To find it embarrassing that my nans buys Mother’s Day presents?

[Rainorsnow]

I’m 23 and my sisters are 21 and 18 and every Mothers Day my Nan buys presents for us for our mum. She has done this since we were little and obviously when you’re a child this is completely normal but but once I turned 18 I started wanting to do it myself with my sisters but Nan buys the presents weeks in advance in February so I don’t get the chance to and I don’t want to undermine her presents so we don’t get mum anything other than a bunch of flowers. It’s getting embarrassing and my I don’t think my grandad likes it either.

No!
Why would it?
Could you use your words to communicate with your family?

If you never buy your own gifts then presumably that's why she thinks she needs to keep on doing it. Get your own gifts for goodness sake regardless of what your nan does.

Not at all.

Not really.

I wouldn't care about undermining.

It's a a bit forward to buy a gift on behalf of someone else anyway so she'd have to deal with the fact that, by doing something as unconventional as buying her own daughter a Mother's Day gift from her adult grandchildren she ran the risk that this could happen. And, had you stepped forward years ago, she might have stopped by now.

I have a friend who has a habit of buying a gift for other friends on all of our behalfs without consulting us and then expecting us to all chip in after she's bought it. I always just say "sorry, I didn't realise we were doing a group gift and am already over budget as have bought my own" as do others in our circle. She doesn't take offence and now accepts she should discuss it all first.

@Rainorsnow

By the way, when you write @ everyone on here you end up tagging a person with the username "everyone" rather than everyone who has posted on the thread which may be quite annoying for that user if they have email notifications switched on!

This. Your Nan probably enjoys getting involved. I hope you buy her a gift.

No. My two DDs have bought me small individual presents, and a joint, larger one (a meal).

Of course, on this special day, just cooking your mum her dinner would be greatly appreciated, or breakfast in bed, which you could do without spending a penny, as well as gift her Nan's presents.

I'd buy a gift for both and undermining wouldn't enter my head.

OK thanks for the clarity. Next year we’ll tell her we’d like to do it ourselves and just buy gifts anyway even if she buys some. My mum gets the gifts for my Nan to anyone asking about that.

Is it normal for your Nan to buy your mum presents on your behalf? DAE have that happen in their family?

Is it normal for your Nan to buy your mum presents on your behalf? DAE have that happen in their family?

It's not the case in my family or anyone elses family I know.

My Dad would sort out a present from me for Mum (and Mum vice versa
on his special occassions) until I was about 11. After that I was either given cash to sort my own or I'd get stuff out of pocket money until I got my first job as a teenager. At 11 I'd start going into town on the bus on my own etc to choose a gift and enjoyed the experience.

I've never known an adult child to be giving gifts to their Mum that another adult bought on their behalf...unless it's a daughter in law buying mil a gift on behalf of a DH...but that's a whole other thread!

Your nan is being sweet but it's definitely not the generally done thing.

No, you are all grown women you can do what you like, I'm assuming your mum knows she buys these gifts what does she say about it, I think its sweet though and I would have a word with her and say Nan we can manage.

I would take your mum for a nice lunch as the present from you so she doesn’t end up with loads of stuff but gets time with you all.

Just buy your own AND gift the flowers from nan. Win, win for your mum! Once your nan can see you're all capable adults, she'll stop buying them!

So what if it does!? Don’t be a doormat.

No, never. When I was a child (ten and younger) I picked some flowers for her and made a card. Why on earth would my mum expect my dad or grandmother to get something..it’s just very weird. How did you even get to this age and still let it happen!?

I have never had a nan so I wouldn’t know.

But my mum doesn’t buy presents for me on behalf of my children as my partner does it. Does your mum have a partner? If not, I think it’s lovely that your nan stepped up and made sure your mum always got a present. But now you are 18 I think it’s fine to get your own presents for your mum. You can mention to your nan that from now on, you will be getting your mum presents but she is welcome to also do so. This way you are not undermining her, but she can carry on if she likes. Maybe she is a bit overbearing or maybe she just likes buying presents 😊 either way it’s better than nobody caring.

Who is it you keep tagging?

YABU to think it is embarrassing. As an adult you need to tell your Nan that you are very grateful that she made sure you and your Sister had presents to give to your Mum when you were little but you will buy them from now on as she has spent enough. Take her a lovely bunch of flowers as a thank you.

She is wonderful mother to her daughter, a wonderful grandmother to you also. I wish i had even 1 female relative left in my life like that

You do have time to pop out and pick up something to kick start this - or take your mum out for tea?

This made me smile. Yes it's embarrassing and ridiculous but I suspect you'll get nowhere because she likes doing it. Just give your Mum something else. Even if Nan feels undermined that's tough luck, you are allowed buy your own mother a gift! This reminds me of a friend whose Aunt used to buy a happy birthday card for her mum for her to give. She absolutely refused to give this up so much that when my friend moved to another city, she would post the card to my friend with a return stamp already on the envelope which my friend then had to sign and post 😂

No, I really don't.

The crucial bit of info missing here, is is your Nan a nice, kind person or is she horrible?

If she's a lovely Nan then honestly? get over yourselves. She probably still thinks of you all as her grandkids who relied on her for stuff like this, maybe it helps her feel young, or useful, who cares. Buy your mum something anyway. Unless you all say "awww Nan, our present was much better" then how would she be undermined? Or even know?

If she's horrible then that's different and needs dealing with, either tell her to pack it in or buy your mum something anyway cos who cares if she's upset.

Fwiw to answer one of your questions, my Nana did this til i was 15 even though i was able to buy my mum a present. I never said anything because it was brill my lovely mum got 2 presents!! The only reason she stopped was she died suddenly about 2 weeks before the next Mothers day although I did find a ornament in a woolworths shopping bag in her bedroom when we went through her stuff that I suspected was for mum. It's one of my most treasured possessions now.

Same, although I've got mum still. I suspect she'll do the same as ops Nan. 2 pressies on Mothers day from my fave people who all cared enough to want to make sure i got something...I can't wait 😍 one of them had better be chocs tho!!

She has only tagged once, she does not keep tagging. The OP obviously does not know how mumsnet works and thinks this is like other social media where if you tag @everyone then all see the update or post. Obviously, a genuine error so no need to be so pas ag!