Not even a text from DD

[AccaDooo]

I have 2 DC, both early 20s. DD is in South America for her year abroad at uni. DS lives 30 min away.
For Mother's Day DD hasn't even messaged. I left it for Sunday and yesterday, incase she was busy or time zones. But she has messaged in the family group chat since.
She has been travelling over Father's Day for the last few years and never once forgot to send a gift and give DH a call.
I'm pretty certain she knows it was Mother's Day as her brother posted on Facebook, and her cousins did too, for their grandma and they all tagged her in the posts.
While she's been away we've been texting most days (not directly but in the family group chat) and she FaceTimes once a fortnight, which will be this Thursday.

AIBU to be upset? Should I mention it when we next talk?

A card and gift for dad on Father's Day every year posted from abroad but not even a text for Mother's Day for you?

Nah, fuck that.

I think you should forget the brat on her birthday and Christmas.

And yet she remembers to post a gift for Father's Day every year...

Ohhh jeeee I wouldn't call her a brat!! That's awfully mean!!
Maybe a little careless and unintentionally hurtful but I doubt she's forgotten intentionally.
I feel bad about being sad about it which is why I asked!

She's in South America! Don't take it personally. Did she really send her dad a gift for Fathers day from South America that arrived on time??? I'd be immensely surprised. Mothers Day is just one silly day for 5 year olds IMO. Just make a joke of it, tell her you need her to send you lots of hug emojis as it was mother's day on Sunday and you didn't get to see her or something light hearted like that.

She totally forgot or doesn’t like you very much I guess.

She wasn't in South America for Father's Day. She's been in Germany, USA etc. around June the last couple of years. But did send a gift (on Amazon prime or similar and moonpig card).

Not pathetic at all.

I would be upset too. Maybe get husband to give her a gentle reminder?

I don't recall getting anything from either of my DDs when they were on their student years abroad. Incidentally, one of them did also spend 6 months of hers in South America.I didn't expect anything and wasn't bothered.

They had originally felt quite fragile on going for their years abroad although they soon settled into it. I certainly wouldn't have said anything as I wouldn't have wanted to make them feel bad when we were so far apart.

To be honest, I do think Mothers' Day is a commercial gimmick and don't really bother with it. I gave my own mother a card and I was staying for a few days as I do once a month anyway.

I've had a card and some chocs from one DD, a WhatsApp message from another and nothing from the third. I'm fine with that and really don't care much. I'm not upset and won't bother saying anything. Left to me, only birthdays and Christmas would be celebrated at all (I am not the biggest fan of Christmas either but enjoy it on the day).

I wouldn't read too much into it. As others have said, it can be celebrated on different days in different countries anyway.

Because she’s quite possibly in counties where it’s on the same date/very close to the same date as it is in the UK, hence she would be surrounded by reminders of it. Mother’s Day where she is will be in May.

I expect a reasonable relationship with my children all year round.

I do not give a toot about supposedly 'extra special days' that seem only to boost the flower and card industries.

I am actually slightly irritated by the easy solution of buying something on one day to supposedly demonstrate the worth of a relationship.

If you’re not surrounded by Mother’s Day adverts in the shops etc, it’s easy to miss.

The Americas celebrate Mother’s Day in May, that’s when she’d see all the adverts and reminders. It’s completely understandable it passed her by.

She’s on her year abroad, cut the lass some slack.

A lot of countries celebrate Mother's Day on a different day to the UK, including North America, so it's perfectly possible she didn't know it was UK Mother's Day if countries in South America celebrate it on the same day as North America. Father's Day is the same on both sides of the pond.

I know you said it was mentioned on Facebook, but Facebook really isn't a reliable way of picking up news. Notifications are unreliable and I don't know any younger people who even check Facebook daily. If she's in regular contact with you via text etc and there's no indication that she's annoyed with you, then I very much doubt that she has deliberately ignored Mother's Day.

