Mum, dad and three kids in one bedroom apartment overcrowded? Your thoughts?

[Leah5678]

Just out of curiosity but what with the current high prices of buying a house and renting and the long council waiting lists. How crowded is your home (number of bedrooms, children etc)

I know the average mumsnetter is wealthier than the average person but I also know a lot of you lovely ladies on here do a lot of work helping the less fortunate. Do you find overcrowding like three children in a one bed to be quite common or is it rare?

Ps I do not have three children so no personal attacks lol

Sorry to be blunt but you can't afford more children at the moment. 5 people in a one bed sounds like hell.

My cleaner lives with 3 children in one room - she finds it awful. Her daughter has started puberty and is sharing with her teen brothers which is less than ideal. Her house smells a lot - 5 people in a small space its bound to. Sorry but I think what you are suggesting is less than ideal and I would stop at 1 child - you already only have the kitchen as the only social space if you are sleeping in the lounge

1. previous generations had many more kids in small houses - it was the way it worked. And with people’s finances dropping left right and centre, it will be the way we live again. No one will be able to afford this new “ideal”
2. funny you say the council would see it as overcrowding yet they plonk people into this situation and worse all the time - small, damp, mouldy places not fit for purpose yet feel the right to be on their high horse about “overcrowding”
3. op, have a child if you want but don’t ask people’s opinions - waste of time and emotion. It’s your life

We have four of us in a five bed so plenty of space (we need two home offices) however until recently we were in a three bed and the 2 kids shared which was fine.

We have 3 kids sharing one bedroom but it's not a 1 bed apartment. Yes of course it's not ideal but there you go. We private rent. In theory would have been eligible for a council house but there's very few 4 beds out there. Plenty of ways to make a three bed suitable for three kids. If you own it that is. If you rent and have more than two kids you will always be limited in re configuration of the house. Whos fault is it that we have 3 kids in one room? Ours 100% luckily we also own a house which we rent out so have options not to share if it got the point of not working for us.

If you're planning on having two babies in close succession, you're either hitting the maternity leave hard or not working. Neither great for saving for a house.

Either save up and move then try for kids, or rent somewhere bigger the. Keep saving

I knew of 3 girls who shared one bedroom. 3 bedder. Parents in one room, only son (youngest I think) got room to himself, girls shared. I always thought it (unfairly) encouraged the girls to move out of home young (which they did).

I am a landlord and used to rent out a 2-bed flat where it got ever more overcrowded. I contacted the Council to check and was told it was statutory overcrowding and that I had to sort it out.

You can do what you like in your own house, I think but there are a lot of regulation on renting now. Even more so in Scotland or Wales.

I have 3 children and am £ secure

We lived in a 2 bed flat when dc 1 was born and I would happily have lived there if only 1 dc....

However after covid and wfh posture and of course 3 dc my views have shifted.

I would not have more children in your position. 2 bed fine. 1 bed no.

Also what about some outside space? We had a deck in our 2 bed so dc1 pottered with water and buckets on hot days here in London

I really think 1 bed u r compromising your mental health with more than 1

I don't think I know anyone in this situation although I know many hundreds of thousands of families are. I have a friend with 3 boys and they lived in a 2 bedroom house. The 3 boys shared a room even as teenagers. I always felt it must have been tough on them

Unless something bad happened I’d say having many children while living in a 1 bed was reckless and selfish frankly.

I would think it will feel very over crowded.

2 kids, 1 bedroom is fine, lots of people (inc me for most my childhood) do. But if the parents are in the living room things are getting tight, especially as they get older with no where to go. 3 kids 2 parents in a 1 bed flat IMO is madness

You say it's only the space you can't afford, when then why not save like mad and boost that deposit to buy. Having more children will keep you in the small apt not get you out of it. You will be on maternity leave for the best part of a year then paying nursery fees.

If where you are is very expensive can you relocate?

For years I worked with teenage mums who often lived in 2/3 bed homes with parents, multiple siblings & their own child/ren

My sister is friends with a lady who lives with her husband & 8 children in a 3 bed flat that they own.

