To get married with a newborn

[Dustpanandbrush]

Yesterday I found out I’m pregnant (1-2 weeks according to clear blue) estimated due date will be 16th-20th of November and our wedding date is set at 23/12 ahhhh!

there’s part of me that’s thinking the obvious - this is 2nd baby so I’m under no illusion about how hard the early days are, and I know it’s on one hand a crazy idea to go ahead - the practicalities of dress, feeding, sleep deprivation etc.

HOWEVER there’s another part of me that thinks it could be a lovely thing - sure it’ll look different to what we imagined but babies and weddings are both wonderful things and the time of year would be lovely to get everyone we love together to just celebrate everything. I feel quite relaxed about the wedding prep, the venue is all inclusive so I don’t have to handle separate suppliers.

is it completely crazy?! Does anyone have some nice stories of newborns at weddings?!

thanks!

I’d be seeing now if you can move dates, doing it early you might now lose deposits if you just reschedule. What happens if the baby is 2 or 3 days overdue???

What's your financial situation - can you re-book, will there be a penalty?

If you go over by a couple of weeks and have a c section that might be interesting!

How was your first birth and recovery?

How big a wedding is it?

Could you realistically get almost everything wedding related done before you are too pregnant / have a very small newborn? (so I'd be thinking you'd want as much as possible done by 9th November at the very latest assuming you go to 40 weeks?)

Edited to add - newborns are lovely at weddings but they very rarely belong to the bride!!

I had a lovely, easy 2nd delivery (had baby day after EDD, was home 6 hours later, at the shops the next day etc but no fecking way would I want to be getting married with a 4/5/6 week old baby!)

I think the main issue for me would be timings. If you are planning a 4pm wedding, with wedding breakfast about 6pm and a DJ til midnight, you may find you are dealing with the witching hour/cluster feeding baby/it's too blaringly loud for babies ears and you need to spend most of your reception in a quiet room somewhere. If you have flexibility to move to a time that's a bit more likely to be manageable and aren't planning a raging rave til 3am, then I think it's absolutely fine.

I guess other question would be if you/baby aren't well enough, if you go 2 weeks over and have a c-section, will you be able to be on your feet? What if you and baby are ill/in hospital?

Crikey. Congratulations!

If you've had a new baby before and think you can handle it, at least you aren't going in completely blind.
But
Practically speaking, you'd need to have everything organised in advance, everything for the wedding and the baby so at the time you just have to get dressed and turn up.
However, if you or the baby aren't entirely well, and they're are a myriad of reasons why that might be, birth is the most risky thing a healthy woman can do... The wedding may have to be cancelled if you can't attend... What then? Would you lose all your money? Would your guests lose their money?

You won't know until days/hours before if you can go ahead, due to the unpredictable nature of birth.

Personally this is far from ideal, so I'd be putting serious efforts into rearranging for a time when there are fewer unknown curve balls that could put serious spanners in the works!

Or just go ahead, could be charming, but it's a big gamble!

first birth and recovery was picture perfect (I’m not sure I’d get that lucky again).

first baby was a covid baby and I think there’s part of me that’s thinking at that time I would’ve killed to have everyone happy and in one place when they were 3 weeks old.

ahh, there’s probably no right answer!

I'd definitely move the dates 3 births here 1st straight forward in and out, 2nd a week in nicu, 3rd 2 weeks in nicu. Not to mention the pregnancy tiredness and feeling huge, add in stitches or unplanned c section the stress will be immense. At least this way you should be able to move dates without too much financial loss if anything happened closer to the time you could end up losing everything

I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom had a 3 week old baby (born 2 weeks past the due date). As a guest it felt really lovely - like a real celebration of them becoming a family. It was years later that the bride told me in confidence the amount of pressure she'd put on herself. She'd been so careful not to put on weight during the pregnancy and then ate very little once baby was born and began exercising a few days later. I think she still wanted the day to be perfect.

So I'd say it could work but only if you keep it very low pressure. No pressure to fit into like a whalebone corset or be up doing the Macarena - just a lovely low key celebration of your changing family surrounded by the people who want the best for you all.

