To get seriously wound up when women of a "certain age" use the expression "This is MY time now"!

[UniversallyChallenged]

as though they have been forced to be wives and mothers for years. It's always accompanied by some totally selfish thing they want to do and a "Woah - get ME!" look

Totally understand people wanting a bit of "me" time now and again - but this expression is getting so common it's driving me MAD!

As you may be able to tell

Obviously, any martyr is going to be annoying, but that goes for male martyrs too. People who whinge about being in a boring job, or never developing their interests or whatever.

When it comes to watching an elderly woman enjoying herself though, I think it's one of the great pleasures in life. Quite a few of my MA students are elderly women who are fulfilling a dream- good for them! And they do good work too.

I have me time all the time

me as a mother
me in my job
me with dh
me with friends
me on my own (sometimes!)

No-one forces me
they are my choices!

I don't think it is selfish for people to want to spend some time on themselves. Women who say that, having been a wife and mother for years are by definition not selfish. They have devoted years to their children. Well, let's face it, I am thinking of myself. I have devoted years to my children and to supporting my husband. I was not forced into it - you are right there - it was my choice - but nevertheless, I have devoted years to my children and my husband with no thought to my own wants, and I can understand how people would feel that, having done that, they wanted to spend some time doing something that fulfills them in other ways.

I would agree with you if these people were saying they wanted to spend all their time on themselves, but few are saying that.

i think choice is the thing i spent two years as my dgs unpaid and unappreciated childminder while also trying to run a business from home

i am having him for the first time since on my owen for the day tomorrow and looking forward to it

as i was asked

i was given a weeks notice

and i am free

so i am excitedly thinking of things to do

so choice is what makes the difference

Oh poo I just wrote a brilliant and well-reasoned post and then pressed a button and lost it.

Short version - don't think universallychallenged is saying that people don't have the right to enjoy themselves, just that using motherhood and family life as a reason to be a bit self-centered isn't really fair. Very few people are forced to have children at gunpoint, and if you do, you accept that your life changes. If you don't want it to, don't have kids. You aren't making some big ol' sacrifice for the world, you are making a life choice, you can't have your cake and eat it. It's great when people enjoy themselves later on, am all for people enjoying themselves at every stage in life, but is very unfair if they imply they haven't been able to 'live' all those years with the kids and the hubby dragging them down.

I'm guessing, though, that you have young children?

I think when you have older children who do finally flee the nest that many women will heave a sigh of relief (as well as being sad, of course!). No longer do other peoples' needs take priority.

Just as a small example - how many times have you gone shopping to buy something for yourself, but come back inexplicably laden down with stuff for your children? That's not to say that it's not pleasurable shopping as well, but shows that the rest of the family is always on your agenda and can often take priority over you and your own needs.

For many women, especially older ones, the burden of child and family care (as well as the housework that goes with it) falls firmly on their shoulders, and it will have been like this for 20-25 years, depending on how many children/when they leave home.

So YABU as you aren't in their position.

Be pleased for your older female relatives/friends that they can now think about themselves a bit more!

Now if only they could get their husbands to leave as well ...

As a woman of a certain age I've been doing some reading around the changes that are starting to affect me. This is an excellent book;

www.amazon.co.uk/Wisdom-Menopause-Complete-Womens-Health/dp/0749927372/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&q id=1206524796&sr=1-12

"After she shares her personal story of "the change," Northrup delves into a significant discussion on how self-sacrifice catches up with women in midlife. Suddenly, hormones are directing women out of the care-giver role and into an inwardly focused assessment of life and its meaning, she explains. Resentments (not hormones) are what spur the notorious surges of anger, as women re-examine the agreements surrounding their relationships with colleagues, friends, and family members."

I'm lucky or selfish enough to have made the most important changes earlier in my life; I wish that this hadn't impacted negatively on my children's lives. Luckily they seem to have forgiven me and to understand.

I try to achieve a balance between supporting my children and doing the things that are important to DP and I. The reason I spend so much time with DGC is that I adore them and they make me really happy!!

