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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a stranger offering sweets is a bit worrying......

57 replies

michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:45

On the metro on the way home today with dd1 (3) and dd2 (13months). We are standing in the bycycle section waiting the train to start as we are the end of the line.

This lady (40ish) gets on and stands next to us. I thought that it was a bit wierd as the rest of the carriage was virtually empty with plenty of seats.

She starts eating a packet of sweets - so dd1 is looking at her with those big hungry eyes. She then offers dd1 one of her sweets. DD1 goes to take one but I said no (in a rather panicky voice) - explaining that she had had rather a lot of sweets today.

This didnt go down to well as i live brussels and dont speak the language so i am not sure she understood and she moved away. DD1 promptly burst into tears and sulked the rest of the way home.

Now i am not sure if IABU as visions of poisoned sweets and kidnap were going through my head. However the belgiums are very friendly and hands on with kids and she may just have been friendly.

What do the wise ones on mumsnet think?

OP posts:
tiredemma · 26/03/2008 15:47

I think that she was just being friendly. I offer my sweets to kids on public transport.

Flight · 26/03/2008 15:48

I think if Dd is with you and the lady is eating the sweets herself, they are unlikely to be poisoned - but I would still make sure I said to my child,

'Yes, go ahead, that's Ok because though ywe don't know this lady, Mummy is here' kind of thing.

Tricky one - I hate Ds being given chocolate etc but it's hard to say no when someone's already offered it to him.

brimfull · 26/03/2008 15:48

Well if she was eating them herself I'd assume they were safe and let my child have one.But I am pretty relaxed and friendly with complete strangers.

I think she was just being friendly.

Brangelina · 26/03/2008 15:50

She probably thought you weer a weird foreigner. Maybe it might have been better to smile and say no nicely instead of the way you said it. I also don't like it much when strangers offer sweets but I try to be nice about it as people are only trying to be kind.

Have you just arrived in brussels? How come you don't speak the language?

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:50

Ok - now I feel really mean - I guesse I have seen to many horrible news stories recently.

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 26/03/2008 15:50

YAB V PFB

PrettyCandles · 26/03/2008 15:52

Just friendl I think. Perfectly OK to do this if child is with a parent. But personally I would ask parent's permissio9n first.

Brangelina · 26/03/2008 15:52

I remember once being offered a sweet out of a bag by someone who'd just been picking his nose. I said no

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:52

Brangelina - been here just over 6 months and been rather lazy over learnig the language as most people speak english.

What does PFB mean?

OP posts:
posieflump · 26/03/2008 15:53

Precious First Born

Brangelina · 26/03/2008 15:53

precious first born

are you going to stay for long?

Chequers · 26/03/2008 15:53

Message withdrawn

BeauLocks · 26/03/2008 15:54

LOL at Brangelina. Ds1 offered me one of his raisins the other day. He handed it to me with the finger that had just been up his nose.

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:54

2 years at least, maybe longer if DH is offered it.

OP posts:
Brangelina · 26/03/2008 15:55

Lol, Belgiums must be the sweets, a bit like fruit gums

SoupDragon · 26/03/2008 15:55

How on earth could she kidnap your child if you were sitting there???

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:56

OK Chequers sorry - belgians - its been a long day!

OP posts:
Astrophe · 26/03/2008 15:56

I try to teach the DC to ask me first, before they scoff them.

beaniesteve · 26/03/2008 15:57

visions of poisoned sweets and kidnap is unreasonable.

But if you were saying no because your child had too many sweets already then YANBU

Chequers · 26/03/2008 15:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:57

SoupDragon - I have a vivid imagination - she could grap her and jump of as the train is moving.
guesse I have seen to many bad movies too.

OP posts:
Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 15:58

"Grab" even

OP posts:
Brangelina · 26/03/2008 15:59

Oh, if you stay 2 years please at least attempt to learn the language. It's a respect thing, even if everyone does speak English. Imagine if your next door neighbour in the UK only ever addressed you in french despite residing there for a while. Sorry, it's a bit of a bugbear for me, I just find it bad manners that many Brits just don't bother even trying to learn when living in someone else's country. In Brussels it's French, right? french is dead easy, plus you'll be using it every day so will pick it up even faster. You DD will learn too.

PotPourri · 26/03/2008 16:01

YANBU. Children shouldn't really be taking sweets off of strangers - all the child safety messages when I was little revovled around not going with strangers, even if htey gave yo sweets or had little puppies to show you (!).

However, it does sound like she was just being friendly, and I think it is sad in this day and age that we are so worried about such contact. However, it is the way things are. Your DC will forget about it soon enough - don't worry. and anyone the lady tells teh story to will probably sympathise with her, but say that it's quite reasonable for you to say they shouldn't have them.

Original poster
michie40 · 26/03/2008 16:01

Brangelina - I agree with you and I am trying - DH is having lessons through work and dd1 is going to the local french maternelle. I am looking for lessons to fit in with the dds.

OP posts: