Would you find it weird if someone married did this

[Happyjess]

I’m a single parent. DC in reception and I am friends with a school dad since September. He said we should swap numbers. I said sounds good. He wanted to take mine down.

I spoke to my friend about it and she said that’s really weird and I shouldn’t do that with someone married. Who is being unreasonable ??

As long as the messages are about the kids and school then no it's not weird. I'd be more concerned that he wanted your number so he can ask you for babysitting and school run favours.

Is this school dad the main parent/carer? There has been a couple of Dads over the years where this is the case and mum worked full time, one mum worked away on business trips often so dad did pick ups drop offs and play dates. And mum knew we had dads number we also had mums.

The wink, the keeness to know your age and commenting that you're a baby, the fact there's been no discussion of your kids having a playdate. All reasons to be wary. It's not the same scenario as all the pps describing 'liaising with school dads about lifts to football' etc.

Based on your extra posts op I'd keep him at arms length.
It's really easy to enjoy a bit of positive attention harmlessly but for that to become wanting the little positive interaction and on from there... and it doesn't sound like his conversation is centered on the kids and going from there in the way that I'd expect.
You don't know his character but he knows enough about you to have his ears pricked up if he's the sort to look around for some fun.

Yeah, all of this. I’d be wary. The wink was testing the waters to see if you pulled back. If you give him your number now, be prepared to shut down anything even remotely flirty.

I say this as someone who has several male friends, all married, no hanky panky going on.

@napody agree, and I said it's normal and not weird earlier for that reason. I've got several dad's numbers but communication is used for the kids. I also have several platonic male friends so I'm not one of those people who think all male contact is a problem.

You’ll get the vibe if he wants to take it to the next level.

I have a few school Dads’ numbers on my phone but that’s because our sons meet up and we need to coordinate transport. We’ve met socially and I’m now friends with their wives so I now message the mums more.

On the other hand, DS did a week long sailing course a few years ago and a Dad was a bit too friendly which was unreciprocated thanks and this guy made me feel very uncomfortable.

if you message the school guy then keep everything on the level so that you’d be happy to show all the messages to this guy’s wife. But if your sons aren’t friends then why would he want your number?

Mumsnet is odd. You get threads and threads about how awful men are then you have another thread saying this is fine. An older married man wanting a single Mum's number.

Personally I like most men but I wouldn't be giving my number to this one.

I would be very careful.
School playgrounds can be worse for the parents than the dc. I would not be entering into a ‘friendship’ that could blow up my child’s stability at school. The winking and noting of your age sounds creepy. I would reduce contact to just a cheery hello and step back personally,

I have witnessed some hideous fallouts regarding inappropriate contact and affairs etc over the years at school, and they always start like this op. Benign friendship thst turns into an EA and worse. Prioritise your son, and make friends outside of school.

Exactly and op is playing the innocent act. 🤦‍♀️
There's no talk of play dates yet you gave him your number.
The only time a parent at the school would be asking for your number would be prefaced with the mention of a play date.
Yea go on acting 'confused and innocent' op.

He sounds dodgy.

You sound a bit keen on attention and enjoying the maybe-he-is-interested.

You know this is inappropriate. Yet on some level you enjoy telling your friends and MN about how this older married dad is giving you special attention.

Do what you want.
This could blow up and you and your son might end up with a reputation amongst the school parents. Not ideal if you are in a small village.

Tbh this is behaviour I might have done myself when young/needy/single. Now married myself I would never dream of it and my husband would find this very inappropriate too.

a ten year age gap is not late 20s/early 30s

is this a windup??

OP said late 30s

If you want to do the right thing:

Cool off on your faux-innocent chatting.
Don’t exchange numbers or text married dads.
Ask for his wife’s number and text her if you need to say anything.

Imagine your poor son getting ostracised by the other school mums due to your being known as easy - could happen, even if it’s totally unfair.

oh yes,
need my eyes testing!

i wouldnt ask for the wife's number since the dad obviously does the school run,
as regards his number, no idea.
take it, block it, ignore it

This is my husband - he does almost all of the kids play dates/extra activities as I am more than likely travelling overseas for work - he speaks to almost all the mums and some of the mums automatically assume I’m not in the country ( one or two thought he was a single dad 😂) doesn’t bother me as it’s really for the kids stuff.

It’s ridiculous isn’t it? I’m a single mum and really not interested in anyone’s shit husband , but think lots of women think we’re all desperate to be remarried !

the irony is - most of the affairs I know about have been between people where both partners are married! As if a woman being single makes it more likely she’ll have an affair

I agree with this. Theoretically, of course it's fine - you're both on school run, kids get on etc etc. But in this case, it does feel a little off.

Dh has loads of the school mum numbers and I have lots of the school dads' numbers. But those conversations are all about the logistics of childcare etc and we're not actively becoming friends unless there's a specific reason. eg DH and one woman from school (who is my friend really) might go see a movie they're both interested in together. That's fine - I am the one who suggested it - but this is after years of general pick ups, playdates etc and in fact DH has become quite good friends with her DH.

It’s ridiculous isn’t it? I’m a single mum and really not interested in anyone’s shit husband , but think lots of women think we’re all desperate to be remarried !

Actually, in OP's case, I think it's the married man who sounds dodgy. She sounds perfectly nice and normal and keen to make friends. Which makes lots of sense. But he's being a bit weird and inappropriate. And let's be honest, school gate friendships usually start by engaging about the DC, not just with an exchange of numbers for no reason.

If at-home dads aren't allowed to swap numbers / make friends with at-home mums, how are they supposed to arrange play dates and socialise with other parents and kids? It would be really isolating for them.

OP, it's perfectly fine. I wouldn't even think twice about this if the man was my partner.

Dh and I are both friends with a lot of parents from school as we share school runs and if there's a play date invitation and I'm working dh will take dc and sit in the park chatting to their mum.
Like wise I've invited dc friends to the park and the dads come along while their mum has time to themselves etc not weird, we've all got each other s numbers.

I must have a really unfriendly DH as he doesn't really make friends with women apart from one through golf or my/our friends.

He's never been a SAHD though and has always worked longer hours than me so he's never arranged play dates when the children were younger.

I think most women can tell if a man is being friendly or if they are after a bit more.

My DH was a SAHM parent for a while. My DC wouldn't have had any playdates if he'd been made to feel it was inappropriate to make plans with female parents.