To think milk means milk

[Bluemonkey2029]

I was having my nails done recently and was offered a coffee - lovely. They asked if I wanted milk and I said yes please. They brought the coffee to me with the milk in a separate jug and luckily I noticed the colour difference and asked what milk it was - was told it was oat milk!

Now that's probably not an issue for most people but I'm coeliac and almost all oat milks aren't safe for me including that one. Had I not noticed or had they put it straight into the coffee I'd have been very unwell. Another coeliac friend has had this happen to her when at a friend's house and was really unwell. AIBU to think if you are planning to give a milk alternative you should let people know? Nut, soy and oat milks all contain allergens (as does cow milk but at least if you have a dairy allergy you'd probably expect to ask for an alternative).

I should add, I live in a city with a comparatively high vegan population

YANBU - 'Milk' means dairy and if it's an alternative it should be specified.
YABU - If you have an allergy you should always check if someone says milk that they mean dairy.

Hell, I’ve just had a builder in and automatically gave him soya milk without checking. We also have oat, so it could have gone either way. I completely forgot that some people have allergies to those.

I would have expected him to ask, but I also should have mentioned it. Thanks for highlighting this, it’s definitely worth being aware of.

Yea, milk is milk. Oat 'milk' needs specified when offering. It's like ordering toast with butter and getting bread with nut butter.

it's your responsibility to check

I think "milk" to most people still means cows' milk but as alternatives become more common dairy is becoming less ubiquitous. I haven't voted as I think both statements are true. Having a son with multiple food allergies I gave up assuming anything a long time ago and we always ask about specifics if we are eating or drinking outside home. I think most people would say if they were offering something other than cows' milk but the onus is still on person with the dietary needs to protect themselves by checking. I have brought DS up to check before he consumes anything and not to make assumptions or relying on other people to understand his needs.

When you avoid dairy you get used to asking for non dairy.

As other milks are becoming more popular so I think its wise to specify dairy milk.

I know as you've grown up with cows milk that it might feel unfair to make the extra effort but we are where we are and you need to look after yourself, not focus on the rights and wrongs of language. Better to learn from it and stipulate cows milk to prevent any risk.

YANBU. I'm glad you noticed in time, and I hope they got an earful.

Milk is milk. If you offer someone milk then they are reasonable to assume it is milk being being provided. If you only have oat milk, offer oat milk and not milk.

As a fellow coeliac I would always ask. It’s your allergy and it’s your responsibility to keep yourself safe.

YANBU. Milk comes out of an animal.

Yes, I agree 100%.

We use non dairy in our house and do use the word milk for it, so I can see it happening.
I think in a restaurant I would expect everything to be labeled, in a nail salon not so much.

Milk is dairy, anything plant based is not milk end of.

The assumption is that milk is cow's milk by default. Any other milk, or white liquid parading as a milk should be clearly spelt out.

I can't believe their are numpties doling out almond and oat milk with no regard for those who have nut allergies and who have coeliac disease. Muppets.

I agree, milk doesn't mean automatically mean cow.

I'm doing keto and I treat everything with suspicion 😂

I don’t eat dairy but I would assume ‘milk’ meant dairy milk. A few of my favourite coffee shops now use oat as default but it’s well signposted.

I think it’s up to the person consuming the product to check in this situation, especially with the rise in number of people using alternatives to dairy.

If oat is the ‘norm’ to them, they may just not think about it. We use oat milk (vegan) and although I do always mention it to visitors, I think that’s because one of my kids has an allergy so I’m very aware of potential issues. Not everyone is like that though so we’d never, ever, presume anything ourselves, it’s too risky. It’s on us (and you) to check imo.

The dictionary definition of the word milk is : an opaque white fluid rich in fat and protein, secreted by female mammals for the nourishment of their young. I consider anything that is plant based to be milk substitute not milk. If you are offering a vegan alternative to real milk then I think this should be made clear.

Interesting mix of responses thank you. They didn't really react when I pointed it out, I don't think they really 'got it' just took the jug of milk away and I drank it black. But I was quite polite about it all. I suppose it is a bit on me to be clearer, I just don't really think about it with hot drinks but I need to. I get enough eye rolls asking people if their squash is gluten free (barley squash obviously isn't) but of course health trumps people thinking I'm awkward. I'm glad this thread has highlighted it to a few people that wouldn't have thought about it though.

I have heard about people deliberately pretending a milk alternative is dairy to have the 'gotcha' moment of "see you couldn't tell" and that scares me but that obviously wasn't the case here. The odd bit is the salon sent over a questionnaire in advance asking a few things including about allergies and I wrote coeliac on there!

I've had the opposite at my hair salon - asked for black coffee because I don't drink milk, got served a white coffee.

I put it down to the fact that they're a hair salon not a cafe, and catering isn't their forte. Didn't give it another thought.

We have both in the house- nothing wrong with that. But a choice should always be clearly given, and the default for all visitors and trades people, is cows milk.

Possibly some people think oats are ok for coeliac as well - I believe it’s not oats themselves that are a problem, but the chance of cross contamination with other grains?

YANBU. It's all very well saying coeliacs always have to check everything but milk, hot water and a teabag is testing the limit.

I hope your experience today remains rare. Loads of people don't like milk alternatives and it would be highly unusual IMO to have them as a default unless you are specifically in a vegan establishment. Maybe with it being complimentary they don't feel the need to offer choice.

YANBU. Dairy disagrees with me (though I can tolerate a splash in my tea), but I think it's ridiculous to give oat milk as a default without telling the customer. Most people would expect cow's milk. I think oat milk is horrible in tea anyway.

YANBU, and I say this as someone with allergies who only drinks oat or soya milk.
Usually cows milk is the default when you're out places, and have to specify if you want an alternative.
People should know what they're getting.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable !
I would assume cows milk also.
But my daughter is coeliac and I check EVERYTHING that goes in her mouth, just in case.