Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not look after ILs dog?

94 replies

Flowersandforests · 13/03/2024 18:20

IL’s are going away for a week in a couple of months and have no one to look after their dog so they’ve asked me and DH.

I don’t like dogs - and ILs know this. DH said no straight away as it would be me having to do the majority of the dog sitting. However his 2 younger sisters (who are away at the same time so can’t look after the dog) have got involved and are saying we are being really selfish and it shouldn’t even be a question that we would do this for the ‘family dog’.

DH moved out years before the dog arrived - we’ve never looked after it before or even taken it for a walk. I have very begrudgingly let ILs bring the dog to our house when they come over as they can’t leave it on its own, but I honestly hate it. I can’t stand all the dog hairs, they get everywhere.

ILs haven’t asked again but said they’re very disappointed we said no. But DH’s sisters will not shut up about it !

DH has stood firm but is now saying we need to be the ones to find them alternative options and then pay for it. AIBU to think none of this is our responsibility and they all need to back off and accept we’ve said no?!

OP posts:
MiltonNorthern · 13/03/2024 19:51

Why can't his sisters look after it? And why can't his parents pay for it?

Scaffoldingisugly · 13/03/2024 20:03

Sisters away. Says in the initial post....

moonfacer · 13/03/2024 20:13

Flowersandforests · 13/03/2024 19:05

Thank you everyone, I’m glad I haven’t totally lost grip on reality here !!

DH said no straight away - he has a job where you can’t do it at home and the dog can’t be left so it would be all on me.

He’s started to mention arranging & paying because his sisters will not leave it alone & he’s trying to keep the peace. I’m adamant the we shouldn’t get involved

I think you should be firm and tell him that him arranging and paying for dog care makes you both look guilty and that he should refuse.

As twat sisters are going away then they can pay for an alternative.

Get upset, OP!

AdoraBell · 13/03/2024 20:17

As a dog lover myself, YANBU. Tell them to find a dog sitter or kennel. It’s their responsibility not yours.

Stick to your guns.

Iloveacurry · 13/03/2024 20:19

Why can’t they book a kennel?

Stressy26 · 13/03/2024 20:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all about not paying for kennels as that's a ridiculous idea 😂!!

But it depends on the relationship you have/want to have with them and what they do for you. It's only a week and yeah it's really annoying but is it worth the fallout. My in laws do a lot for us so I would watch the dog for them - especially if it was a one off!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 13/03/2024 20:26

Nope not your problem to solve either issue of where it goes or who pays.

Who would ordinarily look after it? If it's one of the sisters who's also going away now, tell them that they're being unreasonable booking a holiday at the same time leaving them j able to help.

They want to go away, they need to find care and if that involves paying a dog sitter/kennels/home boarding then that's what they do... not you.

Thinking about it, I might nip to my neighbour who usually has my dog and tell her she needs to pay for the boarders we need at the end of the month because she's not available Grin

Fivecluckyhens · 13/03/2024 20:26

It might not become a once off though.

mn29 · 13/03/2024 20:29

WTAF?! And the cherry on the cake “DH has stood firm but is now saying we need to be the ones to find them alternative options and then pay for it.” This is complete madness. It is their dog, it is their responsibility. You are under no obligation at all to look after the dog, nor to find alternative arrangements. I would absolutely be putting my foot down about this. NO WAY.

Rainbowstripes · 13/03/2024 20:32

Please do not pay for it because you leave yourself open to them expecting the same thing in the future! I've got a dog who my family love but I would still never expect them to look after him while I go away. My dog my responsibility to pay someone to take care of him

Herdinggoats · 13/03/2024 20:32

YANBU unless they support you in other ways. Do they provide you with childcare, babysitting or anything- that might change things slightly.

I used to look after my niece twice a week for three years. I asked for one afternoon for my brother to look after my dog and the answer was no…he couldn’t manage the dog with the toddler… I was most pissed.

Scarletttulips · 13/03/2024 20:34

We had friends with dogs and we just swapped for holidays - really cheap solution.

They should’ve thought about this before planning a holiday.

forrestgreen · 13/03/2024 20:35

Arranging and paying is a lovely idea, however that can be the kind thing his interfering sisters can do.

