My boyfriend of a year wants to fly to another state to visit his two female friends at college

[YourCoolCyanPeer]

Don’t get me wrong, I completely trust my bf and I know nothing is going to happen between them. I’m completely fine with him hanging out with his female friends when they’re all home from school and stuff, I just think buying a plane ticket and flying out just to see two girls is a little bit extreme. I told him I felt a bit weird about it and he got upset and said he doesn’t wanna see his friends only over breaks and stuff. He doesn’t fly out to see any of his guy friends at college, so why is he flying out for them? Again, this isn’t about trust, I genuinely just thinks it’s kinda weird. Am I being unreasonable?

Mumsnet is popular all over the world. I'm jot in the UK either.

I think it's seen as a good forum for relationahip/family/friends advice.

It's a good forum for women. Parenting is just one part of this site

*I'm not in the UK either.

Agree. Can you go together? Or could both of you have a holiday somewhere else?

Mumsnet has become a teen dating advice forum? Weird.

I don't think she's a teenager? Sounds early twenties. And there a lot of people in their twenties on here

don't think she's a teenager? Sounds early twenties. And there a lot of people in their twenties on here

Well OPs boyfriend is at college so most likely aged 18-22, I'm assuming OP is a similar age.

I honestly wouldn't be happy with what the ops boyfriend is doing.

But I've never been able to have a conversation with a boyfriend about it, where he didn't call me crazy and then wear me down till I gave in.

This included my boyfriend who cheated on me with said female friend. :).

I'd rather be single :)

You keep insisting this isn't a trust issue, but everything you say suggests it very much is.

Would any of us like our boyfriends flying to see two female friends?

I actually work with a married man who went on HOLIDAY with two female friends. I think his wife is a total mug for allowing that.

I've seen this same married man on nights out. When his wife is not with him, he flirts and gropes every woman there.

I’m so sorry that happened. I’m honestly not worried about cheating, I just find it weird. Him and his friends would think it was weird if I came along and I honestly don’t think it’s my place to intrude on his friend group.

I feel like it’s not my place to join him on this trip since i don’t wanna intrude on his friend group. We also have never been on a holiday together and we planned for one this summer but he had work conflicts so it didn’t work out. I think it has a lot to do with jealousy on my end.

No I would admit if it were a trust thing. I think I am just a very insecure and jealous person and I get jealous that he puts more effort into other females, which I know is unreasonable. I WANT to be okay with it because I know I’m being too jealous but I just don’t know how to be.

It’s important to have and maintain friendships.

As you implicitly trust him, it means you are trying to control him. If I was your boyfriend I would see this as a big red flag.

@YourCoolCyanPeer well
Stop being insecure and jealous, not good traits!

I completely disagree. I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend took a flight to see two female friends without me.

And op sees it as she can't go as she is intruding on their friend group. How can a girlfriend intrude on a friend group?

I had one boyfriend that had lots of female friends from school/college. Any time that he saw them, he invited me aswell. I got on with them all.

Not inviting you along seems strange to me

This really depends on how emotionally deep your relationship is.
Are you ' exclusive'.?
Are you reading more into the relationship than there is????
No its not ' weird'.

I just think that youve got more of a claim on him than he has of you.
Maybe hes looking for a way out, to draw a line under it.
Poor You.
I would be hurt - unless youre just mates???
This situation Could you become ' HOT and COLD'
How frustrating, I should remove his options now.
If you continue, he might start stringing you along - for years.
You have started to feel confused - and gaslighted. RED FLAG !!!!!

She doesn’t know these other two women, she won’t know the people they know, have any past history with the group, will need to have old jokes and references explained, and the boyfriend will have to keep checking she’s enjoying herself/not feeling left out etc. Much less fun for both the boyfriend and his two friends. There have been endless threads on here complaining about someone inviting someone the others don’t know and spoiling the dynamic. The others just want some straightforward fun. If it’s a serious relationship, everyone will meet eventually.

But nobody knows people until they are introduced.

He can introduce her to them.

My boyfriend introduced me to his female friends as soon as he could. He very very rarely socialised with them, without inviting me along. Sometimes I said no. But i was always invited.

But presumably they weren’t a flight away in another state?

That would change the whole dynamic of the visit tho?

One time I was in Canada with my boyfriend and we drove down to the USA together to see a female friend of his!

Also I met a male friend when I was volunteering in spain.

The next time I was back in Spain I asked him would he like to catch up over dinner. He said yes and he brought his new girlfriend with him. I got on really well with her. He never would have met me alone without his girlfriend

Not sure if this changes anything, but I found out today that he is planning on staying in their dorm room the whole trip. Not a hotel? Him sleeping/staying in a room with two girls seems a bit weird to me idk.

They are home right now and so is my boyfriend. He hung out with them tonight and got ice cream and said it would be weird if he asked them if I could come. I had to ask him if I could come just to get to know them and he was so hesitant but then let me tag along and it was fine.

@YourCoolCyanPeer so you've met them for the second time now?