How do you feel about your adult children asking for lifts?

[ireallycantthinkofaname]

If they aren't confident driving the distance yet and there's no viable public transport options?
Petrol money covered

You need to get to grips with it. Perhaps share the driving and improve confidence with your parent there so not to be totally reliant.

It's usually the other way around and there may be a time that they cannot support to best to use the opportunity to improve

I’d happily drive both of my adult children wherever they were going if I was free to do so .

a city 1.5 hours away? By adult, do you mean 18 or full on 26 with a job and a life adult? Because that’s a huge favour- either 3 hours driving and taking the whole day out to wait for you, or 6 hours driving there and back. I’d expect your first plan to be a train, your second plan friends, and your 3rd plan asking your parents for a huge favour because you’re all very caring and supportive. I don’t to be honest have a whole day to spare without planning and sacrifice of my very limited time, so if you expect that just because there’s something you want to do then that’s pretty entitled. I’m a loving parent but busy and would quite probably suggest that if the train isn’t an option you will have to wait until next year and practice your driving so you can drive then.

If it's a city centre event you can just drive yourself to the nearest train station and get the train.

What would your parent do all day? If you do this then I think you should aim to do all the driving there and back with your parent just there as backup/ advisors. I have driven with my dc all over the country and it does help them to get used to driving in all sorts of places. You could also consider booking yourself a holiday somewhere like that place at some point so you have plenty of time to get there, then practice driving around every day.

Honestly it would depend how old you were and how long you had been driving.

But also I hate driving in the city centre and would normally either get a lift from OH or more likely the bus

I would look at park n ride.
You practise driving from home to outskirts of the city, park up and catch bus/train/tram to city centre.

I drive my dc happily everywhere but I would not cover that distance, no. It’s too far. I would offer to run dc to the station and they can take a train instead. Problem solved.

This ^

If it’s a city with great train links then this is what I would do!

I can't imagine not giving my child a lift somewhere if they needed it, I wouldn't give it a seconds thought.

I live semi rurally and the thought of half an hour being too far is bonkers, that's my normal work commute or time to the nearest big city, it's about 20 minutes to my local Tesco for my weekly shop even

One and a half hours each way is a hell of a commitment. I would give my kids lifts if I could but that’s too far really without a proper plan. Get the train or bus.

You’re never going to get confident if you don’t drive.

Can your mum or a friend accompany you whilst YOU do the driving?

What about on the way back? Is your mum going to have to wait for you?

I’m 30 and drive every day for work and still avoid the local city where I can - train in from local station or park and ride all the way here! Some cities are impossible these days ( Leeds and Manchester, etc)

Tbh it depends if I have plans/how tired I am the same as anyone asking for a lift. Sometimes I take my eldest to the station to save parking fees and sometimes I'll offer or agree to drop off, but sometimes I'm tired from work or want to have a drink. If its an airport run I'll usually agree if I'm free. On the flipside, my adult child helps me out too, picking us up from the pub for example or taking the younger ones to after school activities if my train is delayed...etc so its swings and roundabouts.

My parents are happy to give me lifts. Sometimes they come and get me from the train station after work to save me getting the bus, if I need to home faster. I also give them lifts if they're out drinking etc

I regularly give my kids lifts to work or into town, but no, I would not drive them 1.5 hours to an event. What would I do while they were at the event? There would be not point in going home only to turn around and drive back for them.

I have a life too and this is expecting too much.

Of course I'd give my adult child a lift if I was free. Or sit next to them if they were nervous. This situation combines two Mumsnet wierdnesses-about adult children (they're 18, they're on their own) and giving lifts (it's akin to donating a kidney)

It’s an hour and a half EACH way.

Surely you took your test in a town of some sort? Are there any test centres in the middle of the countryside?

if you’re not a confident driver then ask your parents if they can sit in the car as you practice urban driving? Or maybe get a couple more lessons.

as a working adult to expect a lift of that distance is not reasonable

Could you afford to treat your mum in the city? Look mum I would really appreciate a lift it would be a huge favour to me and I have booked a meal here etc for you to enjoy whilst I'm at x, I know it's a huge inconvenience for you so I wouldn't expect to be there all day, or something of this nature?

Well they won't build the confidence If they don't drive it.

When my DS had to take his car 150 miles away and hadn't been driving long, I went with him as a passenger and got the train home.

I've just read your update. If you feel nervous about driving into the city, I'd look at options for driving to somewhere closer and getting the train the rest of the way. It will be good for your building your confidence.

Also, get someone to come with you and practice some motorway driving in the meantime (or even pay for some motorway lessons)

In that case if I were your mum, I would go with you-you drive there with me for confidence. I’d either drive home or find something to do whilst you are at the event then get you to drive us back again

The only way to build your confidence is to do it. You've passed your test so you've learned the skills. Just plan the route, look on street view so you can see any roundabouts/ junctions and see what lane you need to be in etc. A 3 hour round trip is a lot when you can actually do it yourself.

When you say no viable public transport is there no park and ride/ train/ busses you can get from just out of the city or did you mean no public transport from your house?

If you’ve passed your test then you should be able to drive anywhere. Were your lessons and test all completely rural? Sounds odd.

Take a deep breathe and get on with it, that's the only way to build confidence and that’s what I’d tell my DCs. You don’t want to be 5 years down the line and still pootling around little lanes.

Ask them to accompany you, so you drive but they are therefore reassurance. That way you are moving your skill level on.