Worried about DSs friend subsiding their trip

[LizLooo]

DS is 18, he's in sixth form, due to go to uni next year to study accounting and finance. He has 3 main friends at school, he does socialise with more but 3 are his core friends, 2 girls, 1 guy.

One of DSs friends parents passed away when they were younger. From what I can tell they were left a sizeable inheritance and some was earmarked for travel. This friend and DS had been friends since about Y8.

DS hasn't worked through school. He had a job in the summer after his GCSEs and continued it a little into Y12 but his mental health was declining. I felt it was too much to be at school 8.30-3.15, then study groups, then homework, plus sports and socialising. I didn't feel like he should have to be spending the equivalent of a full time job at work or school so young. Since then we give him an allowance and he focuses on his studies. We are all happy with this.

This summer his 3 friends and him want to travel Europe. The friend with the sizeable inheritance has said she will cover hostels, so they can stay somewhere a little nicer and go to more expensive cities. DS would just need flights and inter-rail pass plus spending money then. He had money in his child trust fund account that he can use for this.

However I'm concerned, that the friend who is subsidising the trip is going to take control or feel entitled to call the shoots and DS may not have as good of a time. I'm also worried the friend may resent it and it cause issues in the group more widely. I know the friend is a nice person but I'm still concerned.

AIBU to want to recommend to DS he only does what he can personally afford, even if that means half the trip or similar? Or do you think it's fine for his friend to subsidise the trip?

@NineofPopes I know her parents aren’t alive. I’m sure they didn’t intend on her spending her inheritance on pimping up her friends trip. You resided in somebody’s home, you wasn’t on holiday. Wildly different scenario. Your friend was likely glad of the company. Win win.

The point is people should pay their way.

Thanks,

DS claims she wants to do it as otherwise they all do a worse trip, including her or she goes alone which she doesn't want as she already has lots of solo travel planned for the rest of her gap year. I still think it's a bad idea but I don't know how much extra we could afford to give him if I'm honest.

To be honest, he needs to get a job. Thats how most 18 year olds fund their trips. He could supplement the support you’ve generously offered him with a Saturday morning job. Learn life skills, make new friends and start to create a CV for adulthood.

He plays a sport competitively, I'd rather he continue this and not work than quit this to work.

I think it’s ok as long as he doesn’t take the piss. I helped out my friends travelling as I really wanted them to come.
When she’s next round I would have an open conversation about being careful with her money though and make sure she has an adult she can trust to look out for her.

Exactly what I took from this. Unbelievable

Not sure what you mean by ‘yes I know’ but comes across as quite offensive

He needs a job - lots of teens have jobs and it funds their extras - it will help with university and job applications later and affording trips abroad.

You seem to think playing sport is more important, but what does you son think? Is this a bragging right? Son is brilliant at cricket verses he works in Tesco on Saturday’s?

I think you need to have a long hard look at your own priorities and work out how he can afford to go on this trip paying his way.

DD works all summer and earns around £1500 a month x 5 months she does Christmas and Easter when home from Uni - it’s a fair whack for fun money. And yes she’s paying for her own holidays.

Working isn't an option. Not asking for or taking opinion on this. He enjoys his sport he has the rest of his life to work. End of.

This. Right cheekyfuckery.

Wake up and stop taking advantage of a teenager bankrolling your child from their dead parent's inheritance! What if the bankrolling is not to your liking? What the actual???

Christ, you don't want him to get a job but you're OK with him being bankrolled by his friends dead parents for something COMPLETELY non essential.

Good lord.

TELL him he does what HE can afford or doesn't go! The entitlement astounds me 🤦‍♀️

He is 18. Surely it's not your call if he wants to get a job or go overseas?

Good lord. Can't have a job because with his exams it would be like him working full time, can't get a job because of his non negotiable sport. COULD sponge off a deceased child but what if he didn't get his own way on the trip and not enjoy it. Are you seriously for real OP?

It's vile. Absolutely vile.

It's genuinely one of the worst things I've read on here.

He is 18.
Leave him to it.

You want to interfere in an adult's plans because you think he might have more fun doing something else?

Really - back off. Yes, if you were worried they were paying for him to do something terribly reckless and risky, then you could say something.

But thinking he might have a better time or that his friend might want to prioritise activities they like is not a reason to get involved in another adult's life.

Maybe he will have a rubbish time. That's ok. It won't kill him. He has the rest of his life ahead of him to learn how to plan a trip he enjoys
On the other hand, he might have brilliant time!

I can't get over that you've no concerns that your ds friend is spending some of her inheritance on your son and others holiday. Surely your first concern should have been for his friend and her welfare and good support , or lack thereof... , not whether her paying might in sone way ruin his holiday...

How could you think this way?

This

You should be more worried about taking advantage of a vulnerable young girl than your son's experience being lessened as a CF. Teach him some morals, he needs to pay his own way or you need to pay for him, not exploit his friend.

Absolutely this. OP, why isn't this your 'concern'?

Well then they do a "worse trip" whatever that means. If he doesn't want to get a job then he'll just have to go on a holiday he CAN afford instead won't he. There's no way I'd let another 18 year old fund my own no matter where that money was coming from. My 18 year old wouldn't accept that in the first place! Little scrounger

I spent the best part of two years living for free in a beautiful listed building. He could have charged us rent (it wasn’t just me), but he didn’t. I was much richer than I would otherwise have been, because I didn’t have to pay for student accommodation, and I was able to stay though the vac, sitting on antique furniture, drinking wine from his parents’ cellar. He didn’t pay out extra money from his inheritance for a holiday, no, but he was covering gas and electricity bills for three extra people, and subsidising us for the sake of company, just as the OP’s son’s friend is proposing.

Working isn't an option. Not asking for or taking opinion on this. He enjoys his sport he has the rest of his life to work. End of

He also has the rest of his life to go on holiday and not sponge off friends.

You’re are as cheeky as he is.

It's eye opening there are people in the world with such shitty morals that they'd actually feel comfortable posting something as horrendous as this.

I hope OP has "complained" about this to many people in real life so they have the full measure of her and her family.

Do you know whether the friend has someone helping her make good financial decisions?

I don't think it's necessarily a bad choice to spend money earmarked for travel on her friends' accommodation. It depends on her travel budget. She might much prefer travelling a month with friends than two months alone.

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