Mnk711 · 13/03/2024 20:36

ILs shouldn't be booking in a trip with no dogsitter arranged in advance. Either they or sisters rearrange their trip or they have to find an alternative dogsitter.

Scottishskifun · 13/03/2024 20:39

They have plenty of time to sort out either a dog sitter, home board or kennels!

I love our dog and friends do look after her when away but we take their dog in return but I would never dream of asking someone who hates dogs!

Ek1234 · 13/03/2024 20:40

YANBU, your in laws should have ensured that arrangements were in place before they booked to go away.

As a dog owner myself I know that finding someone to take care of the dog isn't always easy. I don't personally like kennels and wouldn't put my dog in one. My family all have dogs and we do tend to look after one another's, but I have been in a situation where I haven't been able to make arrangements for my dog therefore I haven't been able to go away when I wanted to, but that's all part of being a responsible owner.

I would never impose my dog on some one who clearly doesn't like animals. So I think YANBU and think that your in laws either need to make suitable arrangements or cancel their trip. It's not up to you and your husband to do that.

Unexpectedbaby · 13/03/2024 20:41

Absolutely not a chance.

We are living with my parents right now whilst saving for a house. My Dad was complaining yesterday how no one else helps walk the dog. I told him in no uncertain terms that they got the dog a year before I originally moved out. She is not my dog and therefore not my responsibility. I don't mind helping here and there but I won't be guilt tripped when they bit off more than they can chew getting a dog all those years ago just because I'm living here again.

bubblesforbreakfast · 13/03/2024 20:58

Not being unreasonable in the slightest. Unless you're going back on a previous promise? My in laws were like this. One time it was "can you drive us to the airport? No, well can you book and pay for a taxi?" Nip. In. The. Bud.

TheCraicDealer · 13/03/2024 21:08

Stressy26 · 13/03/2024 20:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all about not paying for kennels as that's a ridiculous idea 😂!!

But it depends on the relationship you have/want to have with them and what they do for you. It's only a week and yeah it's really annoying but is it worth the fallout. My in laws do a lot for us so I would watch the dog for them - especially if it was a one off!

This is sort of what I was going to say. If they’re normally a bit jack or you’re very self sufficient then sticking to a firm “no” is completely reasonable. However if they do childcare for you or you want to be able to rely on them in an emergency (and let’s face it, rightly or wrongly they will see this as an emergency!) then, as much as it would pain me to do it, I would take the dog as a one off.

I am not an animal person so I can completely understand where you’re coming from- especially since you’ll be left doing the actual care of the animal, not your husband. But if the dog “can’t be left” then I’d assume kennels are out of the question and you’ll be looking at a pet sitter, which won’t be cheap.

phoenixrosehere · 13/03/2024 21:13

*Thank you everyone, I’m glad I haven’t totally lost grip on reality here !!

DH said no straight away - he has a job where you can’t do it at home and the dog can’t be left so it would be all on me.

He’s started to mention arranging & paying because his sisters will not leave it alone & he’s trying to keep the peace. I’m adamant the we shouldn’t get involved*

I’d tell him if his sisters are so concerned then they should be helping his parents sort and pay for it instead of moaning at him when neither of you have ever cared for the dog nor want to. The dog is their responsibility, not yours, and they should have considered who was caring for the dog before they booked the trip so they either postpone it or look into other accommodations for the dog.

IncompleteSenten · 13/03/2024 21:17

If you arrange and/or pay for anything what you are doing is confirming to them that taking care of the dog when they are away is your responsibility.

Mistyhill · 13/03/2024 21:18

Don’t feel even slightly guilty. I dog sat for my siblings dog and it was so annoying. I like dogs but it was anxious and clingy and woke us up all night. Never again!!

Scaffoldingisugly · 13/03/2024 21:19

Doing something once for cfers becomes their status quo....

RatatouillePie · 13/03/2024 21:24

How far away do you live from them?

If they're nearby could you stay at theirs and look after the dog so it doesn't have to be at your house?

What's wrong with using a local boarding kennel? THEY should be paying. Not you!

If you have a dog then boarding needs to be factored in to the cost.

Springtime43 · 13/03/2024 21:25

IncompleteSenten · 13/03/2024 21:17

If you arrange and/or pay for anything what you are doing is confirming to them that taking care of the dog when they are away is your responsibility.

Yep!