How do you feel about your adult children asking for lifts?

[ireallycantthinkofaname]

If they aren't confident driving the distance yet and there's no viable public transport options?
Petrol money covered

If you were my child I wouldn't think twice about giving you a lift, of course I would.

Could you arrange to be the passenger so they can practice the drive but with you for reassurance/advice?

I'm a new driver and my parents live a 2.5 hour drive away. I'm not confident with that drive, so they happily come to us almost every time at the moment. I drive it when my husband is available to be a passenger. We plan to build up to meeting halfway between us, then eventually me trying the whole drive alone.

I learned to drive in a super rural area, there's nothing they can do to prepare you for a big town/city unless you drive several hours to get to one. It's wildly different! I can reverse down narrow lanes with my eyes closed but drop me in the middle of a city & it's sensory overload - so I totally understand. Confidence does come with experience & when it comes to driving I think it's better to know your limits cos you risk not only your safety but others on the road too. Imo you're being sensible.

Agree with other pp about possibly going to the train station & doing it that way if possible? I've done that (40 minutes to the nearest one) rather than drive to the city I had to get to. Buses etc not an option here.

Failing that, yes I'd drive my adult child.

If the event is in a city centre, there must be some public transport available from outside. Can you find somewhere you are comfortable driving to and get public transport in from there?

The only way to get better at driving in different situations is to drive in different situations.

That said, I'd drive you if you were my child and there was something I could do in the city whilst you were at the event.

I passed my test in a very rural area (test in a small town) but within a month I drove, alone, the two and a half hours to my parents' house in a large town. Two hours of that was on very fast dual carriageways. Unless you do it you will never be confident. Give yourself plenty of time and plan your route. You could pay your driving instructor to do a dummy run with you too.

Unless your Mum is also attending the event or there are things for her to do in the town that she would like to do, I'd say it's a bit cheeky to be honest.

It's a 3 hour round trip. She's stuck there all day unless she drives home then back in between, which would make it a six hour round trip so unlikely she'd bother. So you're expecting her to give up a full day for you - can't you see that's quite selfish and inconsiderate?

I was quite adventurous long before I was confident driving on motorways. I accepted some things I couldn't go to, but most of the time I just took public transport.

I know you are rural but is driving to the nearest bus/train station then getting public transport from there not an option? Do you know anyone nearby who might be going and could give you a lift or is there a FB page for the event where you could ask? Is it night driving that scares you? If so,
could you book a cheap hotel for the night and travel back in the day?

Finally, the only way you get confident is by doing something. Between now and the event, you should be getting out on the roads and practicing. Use this event as a goal, to drive yourself there and back.

Someone doing 6 hours of driving is far too much for most people.

Invite them to the event?
Share the driving?
Ask for a lift to the train station and do the rest by train?
Do some build up journeys as practice?

@shoppingshamed You've read the post wrongly.

It's not 30 mins. Its 90 minutes each way, 3 hour round trip.

I don't think anyone would quibble over 30 mins but it's 3 times that and a full day event.

Depends. Whilst it's true that they learn by doing, I'm not sure pushing them in some driving situations is helpful to their confidence. I've given lifts but I don't always.

Good idea, it’s foolish to make a new nervous driver do it alone.

Ok yeah maybe it is too much.
I can go next year when I'm more confident driving :)

I'd be embarrassed if my adult child asked me for a lift. I'd tell them to sort themselves out!

Get them up to scratch ASAP by building their confidence

I always told mine that passing the driving test alone did not mean they were ‘good’ drivers, and a good driver was one with the ability to know their limits. I explained this would really mean more ‘informal’ driving lessons after they passed the tests in certain situations until they were confident and capable in those situations. When they voiced this DH or myself would see if they were comfortable driving with us acting as instructor. Mainly this was taken up, and with a few things it was a case of taking them for ‘lessons’ with them working up to it. Passing a short test on a practiced route does not mean people are automatically competent drivers in all situations and I don’t believe they should be abandoned at that point, not safe for themselves or other road users.

If the event is not for a while, can you build up to it. Ie, drive 30 minutes each way , then 45 minutes, then 60 minutes etc. Maybe aim to stop at a cafe or park before doing the reverse journey, to give yourself a break (and toilets stop).

I really don't enjoy driving but I would happily accompany you whilst you drove (or maybe share - I don't mind town driving, it's motorway I hate) or drop / collect you from the nearest station .

This is incredibly harsh! Do you ask your adult children to do things for them?

You’ll never get confidence if you don’t actually do it. If you have this attitude you’ll be asking for the rest of your life.

Do you ask your adult children to do things for them?

What on earth does this mean?!

One of mine can't drive for medical reasons, the other two give us lifts sometimes so it's tit for tat

I meant for you.

Are they just enjoying being able to drink and you can drive them places?

1.5 hours away? 3 hours there and back? Either twice, or waiting around all day?
And I'm assuming you are well over 18 if you are posting on Mumsnet. It's a very big ask to be honest and the sort of thing I would only ask for if I was in a real fix and there was no other alternative. And something I'd only offer if I thought it was a very important thing for my "child" to attend - and I had few demands on my time.

Surely you could at least drive part of the way to a station? Or lift share? Or something?

People who say "yes of course I'd do this for my adult child, no question"...have you actually read that it is 1.5 hours each way? So either 6 hours total driving? Or 3 hours with a lot of hanging about inbetween! Really?? It's not an emergency!

I'd avoid a city centre like the plague. Drive to a station - train it in. Far more civilised.
Time wise you're asking too much.