In answer to your question about how large families in your area afford better housing than you, they will have better-paid jobs to be blunt. How much do you and your partner earn and what do you do? Some people will have inheritance from parents or be living in a house which they bought years ago and have extended more recently but generally they are just earning enough to live in a property of that size.

Unfortunately relocation isn't an option for multiple reasons including my partners work.
It is possible for us to save and move somewhere bigger but it will take years, council waiting list is also years and private rentals have become crazy expensive here in the last five years.
A few people I know have been working their butts off for years to get a home only to find out they left it biologically too late and now can't have children. Hearing those stories is what's been freaking me out tbh.
Ever since I was a little girl I've always wanted to have two or three kids
Anyone relate?

How old are you @Leah5678 ? Just wondering if you need to panic yet or if you have some time to start saving like mad before having a 2nd baby. But you are not wrong in worrying about your fertility as you get older. My daughter at age 39 had one baby - but in spite of trying for another, was unsuccessful ( several miscarriages when the fertilised eggs failed to develop into a foetus) and it has stressed her out not having a second one

My father in law shared the same bed with his 3 brothers as a child (late 50's). I think children having their own bedroom is very much a luxury. My single friend sleeps on a sofa bed in her lounge so her 2 teenagers can have their own room's! (2 bed house).

I think that must be really rare, I don't know if anyone in that situation. It sounds miserable and I think sticking with one is the best plan. We have one child and we're in a two bedroom flat in London and that already feels really small.

It is really easy as a kid to plan family sizes to any number you fancy.
As an adult, adult choices have to be made. This includes not having far more children than you can house.
If this was important enough to your partner they would find a different job and move to a much cheaper area.
The fact that this isn't even a consideration is important.

I grew up sharing an uninsulated loft with two sisters. My parents shared a bedroom with the youngest child. Our brother had a second bedroom. I hated having no privacy. I hated 7 of us sharing one bathroom. I left home as soon as I could.

I had my only child in my 40s, having chosen to buy a house and pay down my mortgage first. I didn't want ds growing up in poverty so it was a conscious decision.

Housing is even more expensive now. And over-crowding puts a horrendous strain on families. It really isn't worth it if you can avoid it.

My neighbours have 2 children and two bedrooms. They put up a stud wall in the larger bedroom to give each child a room around 4ft by 7ft as they have 1 boy and 1 girl.

Another friend had a 1 bed flat which was fine when it was just her and again when it was her and her DH. They then went on to have two boys so they turned the sitting room into a second bedroom and put a sofa in the kitchen. They two boys shared for around five years before they could afford to move.

My sisters two and another friends two girls also share a bedroom as both are in two bed properties. My sister won’t move because she likes the school she is in catchment for (Scotland) and my friend is in a council property and with two children they are not considered overcrowded.

My final one is an acquaintance and her DH and there are 8 of them in a three bedroom house. Mum and dad are in the living room with the youngest, the only girl has her own room and there are two boys in each of the other rooms. They are on the waiting list for a bigger council house but larger houses don’t often become available.

You do what you have to do with the budget you got and give anyone who is judging you a cold shoulder.

This sounds like an absolute nightmare for everyone involved. If you can't afford a bigger house now, what will you do when you have more kids and less money to move, and 3 teenagers (possibly different sexes) sharing a bedroom together?
I can't fathom why you would consider putting yourselves in this situation

How old are you OP?

One of the mums I've got friendly with at the school gates has 5 children and a partner, in a 2 bed terrace.
Boy 14, boy 12, girl 11, girl 8, boy 4.
The large main bedroom has been split with a kallax unit, so has the 2 eldest boys on the larger side, 4yo boy on the other. The 2 girls share the smaller bedroom.
Mum and dad sleep on a pull out sofa bed in the lounge.

When I say her house is IMMACULATE I mean it, it is beautiful, and always tidy. She is extremely organised when it comes to giving away toys and clothes outgrown. Very clever storage solutions. She also runs a small craft business from home, DP works full time. They just can't afford to move.

I admire her, but it must be such a struggle for them, especially as the kids are getting older and need own space.