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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woman asked to make a roast 2 days after giving birth

91 replies

Ace56 · 09/03/2024 16:15

This video seems to be doing the rounds atm - anyone seen it?

I hope it’s fake but if not, how utterly ridiculous and good on the woman for filming and publicly humiliating her partner.

https://twitter.com/NoCapFights/status/1764748718560227610?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1764748718560227610%7Ctwgr%5E60b1176fbc7c1509a32ffe5ceb4f8385345ede9b%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fd-25126824133496919865.ampproject.net%2F2402231941000%2Fframe.html

https://twitter.com/NoCapFights/status/1764748718560227610?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1764748718560227610%7Ctwgr%5E60b1176fbc7c1509a32ffe5ceb4f8385345ede9b%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fd-25126824133496919865.ampproject.net%2F2402231941000%2Fframe.html

OP posts:
Smugglerstop · 10/03/2024 22:36

Scaffoldingisugly · 09/03/2024 19:08

Under the control of my now exh I came home from having ds and made a full on roast dinner.. While the fucking ils sat holding the new baby. I remember standing there crying and nobody even noticed..
Can't imagine how I ended up with ptsd...

I'm so sorry you had this experience. I don't understand how people can be so unfeeling and blind to the obvious needs of another. My heart broke a bit when reading your story. I hope your life now has joy and you're away from that awful family.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/03/2024 22:44

I don’t disagree @Nain5, but almost everyone had it tougher then- certainly in terms of physical labour. Your Grandma obviously was made of tough stuff (mine was too). Sounds like she probably didn’t have a choice but to get up and get on with the cooking- assuming there were no other available options for making a family dinner; but perhaps she would have liked a choice to stay lying down and cuddling her newborn for a little longer. When humans are in tough situations and just have to get on with things, they generally do- just as much now as they did back then.

If we look at other parts of the world, we’ll probably still see societies where women get up and start working straight after they have given birth- when they have no choice. None of this of course means that it should be an expectation in a home like that pictured in the video, where there is a seemingly able-bodied man standing right there who is presumably capable of cooking a roast dinner (or ordering one from a delivery service or taking his wife and baby to the pub for dinner).

Obviously the video is fake anyway, but talking about a hypothetical real world situation of this type.

sunshinestar1986 · 10/03/2024 23:03

I cooked a breakfast for myself 3 days after giving birth, then lunch cuz I had no one
Then got so ill
I went back into hospital for 3 days
Nothing wrong with me except sheer exhaustion and trauma from the birth
Maybe some women have easy pregnancies and labours and perhaps their in better shape
My sis said she felt fine the next day, she was young, only 20 and fit and healthy
No woman is the same
Why would women boast about being fine so everyone else must be lying
So dumb

SisterhoodNotCisterhood · 10/03/2024 23:11

Those videos are fakes. The same "actors" have dozens. You can tell because they use the same houses and use the same recording angles and they're the same Northern voices each time with that woman featuring in most. They do everything from Parking Karen's to Neighbour Disputes. I think they did a bailiff one too. Another was a 30 year old man throwing a tantrum about his parents selling up and needing him to move out.

mrsg1981 · 10/03/2024 23:19

It’s clearly fake!

Imy06 · 11/03/2024 03:29

I'm incensed at the women saying 'I did, so what's the problem?' Well good for you, but not everyone is capable of it, and comments and attitudes like that are the problem and make the people who are having a harder time recovering feel bad.
I had a pretty straight forward although very long first labour, no interventions and just a second degree tear. Thought I was fine. I wish I could go back and tell myself to rest but I felt bad for it and did too much and thought the pain I felt just walking around was just normal and to be endured as I went about my daily business. I ended up having a prolapse, thankfully only moderate but which cause me a lot of angst and discomfort for a long time after.
And do you know about the size of the wound the placenta leaves after detaching? If that was on the outside of your body and people could see it, it would be taken a lot more seriously.
I'm glad that there is more awareness around it all so that women are, in a lot of cases, not expected to go back normal duties straight away. Gosh I feel so much for the ladies of years gone by who had no choice but to. They definitely were made of tough stuff! And I'm sure a lot of women could handle it if they had to now, but thankfully things have changed and we don't have to! For very good reasons. And I'm sure there was a lot of consequences for their health that maybe aren't spoken about too much.

