to cancel my wedding in July

[PeppermintPatty]

Not because I don't want to marry DP.
But I just don't want to do the whole wedding thing.

I never wanted a 'wedding', I would love to just nip down to the registery office and do it quietly. But DP really wants a big day.
So we compromised - its fairly low key as weddings go, but still in a church, 100 guests etc.

We've just started to organise it. And its already getting out of control - families 'giving advice' and telling us their expectations for the day, inviting people without asking us, or people assuming they are invited, me and DP arguing over things, me getting stressed.

I've really started to panic.

I don't want to do it. Its not just the stress from family etc. I don't want to spend the next 4 months organising it.

I've had quite an eventful time in last year (bought a house, moved in with DP, done work on house, had baby, got engaged, now back at work).
I feel I need a break from big events!! I want a break, to enjoy the summer, and spend time with DP and DD without stress, arguements and a wedding to plan.

Told DP all this, he sort of agrees, but I think he's also disappointed and worried about letting people (especially his family) down.

It's booked, we've told people but nothing has been paid for yet, and no invites sent out. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable to want to cancel / postpone it?

I hope so Honoria! Thanks for your words of wisdom

Aww, don't be sad. I'm sure you'll come to something you both agree on. It's unusual for the bloke to want the big day, isn't it? Is it possible for you to do both? Ie a quiet meaningful ceremony for the 2 of you then the big day for a party? You both get the day you want? Anyways, congrats and good luck,

I could've written this myself 12 months ago. I felt just the same as you - dreading the thought of everyone looking at me all day, hate having my photograph taken, detest being the centre of attention, didn't want a 'big' wedding etc. etc. We got married last August

I even started asking myself if I even wanted to get married at all and wondered why we couldn't just stay as we were

I have to say, despite everything, I did enjoy my wedding day. And I honestly never thought I'd hear myself say that. I tell myself that it's not the wedding that matters, it's the marriage. And I have no complaints about that

Pidge, your 'celebrate our relationship' party sounds brill.
I do think a party separate from the wedding is the best idea. Partys are GOOD!
And the wedding can be small and quick, therefore relatively painless!

NotActually - a fellow wedding phobic
Although you're now cured!
How did you cope?

Definitely a wedding phobic

I kept telling myself (over, and over, and over again....) that I was marrying the man I love, we were going to have a fantastic life together, and at the end of the day that's all that really matters

As for the day itself, it went sooooooooooo damn quick I didn't need to think about how to cope! Honestly, the day just went in a flash!!

I think its the lead up to a big wedding I won't cope with, not just the day.

I WILL worry about it everyday, I will get stressed about it, I will probably lose sleep over it. I will be grumpy and irritated and bad tempered for 4 months.
I just know I will.

And I don't want to be. I want to relax and avoid all unnecessary stress!

It is really not worth you already getting so stressed out. You haven't paid for anything yet have you? Considering the way you are feeling I really would cancel the lot, with your partner's blessing, and do something really enjoyable and intimate in your own time, maybe you could get away with the baby for the actual ceremony and have the big old party back home. My sister and her now husband got married in Siena last year, with only their kids and close family attending (we all had a weeks holiday together in a farmhouse, and it was fab!)then she had a party with friends and extended family a month later. She seemed really happy with it and the best thing was she used a wedding organiser in Italy who arranged absolutely everything, flowers, photographer, meal, the lot, for a third of the price it would have cost here. All she had to do was pick out a dress. If you want the contact details for the organiser let me know, he had a lot of testimonials on his website - I don't work for him by the way!