To find it embarrassing that my nans buys Mother’s Day presents?

[Rainorsnow]

I’m 23 and my sisters are 21 and 18 and every Mothers Day my Nan buys presents for us for our mum. She has done this since we were little and obviously when you’re a child this is completely normal but but once I turned 18 I started wanting to do it myself with my sisters but Nan buys the presents weeks in advance in February so I don’t get the chance to and I don’t want to undermine her presents so we don’t get mum anything other than a bunch of flowers. It’s getting embarrassing and my I don’t think my grandad likes it either.

I wish my nana was still around to do things like this.

She was a fusspot, always worrying and always doing things we didn't need her to just because she always had done. It was lovely really.

I used to walk past her house on my way home from school and she would watch from the window to make sure I passed on time and was safe.

She used to buy me an Easter egg well into my 30s.

She used to block up my answer phone with endless voicemails saying "hi it's Nana ..... etc etc"

I'd give anything to have all that back.

Enjoy it, you will miss it when she's gone. And there's nothing at-all stopping you getting something for your mum yourself.

No, it's fine. Your nan wants to give your mum a gift. That's up to her. Give your mum something from you, entirely independently. If there's any confusion about who things are from be ckear what is from nan and what is from you. There's no ceiling on how much niceness a person can have in their life.

It's normal for a relative to buy MD presents, if the children's father isn't doing it. It's discussed between me and my eldest, for my middle DD's children (LP). Your Nan is trying to spare you the bother, but you need to make it clear that it is something that you want to do for your Mum.

Let her do it if it gives her pleasure.

I think it’s nice. As a mum I am happy to receive lots of presents! Also, I am happy to receive cups of tea, cake, breakfast in bed and other meals I don’t have to cook, someone washing my car, etc etc. I think when your nan passes you will
look back fondly on this ritual.

I think it’s lovely, just add your own to it. Tell her it’s really sweet and you appreciate her doing this when you were a child and you think she’s amazing. Then maybe say we also got mum this to add to it. I don’t think that’s undermining her gift.

Was your mum a single parent when you were growing up? Did she buy the gift because your father didn’t? If so she is in the habit and I wouldn’t take it away from her. She may get joy from doing this.

I miss my grandmas so much - this will be one of those daft little stories you remember forever.

Just get your mum a gift from you. I think this is one of those cases of, “if you want to be treated like an adult then just start acting like one.”

Learn to communicate with your family, tell your Nan that you’re choosing your own gift for your mum and then do it. If she shows up with someone she has bought, just remind her of what you said and produce your own gift.

Just tell your Nan you aren't children and can buy your own mother a present. Make sure you appreciate the years she has done it for but tell her she needn't bother. If she doesn't listen then just get your own anyway. If it undermines her that serves her right for ignoring your request to stop. Tell her today so she knows not to do it next year.

Let your man buy a gift and you buy a gift aswell, give them all together….. I don’t see how this is such a dilemma

It sounds like a nice gesture from your nan and a habit she's doing. You just need to tell her she doesn't need to do it now. To be fair, you should've done that a long time ago. You're 23 fgs. You said you started wanting to buy your own gifts at 18 - that's far too old imo. I was buying my own mum a gift in my early teens with no supervision. It sounds like you've let it carry on for too long.

Either tell her we'll in advance that you'll get your own orese ts next year, or your mum has presents from you and her.

This. Why cant you just buy her the gift you wanted anyway? Or if your nan so happens to have got it already, get somthing else she likes?

Well, it might but if you're worried about that, why not have the conversation with her?

Thank her, explain that you want to do the choosing.

Either she'll carry on getting your mum something, or she'll leave it to you.

How did this not come up 5+ years ago?

No

No.

So from your mother's perspective, she has 3 adult children not one of whom has ever been arsed to get her something for mother's day? That's really poor.

Get something as well as the gifts your nan has got

This is lovely of your nan (as long as it’s not being done maliciously), I’d let her carry on and just buy your own stuff too, I’m sure your mum won’t mind twice the amount of presents.

This.
There's a very simple way to keep everyone happy, op... Not difficult at all.

Indeed! Pretty poor.

A complete non issue

What is meant by 'I dont think my grandad likes it either'

What doesnt he like, the money aspect or something? Or does he perceive that you girls havent got your own presents together so his wife has to continue to do it?

Just get presents as well, it wont undermine nan at all and is more presents for mum. She might still continue to get the presents or she might then feel confident that her grandaughters are on it and will get presents and cards.

Either way, mum gets a nice day. Does nan get anything for herself from everyone?

Pretend it's not mother's day. The date is meaningless
Isn't it nice for you nan just to buy a gift for her grandkids now and then.

I think it's sweet. If mum and grandma get on could you do something like take them both out for afternoon tea and spoil them both? Flowers for both?

You get such a short amount of time with your grandparents you should treasure every opportunity

This is a great idea, your nan buys the physical gifts, but you take your mum out to do something special together.

This way your mum will know how much you appreciate her, and your nan will enjoy carrying on the tradition

I don’t understand why there’s no gift for the nan as well as the mum. The sisters should be on top of that. Afternoon tea or something