread
Oh dear .what a mess

Could you not have just said ‘congratulations’ and bit your tongue? Agree with your reservations but not with you going silent when she announced her news.

How on earth were you to know about previous posts unless you ran straight to the advanced search after reading the OP? That’s incredibly jobless behaviour

It took them a second to do - and was fairly relevant. I'm also wondering what the deal is in light of this. Have to wonder if it's genuine. Or if it's just been spun a certain way.

This really.

i think other pps on this thread are being out of order questioning your decision to have another baby and judging you for it. But then that is exactly what you are doing to your partner’s daughter. It’s easy to judge other people’s reproductive choices, but it’s never legitimate. It’s one of the most personal/ intimate choices a person can make and your role is to be supportive.

You’ve missed my point which is understandable as I wasn’t speaking to you.

How was I to know the OP’s previous posting history whilst reading page ONE of the thread. I do not read a post, go searching for their previous posts and then come to the comments on any thread that I read. Why the hell would I do that with every thread that I click on? Are MN paying me to do that? I didn’t think so.

I was simply asking another poster to explain their view. It wasn’t clear from their comment that they were commenting on something OTHER than what had been mentioned here

I think that you make unnecessary snide judgements so why wouldn’t I further think less of you?!

Honestly it's a bit rich to judge her when you're pregnant with a fella you've only been with 2 years when you have a teen and a near teen. At 2 years in I'd expect just thinking about living together. I feel bad for your kids. With a whole new family and two babies due.

Doesn't sound like anyone is making good choices.

🤣

AIBU to not be excited about this

I was thinking there is something a bit off about your post before the real background was revealed. It always seemed like it was more about you worried about the spotlight coming off yourself. Who on earth do you think you are to “not be excited” about your new boyfriend’s adult daughter’s pregnancy. Did you talk her into the previous abortion? You should be minding your own business.

Instead maybe focus on your own choices, you sound completely irresponsible here. You have only just split from your daughters’ father, been with a new man for just over a year and he has already moved in and you are four or five months pregnant. You already have four children between you, you have no right to be judging other people’s decisions.

@Springcat

Looks like only one year, going off the previous posts.

She's already 5 months pregnant to boot.

So she was having unprotected sex and trying for a 'miracle' baby after only 8-9 months 😬

You considered two teen girls having their mother move in with and get pregnant after having you having only known him 9 months... ?

Riiiiiight.

Presumably the girls haven't known him for the whole year you've been together?

How would you feel if at 15 your mum met someone and was already 5 months pregnant with a man they barely know?

Doesn't sound like someone who is putting their needs and interests first 😬

This thread is actually really sad. Op not coming back kinda shows she doesn't agree her own behaviour isn't great.

Yes just support her thats all you can do regardless of what you think.

When it all goes wrong who will have to end up helping raise the childrenshe keeps on trying to have, if not you then stay well away

Stay out of it. She's a grown up and has to make her own decisions.

Focus on your pregnancy and not hers.

Undoubtedly she's coming to you for help when it all goes wrong but cross that bridge when you get to it.

This entire situation is a slow rolling disaster just waiting to happen. What a mess.