Fair point becauseI'mworthit

Right then. Have had my 'me' time now, have to go and do some cleaning.....[sighs]

i don't know about 'me time' but i do feel that sometimes women, in particular, spend so many years being somesones daughter, wife, mother employee etc that they can lose sight of what makes them waht they are iyswim.

everyone needs to have some time to do something that really interests them otherwise i think you can become a fairly boring person, we need stimulation for the brain - ohh getting out of my depth now!!!

btw, i think i am a 'woman of a certain age', at last there is a world opening up to me, mainly because i now earn enough and my dd is old enough that my roles are not as 'full on' as they once were

am getting slightly scared now - EllieG are you my alterego??? Far more articulate and sying exactly what i mean

For the record - I think it's great when any age do things unexpectedly, whatever they may be. A close frind in her late 60s had my dds wideeyed when we popped in last week and there she was downloading photos off her digital camera onto her laptop, they were . They were "well impressed!" She has taken a course and I know so many doing things like this - not trumpeting/justifying it (no one should have to)

Also makes me a bit for any children to hear their parent use this expression - how does that make them feel about how their parent felt during their childhood?

Well, you see, I think it is positively good for children to hear and see their mother taking some "me time". It helps the child to realise that their mother is not just someone put on this earth to attend to their needs, but is someone with interests and friends and a personality and a brain in their own right. It also helps the child to gain some independence of their own which is much needed if the next generation is to take its place at the forefront of society.

I love my children beyond anything else I could ever experience, and I have willingly devoted 12 years so far solely to their upbringing, but it does mean that other aspects of who I am have been put to one side. Now my youngest is in full-time education and I am beginning to be able to follow other pursuits other than full-time childcare and housekeeping, and it not only makes me a happier woman and therefore a more patient and better tempered mother, but it also shows my children that there are whole areas of my life they knew nothing about which in turn enhances family life.

UC - why on earth would you be surprised at a 60-something person using a digital camera/PC???!!!

Are you sure there's not an underlying fear in your posts about what happens to us as we get old?

There is something to look forward to with age, and our lives don't have to revolve around other people all the time - even if it is hugely enjoyable/satisfying.

the more things i do the more my kids like it

they boast to their friends about stuff i do

i have had loads of problems and they admire me for surviving and now it makes them happy to see me doing stuff

we also talk to each other as equals and discuss films and go and see them together if it's something we want to see

not just because they feel they have to entertain me

oh and we wear each others clothes too barf

well not ds obvs

I dunno, I just think, ooh there's a chink of light at the end of the tunnel!!

I don't mind really. I know I chose motherhood, but it is the only job with no pay, no promotion, no holiday, no bonus, no salary, no health insurance...

So, tbh, I'm bloody looking forward to my 'me time'. It won't be for a while though.

Some time, in about 10 years, I hope to be able to think clearly again about having a life that isn't all bound up in looking after other people..So no, that phrase gives me HOPE!!!

Sorry [shame]

What Madame said.

Actually, we should re-visit this thread when we have all reached 'that certain age' and see how we think then ...

The only thing that winds me up is people being so wound up with things that really don't matter!

Are you stamping your foot because your mother is no longer at your beck and call, UC?

What are these 'totally selfish' things that women do when they no longer have family obligations?

I think a lot of women genuinely do subjugate their own wants and needs as a wife and mother - mine did, willingly, as it happens, and I think it is fine if they do some catching up and explore other routes to fulfillment.

And however much we moan on and on about how hard it is to be a sahm / wohm, bit by bit, each generation of women ha more choices and more flexibility than the last.

I say - go for it, those women, whatever age.

And is it not bad enough that niggling and friction between sahm / wohm women of child-rearing age is almost constant, but now we have to snipe at women of other generations?

I am so proud of my mum. Three kids before the age of 25, living in a very isolated area, a stay at home mum until she started a university degree in her early thirties. Then a career she loves.

When she retires next year I am hoping she does have her time to go and do whatever she wants - travel, garden, see friends, meet new people.

I found that when I was pg, that age of women were either very supportive, or would sit on the last bus/tube seat and glare at me in challenge.

I definately heard comments like "Well, I had to do it..." Obviously these are women who were very unsupported when they were having kids, and they are passing the favour along!

YABU. Women "of a certain age" were not forced to marry or have children but it was EXPECTED. They often didn't have the educational or career opportunities that of we had/have. Up until about 1980 single women would never have got a loan or a mortgage.

I am enjoying this stage in my life but when the children have grown up then I intend to keep on enjoying myself. I certainly do not intend to hark back to the baby years as "the best days my life".

Women 'of a certain' age did not have the maternity or government benefits we have.

Waffletrees what age group are you talking about?

My mum is 60 and she wasn't expected to do anything.

actually i do feel slightly selfish that i spent easter with my boyfriend and didnt see my kids or my dgs tho they all saw each other so i am not too depserately guilty

im sure the easter egg quotient was high enioug na di was around just not very iobviously available lol

it has taken me a long time to get to this point i am not going to spend a lot of time feeling guilty

they know where i am most of the time