Jewnicorn · 11/03/2024 10:23

I think we’ve pretty much established it’s fake but men like this definitely exist. I gave birth to my second child at home at 5:15 pm. By half 7 I was stood in the kitchen making pasta for my older child because he ‘didn’t know how’. Less than 24 hours after giving birth I made a full roast or else ‘the chicken will go off.’
Thankfully he’s my ex husband now because while I just about physically could, doesn’t mean I should have to.

Whyamiherenow · 11/03/2024 11:26

This is awesome. We don’t do traditional sunday dinners often in our house but within 48 hours of having baby by c section. Normal cooking had resumed. Including to feed DSD, mil, my parents. Life doesn’t stop because you have a baby.

Waitingfordoggo · 11/03/2024 11:33

@Whyamiherenow What is it that you find awesome?

rwalker · 11/03/2024 11:42

Absolutely scripted
fake

Hagpie · 11/03/2024 12:13

I could have done a roast after my last one but my ex-partner isn’t a cruel man. 3 weeks after her birth I had to have surgery and was treated like a princess for months. He did most of the housework and looked after the older two and if he didn’t get up with the baby himself, he had to physically help me get up so I could feed her. He tenderly bathed me and changed my pads. He didn’t complain once and often kissed me on the forehead and told me I just needed to get better. No baby blues and the best physical health of my life have followed.

We are working on things but even if it doesn’t work out, I will always love him for that.

eastegg · 11/03/2024 13:50

mitogoshi · 09/03/2024 17:10

It's fake but I personally don't see the issue with cooking 2 days postpartum- no way would I let exh near the kitchen to burn food! I made dinner the day after I gave birth and made him look after the dc.

You can do what you want, but, if you’re going to do this kind of thing, you owe it to other women to, in the nicest possible way, shut the fuck up about it.

It’s normalising ‘bouncing back’, which is then used against women.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/03/2024 14:07

Whyamiherenow · 11/03/2024 11:26

This is awesome. We don’t do traditional sunday dinners often in our house but within 48 hours of having baby by c section. Normal cooking had resumed. Including to feed DSD, mil, my parents. Life doesn’t stop because you have a baby.

No life doesn’t stop when you’ve had a baby. The essentials still need doing. However, having cooking a roast for guests is not an essential and if people really deem it to be that important, the man or guests could do it.

Single parents obviously have to continue cooking after giving birth if they don’t have anyone else capable of doing it (older teens or adults). However, that can be sticking a pizza in the oven or microwaving a ready meal.

Whyamiherenow · 11/03/2024 14:33

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/03/2024 14:07

No life doesn’t stop when you’ve had a baby. The essentials still need doing. However, having cooking a roast for guests is not an essential and if people really deem it to be that important, the man or guests could do it.

Single parents obviously have to continue cooking after giving birth if they don’t have anyone else capable of doing it (older teens or adults). However, that can be sticking a pizza in the oven or microwaving a ready meal.

I did acknowledge we don’t do the traditional Sunday dinner in the house (with the exception of Christmas Day). The way this video (if it is real) portrays it - the Sunday dinner is a part of their life. We do tend to eat much simpler food in our house but cooking for guests is normal (my parents / mil).

I do cook much more simply than a Sunday dinner and did try to avoid bending down to the oven too much immediately after giving birth because it wasn’t the most comfortable.

I think the first post baby meal I made was steak pie and chips with a simple pastry top, mash and veg. Nothing complicated. Just normal food. After that I left the oven for a while because of the bending. We did tend to have bolognaise / chilli / curry - non oven meals for the next week or so.

I do find making the dough for pizzas a lot of faff but again if that’s what your family like then that’s a great thing for you. Baking isn’t my skill really.

I’ve never cooked a ready meal either because I find microwaves confusing. All those timings on the packets (not a joke - I find getting all the components ready at once stressful. Like when the fish fingers and chips had different times and temperatures in the oven) and I worry about the ingredients and preservatives (although I know you can get some better ones they tend to be expensive).

Yes. Plenty of people have to make themselves / their families food in order to survive.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/03/2024 14:55

I do find making the dough for pizzas a lot of faff but again if that’s what your family like then that’s a great thing for you. Baking isn’t my skill really.

Ha! No. I do not stand there making dough and stretching it out to make a pizza. The pre-made ones are perfectly fine.

Ultimately, after giving birth, my husband does the cooking because he’s perfectly capable of making dinner and he wants me to rest and recover too.

Catbumfomo · 11/03/2024 14:57

This is so so fake, stop spreading rubbish

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