Honestly I would move it, I can think of a few reason off the top of my head, and I'm sure people will think of hundreds more:
-Unstable emotions and hormones could mean you struggle with the day
-Quite a substantial germ exposure for newborn
-Your older child may struggle with the transition like many children typically do and a wedding could be very overwhelming for them, depending on their age you could be be dealing with tantrums etc.
-Last minute planning (there will ALWAYS be last minute wedding admin for even the most organised person) you probably won't want or be capable of dealing with.
-How will you handle feeding on the day, if breastfeeding are you truly comfortable feeding on demand, potentially during ceremony etc.? If you do bottles who will do them? You? A grandparent?
-You will be very tired, can you plan in a nap or rest?
-If you cancel now or closer to the day will you loose deposits?
-What if baby is overdue, poorly or you are still in hospital?
-Leaky boobs

• Would you be disappointed not to consummate the wedding night?

-Would you be disappointed if you didn't feel able to toast with champagne? -Would you be upset to leave the wedding early? -Would you feel ok having baby passed around friends/family all day?

Could you downsize the wedding to immediate family and very close friends? Could you make the wedding more casual? Could you hire a nanny for the day to support you with the new baby- would you be comfortable with a nanny at all? Are you confident using a baby carrier that could make the day go smoother?

I am two weeks PP here so just dumping my thoughts for you as someone in the thick of it!

Two weeks after my first I was back in my jeans. It took my 9 months after my second.

I just remember disliking my body and its squidginess at that stage - getting myself in a wedding dress would have been my worst nightmare.

It wont be just the dsy itself, it would be having to tear myself out of the newborn phase for more than just a day because you'll have to give it a lot of headspace in the days and weeks beforehand.

I'd most definitely postpone.

Sorry to be a buzzkill but if anything I’d be nipping down to the local registry office to get it done sooner rather than later (unless you’re the higher earner and aren’t planning on taking mat leave). Then I’d postpone the celebration until a bit later on.

I got married with a 9 month old and 3 months pregnant.

I would go for it, but highly suggest a babysitter/nanny to help out. It is well worth it.

Our relatives were meant to help out..but ended up drunk on the bubbly and didnt haha.

I ended up late to my own wedding forgetting my bouquet.

Realised i misread the date format in your op, so what I read as baby would be a week old is actually baby will be a month old (unless you go over by a couple of weeks of course).
Which is a bit less mad. 😁
I think consider the worst case scenario and work out if you and your guests could absorb that, then go from there.

And 9 months is very different to one month as we know. Both in terms of baby care needs and physical recovery.

Are you a super chilled easy going person? Do you have someone who would take over care of the baby for the day so you can enjoy it?

If you have a colicky baby and you haven't slept it might be hell.

We have a really trusted babysitter that has lots of experience outside but also inside our family (she’s looked after our first since she was a few months old)

I’m generally chilled, I’m not at all worried about the actual wedding - I’m not really sure what I’m worried about? Obviously the thought that something would happen that would make it impossible is a real possibility.

if my memory serves me right I found months 3-6 really difficult with my first, in the first 2 months I can’t remember her doing anything other than sleeping 😂 so I guess I’m a little reluctant to postpone to a few months after and postponing for a year just feels too long

Honestly I wouldn’t do this. As you know newborns are such hard work and you could be utterly exhausted! Not to mention if, god forbid, any thing went wrong or baby was poorly you could still be in hospital.

Haha yes, slightly less mad!

I guess worst case scenario is that it gets cancelled last minute, which would be both an emotional and financial blow so it is a pretty big gamble.

might kick myself if the date comes around and I’m completely fine tho 😅

Do you have wedding insurance that would cover health-related cancellations? If so, I'd go ahead knowing at least you'd be able to rearrange if something happened at the time that made you too unwell to go ahead (hopefully nothing serious but overdue, c section etc). If not I'd say you probably need to rearrange. Could you bring it forward?

Well, depending on your appetite for risk and your stamina and humour you could just take a roll of the dice...
I think gambling with guests finances would be the potential show stopper in terms of thinking 'let's risk it for a biscuit'...
If people are shelling out on travel, accommodation, outfits etc... Then it's cancelled 😬😬😬

Suppose you could come out smelling of roses unless there is a poonami and be delighted you took the chance, or...

we don’t yet, do you think we could take it out at this stage or would we be uninsurable?

Can you keep the date for a registry office + 2 witnesses wedding...
Then you can be married and make your family as you want it, you won't be so disappointed in the day and the financial risk is much lower..
Then have the party celebration as your wedding would have been, guests, meal, the works, when you and baby are both ready?

None of this matters !! Except being married when you have two children !!

So many women make the terrible mistake of having kids without marriage because of the way the law is in the UK ..

So... IF you earn less than him .. OR have less assets in the way of property .. DO NOT CHANGE THE WEDDING ..

If however you have a private trust fund then put it off as long as you want .

My friend got married abroad with a 6 week old. Totally doable. It will be lovely!