To think something inside me is missing?

[Merryoldgoat]

The more I read on here and talk to people in real life the more I wonder if there’s something wrong with me: whether I’m damaged in some way.

The things that matter to many/most people just don’t bother me.

I’m no ‘cool wife’ or anything, this isn’t some kind of faux ‘aren’t I chill’ post.

I’m honestly wondering if I’m so damaged that these things don’t bother me.

Mothers’ Day - literally don’t care. Flowers would be nice but if I didn’t get any it’s a non-issue.

Ditto Valentines, Anniversary etc. Birthday it’s nice to get things but no big deal.

Friend pisses me off? Fine. Just cut them out and carry on.

All the angst I see/hear around - I get it intellectually but can’t muster much feeling.

I am on antidepressants but don’t feel numb, just more even.

But maybe I’m in denial.

Not sure what I’m expecting from this.

It's nice you are non-dramatic but are you able to empathise with others and recognise they may feel more strongly about things and that's ok?

I can empathise with people but I often think they’re being ridiculous and my sympathy is limited in these cases. I think some people might think I’m hard, however my friends would not think that as I’m often someone they come to for advice/help which I always try to give.

I’ve got a small number of good friends though - I’ve cut the ones I felt weren’t mutually beneficial.

I think you are actually quite normal.

Most people don't like to see people who are experiencing negative emotion whether that be grief or upset or whatever.

They move away from them because it's unpleasant to be around.

What I find interesting is that in nature, for example in cats, because predators pick out the old and sick cats have evolved not to show signs of illness and pain. vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/recognizing-signs-of-illness-in-cats#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20cats%20have%20evolved%20to,owner%20realizes%20something%20is%20wrong.

Humans are different - as social animals we do show signs of physical and emotional pain and illness and other people (sometimes) look after us. But we're not that different.

When humans are grieving, it's common for other people to distance themselves. The standard thing people say is "I don't know what to say". When people are ill or sick, again friends and family often distance themselves.

To some extent it's obvious why - this person is obviously going to be less useful as a friend and a lot of people run their friendships on an "am I getting enough back from this person" basis.

However, the flip side of this is that if you are ever in a situation where you are ill or grieving, as the saying goes, you will find out who your real friends are. The people who are short term friends and look only at whether you are useful to them on a month by month basis will vanish.

You sound lovely @Merryoldgoat! Don't question yourself.

You sound grounded, wise and perfectly sane. Maybe it’s not normal but I have become more like this as I age.

That’s a very kind thing to say - thank you ❤️

Thank you.

I think I have become more like this in the last 5-10 years (I’m 46) - both boys have ASD and I think perhaps all of the firefighting has hardened me a bit. I am quite resilient but definitely have my moments.

I think this is normal and I feel fairly similarly, I really don't care about commercial holidays or anniversaries - DP and I have a great relationship and he makes me feel appreciated so perhaps that makes a difference! I like to enjoy my birthday and Christmas but I can't get worked up about gifts or dinner reservations or whatever. Dp will ask me what I want to do / get and I'll tell him and we'll do that. No drama!!

Friends - eh I probably care more if we have a falling out and generally would try to repair things if possible. But I think as a general rule this is a more stress free and relaxed way to live your life!