Mother records conversations without us knowing

[RingInTheNew]

The last couple of times that my mother has come to stay with us, I have caught her using her phone to record things going on in our house. The first was when our DD was having a strop about something and being generally grumpy, and the second was when my husband and I were having a very minor spat about something (how the dishwasher was stacked!) She is generally a good mum but she likes criticising other people and I reckon she’ll be sharing the videos with her husband / listening back to them later (for what reason I have no idea).

The first time, I caught her and told her you can’t record someone without their consent. The second time I saw what she’d done but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want confrontation. I just think it’s so weird.

Should I just leave her to it and write it off as eccentric behaviour? AIBU? What would you do?

Well, if you leave her to it she is going to carry on. Personally, I would be very unhappy with this and would bar her from the house if it continued.

Stop having her to stay. It's a major invasion of privacy especially for your dd who I assume is still a child.

Is she a loving mum at all to you? Do you love her?

Literally this. She’s recorded DD too… you may not mind yourself being recorded but DD hasn’t consented either and it’s your duty to protect her privacy as her parent.
She wouldn’t even get to cross the threshold if she was my mother.

Wow. That’s very strange behaviour. I wouldn’t be having her back. What did she say when you challenged her?

She's not doing it without you knowing, you've caught her. I would be zero tolerance on this & would tell her straight.

Wow. It’s increasingly rare that I don’t have the most batshit mum in the room, but you’ve managed it, OP. I think the only thing you can do is inadvertently allow her to record you talking about the massive invasion of privacy and how you’ll have no choice but to ban her from the house if she carries on.

She is loving, in that she tells me she loves me and hugs me - says I’m a great mother etc. She has admitted she hasn’t always been the best mother. I think she has regrets. I also think there’s not much going on in her life so she looks elsewhere for her drama fix.

She denied it.

It really is totally unacceptable behaviour. If this was your DH everyone would be telling you to LTB.

She either stops or doesn’t visit again.

I wouldn't like that at all - I would ask her to stop and tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home which isn't acceptable.

I think that you’re storing an argument for a future date. Your dd may be furious with you when her grandmother tells her that you knew that she recorded her during moments that she’d rather forget.

No way. I would tell her if she records you again covertly then she can’t stay over anymore or come over.

Tell her to keep her phone in sight on a table.

Recording your dd for her dh.... Dodgy...

She'd be getting a flea in her ear after pulling that trick.

Unacceptable and she needs to know that it is.

I wouldnt be spending any time with someone who was recording me, that's not normal.al behaviour

She would not be allowed into my home if she violated my family that way. When she denied it, I would demand to see her phone to prove it, or leave. This really crosses a line for me.

Did she let you look in her phone to check when she denied it?
She would not be coming back into my house. What if she is uploading it somewhere?

No, she wouldn’t let me look. But I saw her pressing the ‘end’ button on the video. The second time, she was next to me and she opened her phone and it was on video, and I could tell she had just finished recording.

Then you say “Grand so, you won’t mind if I check your phone then?” With your hand out waiting for her to hand over her phone.

I would then ask her very plainly why she feels the need to do any kind of recording, is her memory going? Are there other reasons?

I would start having increasingly weird arguments on purpose. Pretend your DH has become an avid flat earther and debate at length in her company.

You sound very passive considering your mum is recording your DD, presumably to share with others. What does your husband think? If you're unable to tackle because it's your mum then it may be best if he does, so that it doesn't continue. It's a terrible invasion of privacy, and its not normal behaviour either. Whats your stance on children being video recorded without their consent by the way?

You need to write a play.
Get everyone to act their part and she can record it.

😂

Yes, I know it sounds like that. I did tackle her on it the first time and went on about it being illegal and she didn’t put up a defence because she knew I’d found her out. She had her phone on the table and was recording the conversation covertly - she didn’t video but did record. My stance is that nobody should be recorded without consent, which is why I feel put out. But thinking about it, I think she would only keep videos for herself as I reckon she would know other people would tell her off for doing it.