To think something inside me is missing?

[Merryoldgoat]

The more I read on here and talk to people in real life the more I wonder if there’s something wrong with me: whether I’m damaged in some way.

The things that matter to many/most people just don’t bother me.

I’m no ‘cool wife’ or anything, this isn’t some kind of faux ‘aren’t I chill’ post.

I’m honestly wondering if I’m so damaged that these things don’t bother me.

Mothers’ Day - literally don’t care. Flowers would be nice but if I didn’t get any it’s a non-issue.

Ditto Valentines, Anniversary etc. Birthday it’s nice to get things but no big deal.

Friend pisses me off? Fine. Just cut them out and carry on.

All the angst I see/hear around - I get it intellectually but can’t muster much feeling.

I am on antidepressants but don’t feel numb, just more even.

But maybe I’m in denial.

Not sure what I’m expecting from this.

I think I'm just a bit too lazy to give a fuck about Mothers day and Valentines. The drama on here would make me exhausted.

Same here! I wonder if it’s because everything day to day feels ‘secure’? I think that’s why I don’t care about any particular ‘on the day’ stuff - I don’t feel like anything needs to be proven to me, the love and support is always there in the background day to day.

also, I have cracking self esteem which I think helps too!

That’s interesting - I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I’m fortunate to have a husband who is nothing but brilliant in every way and wider family who are also very supportive, particularly PIL.

I feel the same.

Valentines, Easter, Mother's Day mean absolutely nothing to me and never has.
Don't get me wrong, I've loved the daffodils from church, the Easter cards from school but beyond that I couldn't care less.

Mothers Day is embarrassing to me and I tolerate my birthday the same.

Clearly my ( adult) children want to commemorate such days but I wish they bloody wouldn't.
And yes, I've pleaded over the decades but they won't bloody listen.

I think it's a guilt thing... which I hate.

Hi friend!

My DH says he’s never met anyone with a better sense of their self-worth than me 🤣

Sounds normal to me. I think the reason I don’t care much about Valentine’s Day etc is because DH is an awesome husband almost all the time and I don’t need flowers one day of the year to somehow show that. It’s just my everyday.

Also with the friends - I’ve got lovely friends. If one of them is flakey or disappears then there are others. And I make new ones as I go through life.

So yeah I get what you’re saying.

I don't know why you are on here looking for something to be wrong with you? Although I would say it sounds as if you are a bit "meh" and that could be the Ads or it is just you and your life experience. Everyone is different. There's no need to look for labels all the time.

I’m not looking for a label. I said in my OP I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I seem not to care about things lots of people do.

I obviously haven’t divulged lots of my history/life which may affect how I feel things, but some of those things have been hard and therefore I wonder if I’ve been damaged by them without realising.

I’m autistic and this chimes with me a lot.

Look up alexithymia. I used to wonder why I spent my days feeling blank and emotionless (not in a bad way either - I just felt like I didn’t really feel any feelings unless euphorically happy or desperately sad) but I think the real issue is that I can’t process them.

I'm glad I saw this OP

Apart from my DH, kids and a few friends I'm increasingly caring less about people

I love my own company and cuddling up with my dog and a book is bliss

Care less and less about occasions

I'm in a very people job though!

Normal, like social media, don't count MN as normal.

Very good point!

Mothers/ fathers day, valentines & new years mean nothing to me. I get involved in mother/ father day for my DC and my mum. I couldn't care if I got nothing. It's commercialised shite.
I also don't like going to the theatre, days out/ away in a city. I don't drink coffee so don't get the costa/Starbucks thing. I have no interest in candles/beauty product parties/ Avon. I prefer to go clothes shopping alone. Spas are just sitting around a pool/jacuzzi. With Maybe an hour treatment out of the whole day

Perhaps it is a feeling secure in your relationships and yourself thing. I don't need grand gestures to know my DH and adult children appreciate me. I dunno, I tell my kids not to spend their money on me for Mothers day etc.

Totally normal life is to short for drama

Indeed. Whilst I’m on social media I follow solely good friends, comedians, and cats.

Sounds pretty normal. I think if you go by MN content you’ll always get a skewed idea of normal because people only post when they have an issue- no one starts a thread to say they didn’t do anything for Valentines Day and it was fine.

I'd say you're just resilient.

I care about some things very deeply indeed but couldn't give a toss about most of things you've mentioned. I've also worked hard to cut out dramatic people from my life because I find them quite wearing.

I sometimes think I've just developed a really thick skin because I've had quite a few personal tragedies and a high stress job. However, I know I'm not 'damaged' because I do still care about the things that I think matter, I love my family and friends and I'm generally considered a compassionate person.

So I say good for you!

I guess it depends if you've always been like this, or if you've just noticed and it's bothering you.

Did it co-incide with starting on Anti depressants? Only you know if that's linked. You've mentioned that you feel it may be to do with things that have happened to you, so I guess you mist be questioning what you feel as being 'different'

I would say if you've always been like this, then that's just who you are. I've always accepted myself and I just don't get overly emotional people. I've had traumatic things happen to me, but I can't link it to that (other than that my grandmother and mother were / are overly emotional and it got on my tits, so perhaps I made a subconscious choice to not be like that)

Just another perspective, my mum always used to say she wasn't bothered about Mother's Day, but I found that quite disappointing as a child, I used to make her home-made stuff or buy something little, I wanted to show her how much I loved her and it was a bit odd that she wasn't keen on the whole thing, from my perspective. Now as a mum I get it, I don't need love on a particular day and anything material, but I do let my kids (older now) do Mothers Day as they love it and like to show their appreciation.

Same for birthdays, it's fun making it special for someone else, Valentine's Day good excuse for some mutual appreciation.

I don't think you 'ought' to do any of it, just thinking aloud. My mum and her partner don't even get each other Christmas gifts!

@ItsallIeverwanted

I think I’m finding it hard to explain.

My older boy made me a heart pin cushion which made me cry last Mother’s Day but if he’d given it to me on a random Tuesday it would mean the same. I absolutely appreciate the kindness and love, just don’t put a load of store in the day. Does that make sense?

I have a friend who thinks I’m unemotional and detached. I’m not at all, she’s very dramatic, definitely a drama llama. I guess each to their own. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you though.

Thanks everyone.

It seems like there are lots of you like me so it’s normal which is 👌🏾

Yes!! Every year my husband asks me multiple times to confirm that I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day or Mother's Day. He thinks he’s failing in some complicated trap. But I just don’t care about them 😂.

You sound perfectly fine to me, OP.

I'm not on antidepressants and have a similar outlook. Most things ate not worth getting excited and dramatic about.

Reading some threads on here has me questioning my own laissez faire approach to life. I'm a senior manager and I take a similar approach to managing, too.

It's a whole let better than getting all het up about everything that happens in life.