She's on another continent. She's busy. She's having the time of her life. This is SO not a big deal.
Please don't mention it, OP, as you will only embarrass yourself.

When my db was in Australia he’d send mum Mother’s Day cards on Australian rather than UK dates

If she’s seen other people wishing HMD on Facebook as Op says, then she should have messaged her mum.

Facebook isn't a thing anymore for many of the younger generation, I find. My three DDs are all in their twenties now and rarely use it these days. They just look occasionally to keep up with the odd member of the wider family, but otherwise they are to be found elsewhere.

When they are not at home we communicate via WhatsApp or occasionally by text.

Also, my DD found when she visited South America (she was not in a main city there) that a lot of places and families did not have WiFi. They couldn't afford it so connection was patchy at best. She was fortunate in that the family she stayed with did have it, but sometimes the power would go off because the bill hadn't been paid, so still patchy.

If she’s usually ok I’d put it down to not being on radar as English Mothering Sunday is different date to Mother’s Day in rest of world. I know she was tagged in facebook but does she even go on that, most young people don’t use facebook.
If you chat by messaging I’d just say what you did for Mother’s Day.

Yanbu, and don't feel bad about feeling sad about it.

Being abroad does make it slightly better, however the being tagged on facebook about it being mother's day and having sent stuff in previous years makes it perfectly understandable to feel sad.

Personally I wouldn't say anything direct to her as if she isn't usually hurtful or does things like this, there isn't really much point causing any unnecessary tension. Maybe she'll realise and say or do something yet when she realises.

That’s a big ‘if’. Facebook isn’t a particularly popular app for her demographic, and while she may have one that doesn’t mean she’s been on it/seen Mother’s Day mentioned in her feed. I can go weeks or even months without opening it, ime I’m not unusual in that.

Tbh I am concerned that people would get so worked up and upset by this. Are your relationships with your adult children that insecure? This should not be an issue at all. She forgot mothers day so what she sounds like a good loving daughter be happy with that. When travelling abroad my concern would be that they were safe and happy I wouldn't get worked up about her being a bit self absorbed at that age. She loves you do you need a text/ card to know that?

I’m raising my own kids not to follow gimmicky days, but do spontaneously good things for each other after the guilt of occasionally forgetting Mother’s Day. It’s easily done if you are abroad, not following a calendar etc. I’d have rung the day before, had a nice chat, arranged a night out… but I was bad because I hadn’t remembered the formulation

What really annoys me is my mum has never acknowledged that I’m also a mum, of five! I spend my own Mother’s Day focusing on her, rather than it being shared. It put me off the day even more, that I’d be arranging stuff and the focus remainded on her (she never to my knowledge did things for my Nan in my childhood)

Put it behind you OP . Travelling in South America is a completely different thing to USA and Europe . She may well have not known until it was too late to do anything about it .

Hopefully she will say something when you speak

Bit harsh, it's not pathetic or sad. I think it's more to do with that DD never forgets fathers day but mothers day has been forgotten. Just because people are parents doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have emotions

I can understand why you are a bit upset OP but, no, I wouldn't mention it.

Either: you have a great relationship and she appreciates you enough throughout the year, in that case, why would it bother you apart from out of principle (which is a silly reason to be annoyed).

or: your relationship isn’t great and she feels like she doesn’t owe you anything. In that case, you have bigger things to
focus on.

Admittedly I didn’t send my mum a card or whatever. But I phone her twice a week, listen to her problems, facilitate a wonderful relationship with my kids, just for her to change the subject every time I open my mouth and not give a flying fuck when I talk about anything apart from her issues. What she did for you on Mother’s Day has no relevance to your day to day relationship.

Mother’s Day imo is a day for young kids to not be all demanding and self centred for a day and make their mum some soggy cereal or burnt pancakes. As we go into adulthood, these relationships become more mutually
beneficial and we shouldn’t really be demanding cards and flowers from someone just because you birthed them.