How do you react when you see/hear nasty things said about you that you weren’t meant to hear?

[StuckInARut40]

Something popped up on my Facebook feed that was basically someone who I thought was a good friend bitching about me. It was on a group that I’m not a member of, and randomly popped up in my feed, and it was blatantly about me. I’m so hurt as I thought they were a friend, but am not sure what to do about it.

YABU- just let it go, it wasn’t meant for you to see
YANBU- say something to the person as you won’t be able to forget what they’ve said

@StuckInARut40

It depends on what she was saying is there any truth in it ?
Is it something confidential you have trusted with then?
Has she form for this in the past?🤔

Does she do this to make her seem more interesting than what she really is or is it a character assassination attempts?

You could either ghost 👻 her when she envitablly gets in touch trying to be your friend again or give it all barels blazing ect?

I'd probably 'like' her comment, so she knew I had seen it. Then wait to see what happens and is said.

well in response to the title question I’d be very hurt

As to what I’d do – depends what was said and the nature of my friendship with the person

Sorry that happened OP anyway, sounds v upsetting

I’d definitely say something

Yep. Do this.

I couldn’t let it lie. Is there an element of truth to it?

Agreed

I don’t take it to heart because I know that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, but I would back off from that person, being polite but no closer in the future.

I'd screenshot it and next time I seen her I would say why did you post this. We are done been friends

People say things about others, that's a fact of life, however it doesn't make it any less hurtful when you see a so called friend commenting about you on social media.

I don't think you can let it go , I'd probably like the comment too and see what happens 😆

I couldn't let that go. It would be festering until I inevitably let it drop that I'd seen it. Better to either let her know you've seen it (liking it) or stopping contact with her, depending on how important the friendship is to you. But even if they apologised, I don't think I could be good friends with someone after they'd been complaining about me on SM. Venting to one other friend privately I could most likely get over, unless they were especially venomous about it. Talking about you to a whole other group of people makes it worse, imo.

I think I’m going to have to say something. It’s not a group that I’m a member of so I won’t comment on there - it just randomly popped up on my feed but was so blatantly about me. I’m so so hurt. I don’t want to give details but it was basically bitching about my housekeeping skills (or lack of).

Yeah, definitely say something, that must have been horrible seeing that.

How can you know it was about you though? Presumably she could deny it was about you unless your name is attached, so you won't get anywhere saying anything?

This is absolutely my level of passive aggression. Do this.

I would do the like thing as well. What a nasty thing for her to do. She has shown you her true colours.

I would stop being friends with someone who has nothing better to do than bitch about housekeeping skills.

Personally I would use the wow reaction rather than liking the post. Nothing else, then I'd limit all interactions with said person going forward whilst I re-evaluated the relationship. I try to be a grown up these days and consider my options rather than going in all guns blazing, I don't find it easy though.

I'd like to have the courage to say something. But sometimes we're just better off doing nothing and distancing. It depends on the person and their importance in your life. Some people will never accept responsibility so I'd factor in whether she's one of those. I don't know if liking it will make you feel better in the long run. I think it's always best to just be mature and let people know how hurt you were by something. Then just pull back. I would struggle to trust someone who did that.

Either way it's really hurtful and unkind and I hope you have other less bitchy people in your life ❤️

Is what she says about your housekeeping skills justified? Has it hit a raw nerve?

I always ask directly.

1. I could be getting the wrong end of the stick
2. If she was irritated by be rightly so and i was in the wrong then i feel i need to amend my actions going forward
3. Genuine poor on her part, i am holding her to account and if she wants to publicly be rude to me, i am sure she can handle doing so a bit more honestly.

I don't like misinterpretation and i don't like hiding uncomfortable feelings as i found things left unsaid snowball and get worse when left as an elephant in the room. Air it all out then move on.

You know where you stand with her now. I had similar in a work situation. I knew then I was and would always be on the outside and to stop doing work favors which would
never be reciprocated. I left for a parallel job at a different location and it’s fantastic. Sometimes I do tap these former colleagues for information so I’m glad I never confronted them. But I still know they would always view me as an outsider and different. The person who came after me left <11 months she felt the same. And it also was petty bitching like how I arranged the cupboards and work supplies never about my actual work performance.

Please do a wow reaction to her comment. She needs to squirm a bit, a little instant karma for being needlessly bitchy. Well, only if you're sure it's about you. Otherwise a like reaction to be safe.

If you are able to comment in that group even though you are not a member I would post “wow, you do realise that posting on FB thinking you can bitch about someone behind their back is risky right? Guess you are not that bright”. But then again I am the confrontational type.

How someone keeps their house tidy or not has got the sum of fuck all to do with anyone else.