Would you find it weird if someone married did this

[Happyjess]

I’m a single parent. DC in reception and I am friends with a school dad since September. He said we should swap numbers. I said sounds good. He wanted to take mine down.

I spoke to my friend about it and she said that’s really weird and I shouldn’t do that with someone married. Who is being unreasonable ??

@x88mph My DH was also a SAHD and I totally agree that it is perfectly reasonable for mums and dads to interact and be friendly on the school run. And there are certainly lots of arrangements in our area between mums and dads from different families. The weird bit about this is the fact that the dad hasn't suggested meeting up with the DC, he's winking and flirting, and making inappropriate comments about OP's age. That's the issue here.

On the surface, absolutely fine. One of dc's friends gave her number to dh when the girls first became friends as he was the one who happened to be there at school pick up the day they were discussing a play date.

I have the number of one of my dc's dads in my phone and arrange things often with him - for our dc, I mean, obviously, we aren't like going out to dinner. All of us are married/in long term relationships.

If anything, it's a good sign he's a great involved dad. Most of the dads of my dc's friends make themselves scarce and I wouldn't recognise them if I ran right into them. Unless he's a creeper, it's fine. If he's being a creeper, then yes, it's inappropriate.

@Zone2NorthLondon

he didn't call her baby, he called her A baby. Entirely different.

What are you 15 yrs old?

Why can men & women swap numbers?

I certainly wouldn't be married to someone who I didn't trust to have the phone number of another woman.

Honestly. Some of you are seriously nuts 🤷🏻‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣

Are you married?

@4610J yes. And am not remotely bothered by my DH having the numbers of women on his phone.

I don't mind if he has a drink with his female friends either. Because I trust him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose every marriage is different. I don't think it nessessary means people don't trust their partners if they don't have best friends of the opposite sex.

My DH wouldn't be interested in hanging out with other women apart from the one he sometimes plays golf with.

@4610J I'm not saying they don't trust their DH if they don't have friends of the opposite sex.

I'm saying it's a bit sad if you're married to someone and you don't trust them to have friends of the opposite sex if they want to.

Not really sure why that's controversial.

@MermaidGin not controversial.

A lot of women's DHs don't want to hang out with women friends. Posters like you are saying couples that have a different life to you are sad and insecure nutters.

In 20 years my DH has never had a close woman friend who he goes on nights out with because he doesn't want to. His close friends are men.

I spoke to my friend about it and she said that’s really weird and I shouldn’t do that with someone married.

Your friend is being ridiculous. His intentions aren’t your responsibility, and you are not accountable for someone else’s behaviour. You took the number of someone who offered it to you for ostensibly innocent reasons.

Would you feel the same if it was a married mum?

Yes I clarified above re context (see earlier posts) - it's totally out of character for either of us to do this. We both have the numbers of all the parents in our childrens' classes - so if either of us gave our number to a random parent at school then the other would likely question it. As PPs have said, my DH isn't interested in socialising with the school mums so to suddenly do that would just be odd.

I’d be a bit freaked out if my husband was asking for school mom’s numbers.

I and of itself it sounds ok. But I think the wider context is so important here. Hard to say if it’s weird or not without knowing what your conversations are like. Does he speak to a lot of parents or just you.

When I read your first post I thought it sounded innocent enough ( I often message school dads to arrange kids social stuff / lifts between us to sports events etc )
your update makes it sound more suspicious, he wants to exchange numbers but not so the kids can meet up, just to chat with you ?
and you’ve not known him for very long.
sounds dodgy.

No one is saying your husband is odd for not having female friends.

The point is it should surely be fine if he did have. As long as you trust him.

That's all.

It depends what you mean by a female friend. He plays golf with a woman and has some of our mutual friends numbers and obviously work friends.

If he suddenly befriended a woman I didn't know and wanted to spend time with her outside of our marriage then I wouldn't like it. He wouldn't the other way round. We are in 50's and you might think we are old fashioned but we are happy.

Most of my colleagues are male. I have their numbers. We may have a drink on a Friday after work but apart from that we just have mutual couple friends.

@MermaidGin what are you doing with your male friends? Cinema, meals, activities? We have all on fitting these things with other. Not judging your marriage but do you work full time, have a family etc?

Otherwise known as the fanny gallops.

This made me laugh.

He never showed any cheating or serial killer vibes until he became a SAHD.

@MermaidGin share what activities your DH does with his female friends that don't include you. I am intrigued.

I’m a single parent and when mine were in primary it was mostly the mum’s who swapped numbers however I did have a couple of dad’s numbers as I was friends with both parents of said children and depending on who was working what days then I’d need to consult with either of them if wanting kids to meet up.

In also had to share my ex’s number with some of the mum’s who wanted to organise play dates with my kids on his days. He often had their friends round for tea and play dates - probably more than me to be honest, as his job was more flexible than mine at that point and he had week days off work when I didn’t.

What are you thinking now, @Happyjess?

It's good to see more dads getting involved at the school gate. When my H was a stay at home Dad, it was unheard of and he got all kinds of nastiness from the mums.

Obviously keep an eye open for anything dodgy, same as you would with any married guy. But there's no need to assume ill intent at this stage.