To think it doesn't hurt to be helpful (shop staff)

[PopandFizz]

I was moaning about this to DH and he thought it was unreasonable to be slightly miffed at.

Going to make that clear, I'm not complaining or hurling abuse at a staff member, there will be no raising of the issue with anyone. I just thought it doesn't hurt to be kind/helpfulespecially when you're in a customer service style situation.

I was at the morrisons till with 4 year old DS. They are disabled and I would say they are 'obviously' disabled. They are blind and have very thick glasses, during the exchange I did at one point say 'they cant see the perspex cos they are blind' because i had to reach over and put my hand over the edge of one of this perspex advertisement things that was sticking out so he didn't run into it. They are also severely delayed and autistic, at this age this is also obvious.

So I said to the woman at the till, 'this is our first time not in the buggy or a trolley at the supermarket so we are a bit excited'
I'd just bought 5 items, I was holding my kids hand who is trying to escape. I asked for a paper bag.
Kid slips my hand, I have to grab him and bring him back. I start trying to pack, meltdown ensues and they are literally pulling so hard to lean I have to use both hands to stand them up properly before they dislocate something.
'Sorry, can i pay on card' continue to try and get a pair of kids jeans in the bag with screaming, thrashing child, who escapes my hand again just after I tap the card, have to go grab him again. Clearly his patience time is up for the trip. Trying to pack one handed to hold the kids hand with great difficulty.
There is now a queue behind me on till.

So the assistant didn't at any point offer to help me pack the bag which I was clearly struggling with at all, or say anything whilst I'm combating meltdown and packing the bag. Cos it was a paper bag it kept closing so it was hard to open and pack.

I just think it wouldn't have hurt her to help pack the bag but DH says it's not their job.
YABU - DH is right, it's not their job and I shouldn't expect a hand.
YANBU - the shop assistant could have helped out and seems harsh that they didn't.

Do you mean to say you never actually asked for help in packing and feel annoyed that the assistant didn't say anything?

I guess she probably could have but perhaps it might have been easier if you'd articulated your need for assistance.

With the customers' behaviour going downhill over the past few years, I think a lot of customer facing staff think twice before they engage without first being asked for assistance.

Sorry you had a bad time, but the shop assistant isn't to blame. If you had asked for help, they probably would have, but they were right not to jump into the middle of a situation without knowing if it would help or trigger more issues. They didn't know if DC would be upset about a stranger touching 'their' new jeans or if you might have taken it as an implication that you weren't managing well enough, or that they were trying to get you out and be offended.

I would say that any polite and helpful person seeing you struggling like this should have asked if they could help with packing.
I am disabled and rarely get into an actual shop but when I do the staff at my nearest supermarket (waitrose) always ask if I want some help.
I wouldn’t like somebody just wading in without asking but offering help is just basic manners and kindness.

It’s such a fine line nowadays people can be offended by an offer of help

Ever since we’ve had to pay for bags there’s the expectation that the cashier doesn’t help pack bags. It’s frustrating when they are then huffing and puffing when you take a bit longer than they’d like.

she could have been a nice human being and packed them for you or at least asked.

Completely get where you're coming from OP.

It's not that it's their job or they have to, but it would have taken her a minute and saved you so much stress. Surely its the kind/right thing to do.

Yes, this ^

It would be one thing if you’d asked for help and she’d declined. But some people get offended by offers of help because they feel that it is implied that they are not coping, which could potentially be amplified when it applies to a situation where a child has specific needs. I would just ask for help to be honest, the fact it wasn’t forthcoming doesn’t mean that the staff member isn’t helpful, just that in that situation she didn't proactively offer assistance.

I can't believe the responses of it's not the cashier's job or why didn't you ask! How hard would it have been for the cashier to ask you if you'd like a hand? You could have said No.

Of course she should have offered! Totally get that they may not want to offend / suggest you aren't coping but two adults can have that exchange!

Also love the sound of your DS enjoying the supermarket! Sorry about the mayhem children are mad aren't they

I've been in Tesco before with two screaming children at the till, struggling to pack.

Everyone was so kind. The cashier was kind, even trying to distract crying kids and helping pack- then another store worker came over and helped me pack everything into my trolley.

All the people queuing were also really nice and kind and trying to be helpful.

The cashier didn't do the human thing. It's nothing to do with her job. She should have asked if you needed a hand.

The cashier did her job, your shopping is your responsibility.

Yes, she should have offered help. It’s her job to assist the customer. That’s the point of a service type job. She was lazy and being shit at her job. Can’t believe some of these responses. The world is truly going to shit with all the me, me, me attitudes.

Surly it's just human nature to offer to help someone struggling with a small child and a shopping bag.

I don’t think she should have proactively done it (as in some cases this may lead to bigger issues), but she should have asked you if you wanted her to do it and done it if you said yes.

Obviously she should have offered to help pack the shopping. I would always have done this when I worked on checkouts.

I think the automatic decent human thing to do is say "would you like me to pack for you? / shall I pack? / let me pack that for you etc.

Additional needs aside, a Mom wrestling with a young kid would warrant an offer of help.

What a mean spirited attitude

I think she should have offered to help.

How old was she?

I worked in Tesco when I was a teen. I had no experience with kids and probably would have had no idea how to act in a situation like that, with a kid having a meltdown like that.

Now that I have my own kids, it would come very naturally to just ask if you needed a hand, or to just automatically put the stuff in the bag for you.

In almost every supermarket I've used recently the cashier will say Are you OK for packing?, the exceptions are Lidl and Aldi.

I work in a shop. With a normal till not the conveyor belt kind and it is part of our job to offer to pack for everyone. I prefer to do it as it gets folk out quicker and I like to be helpful. Maybe it's an age thing (I'm old) and I find that the younger ones don't offer and it's really rude.
Just because a lot of customers are wankers doesn't mean the staff have to join in. Anyway op yanbu.

With everyone being outraged over everything these days, you can't blame the cashier. No doubt this post could have turned into my child's first time out of a trolley and the cashier thought I couldn't cope as she offered to pack my bags, made me feel like a failure.

Sounds like a really tough check out experience but I don't feel they were necessarily in the wrong.

I often check out with a screaming baby (something about the shops seems to set her off!) and an adventurous toddler who likes to try and jump on the trolley/conveyor belt/bench nearby and about 20% of the time I get asked if I want help with the packing.
When they ask, I'm grateful, though decline as I can manage.
When they don't ask, this fits more with my expectations.

I think some parents might react badly to being asked and feel they were being "singled out" or that the shop assistant was implying they weren't in control of their children or were taking too long.

I feel like the shop assistant could be criticised whatever they do TBH, so wouldn't get annoyed either way.

Bloody Morrisons.
I've been invited to have a chat with my local Morrisons manager due to a checkout woman being verbally abusive to me ( I'm disabled) .. this is the fourth incident myself or family have had with obnoxious staff in Morrisons in the last six months..
We hardly go in.. just that disabled Grandson ( ASD) prefers certain things from Morrisons.
The staff need training better in customer services.
( I'm sticking with Sainsbury and M&S who are the most kind and caring people).

People saying the OP should have asked for help is not on.
Sainsburys and other supermarkets automatically ask if you would like help packing.
I am disabled had my walking stick.. the checkout woman told ME to do something for her..while she was serving another customer that l was behind. not ask.. told me l said sorry I'm not able to..
Came to my turn.. l asked if she could please be patient because I'm a slow packer because of my disability.. she said " why should l help you when you did do what l asked". I said because l couldn't and you didn't ask you told me.
She then refused to serve me and said " ill remember you next time" and got up from her till and walked off.

Did NOT do