Not even a text from DD

[AccaDooo]

I have 2 DC, both early 20s. DD is in South America for her year abroad at uni. DS lives 30 min away.
For Mother's Day DD hasn't even messaged. I left it for Sunday and yesterday, incase she was busy or time zones. But she has messaged in the family group chat since.
She has been travelling over Father's Day for the last few years and never once forgot to send a gift and give DH a call.
I'm pretty certain she knows it was Mother's Day as her brother posted on Facebook, and her cousins did too, for their grandma and they all tagged her in the posts.
While she's been away we've been texting most days (not directly but in the family group chat) and she FaceTimes once a fortnight, which will be this Thursday.

AIBU to be upset? Should I mention it when we next talk?

Just to give her complete benefit of the doubt, we celebrate Mother’s Day on a different date from most other counties. So while she will have seen reminders for Father’s Day on her travels, she probably hasn’t seen anything for British Mother’s Day. Maybe she will send something lovely in May!

(Although if she was on Facebook she should have texted to explain!)

If your daughter is a good daughter (remembers birthdays/christmas, isn't nasty or vile or steals etc) 364 days a year, then I wouldn't bother being upset or messaging. It's one day out of 364. Bringing it up isn't going to do any good.

But then I think Mothers Day is a commercial gimmick IMO and many children use it as an opportunity to ignore/be nasty/take for granted their mothers the rest of the year because they were 'nice' on Mothers Day.

Long as she bothers the remaining 364 days of the year I'd drop it.
Mother's Day is just a gimmick.

This makes me glad that I've never celebrated it.

Situations like yours where your daughter has whatever reason has forgotten or doesn't want to celebrate the day means you are automatically upset despite the fact she loves you and does appreciative you all throughout the year.

It's just one day and a commercialised day at that.

I forgot one year when I was a similar age and travelling abroad. I must have been on social media plenty too but it obviously didn't register. It was a selfish age.

I only realised when I over heard my parents talking about how 'cut up' my mum was that I'd forgotten once I was back. They never mentioned it to me and I cringe everytime I think about it.

I'm in my thirties and make plenty of effort now!

I am pretty sure in South America (Central and some parts of North America) Mother's day is different day than in the UK (in May), while Father's day is in June too (possibly same day) , it doesn't help that Mother's day changes all the time in the UK. We probably just know because it's heavily advertised.

Leave the poor girl alone

If she is on Facebook then she was fully aware that it was Mother's Day in the UK.

People are always so quick to explain and dismiss selfish behaviour in teens / young adults, I don't think this does them any favours at all. Children should be made aware from the beginning that mum and dad are people too and also deserve to be appreciated and celebrated.

I would mention it to her next time you speak - just a "it would have been nice to hear from you on Mother's Day". Surely she is not so delicate that this is going to traumatise her. Let her know that it would mean something to you to hear from her on such occasions.

It's a bit sad that you're so upset that your DD forgot Mothers Day when she's halfway across the world

It's pathetic

My parents live in the U.K., I live in a different country where Mother’s Day is celebrated on a different day and am currently travelling in a country where it’s another different date. I was on social media a lot of the day and apparently just glanced over the Mother’s Day posts. It wasn’t until DB texted me to remind me at about 5pm U.K. time that I realised. I rang my mum then, wished her a Happy Mothers Days (and sent DB out for flowers 🤦🏻‍♀️) but without that I wouldn’t have clocked it. (Father’s Day IS celebrated the same date in the country I live in and here so yes, probably wouldn’t have forgotten that)

It doesn’t for a second mean I don’t care, I just forgot without it bombarded in my face in the weeks leading up to it. Provided she’s generally not thoughtless, give her the benefit of the doubt

It's a different day in most of the rest of the world afaik. I saw nothing about it on FB.

I think Father's Day is the same day everywhere whereas Mothers Day isn't. But it really isn't important.

It's not pathetic at all. No need to be nasty.

I’m a mother and I can’t even be arsed with Mother’s Day. Outside of mumsnet I don’t know anyone who cares to the point that they let it bring conflict into their family. I think I remember reading it was made up by some guy who worked for a card company to sell more cards. Whoever it was probably got a promotion. It’s up to you whether you want to be proud of your daughter for traveling and celebrate her adventures, or pick fights about a made up day.

My son is in Australia, he has forgotten. He's travelling around. Think his girlfriend could have forgotten too (her mum)although she liked my post on Instagram about my late mum. I know he cares about me. I'm not planning on saying anything. It's one day.

We're sold (emphasis on the word "sold" because it is all about money) the idea that if your mum is a good mother and you care about her, you show her how much you appreciate her on MD. So if your child forgets, they must not appreciate you or care enough, right?

You haven't said in your OP what the general state of your relationship is like but the fact that you are in frequent contact via WhatsApp suggests that you have a decent relationship. If your daughter generally did not appreciate you or care about you as her mum, I think you would already know that from her behaviour over the last 20 odd years. A message on mother's day really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

I hope I don't sound dismissive or condescending because I know it's an important day to many people, but I would work on your own expectations rather than say anything to your daughter.

My brother in NZ send flowers to my mum on NZ Mother's Day which is completely different.

If you don't see the build up and notice adverts etc and so on in the supermarkets it's easy to miss, and if she is travelling and just quickly signed into Facebook and liked a few posts she might have just thought family stuff and not really twigged.

I'm sorry, I know it's upsetting. It is easily done though.

Whether she saw it or not on Facebook depends on how often she actually goes on Facebook, surely? I have it on my phone, but I think the last time I actually opened it was about two weeks ago.

And as above, Mother’s Day in the Americas is in May, so she’s not going to be surrounded by reminders.

I was so busy on Sunday running my kids around and redecorating the kitchen. I completely forgot to message my own mum. My kids were both working and gave me cards etc in the evening and that’s when I remembered. I’d put it down to her just not knowing.

America has a different mother's day so I can understand how she could get confused. No one will be talking about it there, there'll be nothing in the shops, no adverts. It probably hasn't even registered.

If your relationship with her is good, I’d send a message saying, btw, you forgot British mother’s Mother’s Day!! With a laughing emoji!! Then say she owes you an extra hug when she gets back.

My late mum was a feminist before the term really existed and she banned Mother’s Day said we can randomly buy flowers if we want to say thank you for anything. I have followed in her footsteps and it relieves my lovely adult children of the whole commercial pressure. They remember my birthday as i remember theirs. Really I do think everyone can choose whether to mark this (manufactured) day.

I think it would be a bit sad to chastise her over facetime when you only speak to her once a month at the moment. Why would you want to use that precious contact time in such a negative way?

@Wishimaywishimight I have Facebook but didn't see anything on there this year about Mother's Day. I also don't always see posts I'm tagged in as it's very easy to scroll past especially if not using the site multiple times a day. So I think it's a massive leap for you to suggest that because the daughter has fb then she'll have known it was Mother's Day.