Sister using my cancer for virtue signalling

[Fixing]

My sister has set up a just giving page for a sponsored swim to raise money for cancer research. It is ‘in memory of mum & uncle, and in support of my sister’ (and she includes all our names.) My mum & uncle both died of cancer. I was diagnosed last October, had surgery and have been on chemo since Christmas.

My sister hasn’t told me about either the swim or the fundraising page. I’m really annoyed for two reasons.

1. She is using my cancer to signal her virtuousness to her friends and partners family.
2. She has published my health status on the internet without asking if that’s ok with me.

For context, she hasn’t actually supported me very much. She did look after my 5 year old for a night shortly after I came out of hospital and whilst my ex partner worked that weekend and we had no other help. She visited once in November immediately after I came out of hospital (mainly to drive my dad over), then again a month later. I was still completely knackered so talking and standing up was hard but I made a meal/cleaned for them. We spent about half of Christmas day together. She hasn’t bothered to ask how I’m doing/feeling for months but has texted some photos of her holidays/child to a Whatsapp group (of just me, her & our brother).
Also, it was my birthday recently. No card, gift, phone call or visit-just a brief text message from her.
Additionally I’m living in house with my ex partner and trying to negotiate buying him out which is horribly tense. His family have recently experienced an awful tragedy and are struggling. I have no close friends and no real support here.
My sister knows about all this.
She lives about 40mins drive away, works 3 days/wk and has 60/40 shared custody of her child, but has found hardly any time for me over the last 6 months.

AIBU to be annoyed at her?

YABU-She is doing well to raise money for a good cause and needs to tell people why to get support.

YANBU-She should not publish your cancer diagnosis on the internet without asking you first.

YANBU. Text her now saying you don’t want your illness to be public knowledge and she needs to remove the reference to you immediately.

And please don’t send the self-absorbed twat a card or present or text on her birthday.

I hope you have a good recovery

Contribute to her Just Giving page and leave a sarky message

She is making money for a good cause however she is also being a massive prick.

Publishing someone else’s circumstances without them knowing is disrespectful and out of line.

Has she always been this self absorbed?

I would be furious at the break of my confidentiality. And challenge it immediately.

Does she have form for selfishness usually?

Take care x

I'm so sorry. You are dealing with so much, with limited support.

YANBU. Tell her about the Just Giving page and that it's unacceptable.

Is there any other support you can call on? I'm assuming your brother isn't very involved either.

I really hope everything improves for you 💐

Is it even legal to post health information without your consent??

Yes, it's nice she's fundraising. But she didn't need to include you. Some people just fundraise because they like doing challenges. I had a friend who did all sorts.

I do wish you all the very best. The

I’d considered writing something along the lines of ‘I’d rather have and a birthday card or phone call but enjoy your swim’.
But this isn’t elegant. She wouldn’t take it well and doesn’t have much of a sense of humour.

Definitely wouldn't be happy with that,your condition should be private to you , friends and family if you wish ...not announced online.

My bro was a HUGE help. He turned up every week, picked my child up from school and took her to swimming lessons. He did this for months and I was so very grateful to him.

Yanbu
Bypass her and complain to just giving themselves and get the page edited/taken down.
Gdpr rules.
F her.

She is quite narcissistic and dominates conversations. When challenged she will retaliate, never accepts she is wrong and never apologises.

I would ask her to respect your privacy and keep your diagnosis off the internet. I would specifically ask her to either take the page down or remove reference to you. I would also ask her where the fucking money is going. Assuming you’re not getting any of it.

Just send her a polite message saying that your illness is a private thing and can she please remove your details from her page as you are not comfortable this being in the public domain.

Complain to Justgiving page.

The money is going to the charity Cancer Research. If she’d have asked me which charity to raise funds for I’d have said Maggie’s straight away. They have been so amazingly supportive to me.

But shouldn’t I demonstrate to her the way I’d like to be treated? If I don’t send her a birthday card or call (what I’d consider to be the absolute minimum) it’s just a race to the bottom. If she was a friend I’d have ditched her decades ago but I can’t-she’s my sister and my only child needs a relationship with her cousins, however difficult that is for me.
This is probably a whole other thread!

Ask her to take it down straight away and if she doesn’t then complain to Just Giving and they ought to remove it for you.

Another vote for going straight to Just Giving with a complaint.

I would message her today and say you don't want your health information online as it's not "her friends business. you don't have to be pleasant to her just factual who cares if she's offended,

I probably wouldn't burn bridges but message her to say great that you are doing this but can you take reference to me off as don't want everyone knowing . That's so reasonable

She has said she is raising money for the cancer charity ‘in memory of mum&uncle, and in support of my sister (my name)’. Is that enough of a privacy breach to get Just Giving to remove the page? My diagnosis is only implied rather than stated outright…
I am really furious she is using it like this though!

Well you can only reportto just giving and see, she's raising money in your name you are still very much alive she imo needs your permission.

just ask her to take your name off, why do you care if she's offended ?

Yes you can complain to Just giving directly. Just state the page owner did not have your permission to put your details on there and you would like them removed. Email the data privacy officer or the complaints team

Thanks for the good advice on contacting Just Giving. I’ll drop them a line and link to the page and see what they say.