To think milk means milk

[Bluemonkey2029]

I was having my nails done recently and was offered a coffee - lovely. They asked if I wanted milk and I said yes please. They brought the coffee to me with the milk in a separate jug and luckily I noticed the colour difference and asked what milk it was - was told it was oat milk!

Now that's probably not an issue for most people but I'm coeliac and almost all oat milks aren't safe for me including that one. Had I not noticed or had they put it straight into the coffee I'd have been very unwell. Another coeliac friend has had this happen to her when at a friend's house and was really unwell. AIBU to think if you are planning to give a milk alternative you should let people know? Nut, soy and oat milks all contain allergens (as does cow milk but at least if you have a dairy allergy you'd probably expect to ask for an alternative).

I should add, I live in a city with a comparatively high vegan population

YANBU - 'Milk' means dairy and if it's an alternative it should be specified.
YABU - If you have an allergy you should always check if someone says milk that they mean dairy.

YANBU. To me milk is milk.

When you said coffee with milk, they should have said we only have oat milk is that ok?

unless this was a place known for veganism, then milk is still cows milk in most places

Both things are true. They should specify, but as you know that it actually matters for your health, you should also make sure.

People need to know what they are putting in their mouths!

Yanbu and I am not even celiac I would want normal milk. So many people get on some lifestyle high horse and/or bandwagon and totally disregard actual medical needs.

What did they say when you told them?

Cows milk is the default I think. In any cafe, coffee shop etc you have to specify if you want a different type.

I've never understood how you can milk an oat or and almond. It's watered down paste at best , surely.

I thought that oat and nut juice were no longer allowed to be called milk? Aside from anything else, the ruin tea and coffee.

YANBU
Plant based alternatives are not technically milk so you should be told if that's what you're being given.

Agreed, milk means cows milk to me. I'd expect them to say something like "oh we've only got oat milk, is that okay?" or similar. The milk alternatives are exactly that, an alternative - you'd not expect them to be the default when being offered milk.

DH has oat milk, but will always specify.
I would expect cow milk as a default.

Unless the cafe specified that everything there is not cows milk then yes, they shouldn't give you oat milk. We have a cafe near me that is vegan, so is clear that it will always be oat milk. That's fine as it is clear upfront to anyone wanting "milk".

YANBU
Cows milk as the default has always been my experience and other products are requested
You narrowly avoided becoming seriously ill

YANBU. Cows' milk is by far the most common milk and what is generally understood by the term so if you're using something different you should be specifying.

Yes, there's an argument that if you have an allergy you should also check, which is probably true as well. DH has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts so always does double check in case someone is using almond milk without mentioning it. But I do think anyone using almond milk and just calling it milk is being annoying.

I’m another one who can’t have the oat alternative and yes they should have specified.

YANBU I'm coeliac and this happened to me on holiday in Austria where I think alternatives are much more common and in some places the default.

Yes, this. They should specify, but as you have allergies you should probably check as well.

YANBU. I have both dairy and gluten allergies. I am always glad when I have alternative milk options available but I would always assume that if I was offered an unspecified "milk" it would be cows.
So many cafes assume that oat milk is a suitable "allergy" alternative when it's often not. It's very frustrating!!

Given they're a nail salon, not a cafe, I think the onus is on you to check. What people use all the time becomes their 'norm' do it may not occur to them to mention it.

I'm vegetarian & learnt many years ago not to make assumptions.

I think it's really odd that they didn't specify that they only had oat milk. I say that as someone that only drinks alternative milks. So strange!

YABU, I’m afraid. As you’re coeliac you should have specified what you’re allergic to.

Of course they should have said. As others have mentioned, allergens aside, it's not even milk. I don't mind it in coffee if I'm visiting my friend who is vegan (but if I fancy tea I nip out for a pint of milk!) But then luckily I don't have any allergies.

I use lactose free but would assume milk means dairy bog standard

Yanbu. Milk is milk.

My ex MIL (vegan) would take great pleasure in giving people oat, soya or other alternatives without telling them to see if they noticed the difference or hoping they would prefer it so she could have a “gotcha” moment. I flipped my lid when she did it to me as my brother has a nut allergy and I didn’t want that kind of nonsense going on around my family. I wonder if it was something similar here? Surely everyone is allergy aware enough now not to serve up something unexpected to someone?

I am really surprised, milk should definitely mean cows milk and should mention if not.

The number of times I have asked for coke and been asked is pepsi ok? (which is never a problem other than slight difference in taste) I am shocked people don't mention if not regular milk.