Mum, dad and three kids in one bedroom apartment overcrowded? Your thoughts?

[Leah5678]

Just out of curiosity but what with the current high prices of buying a house and renting and the long council waiting lists. How crowded is your home (number of bedrooms, children etc)

I know the average mumsnetter is wealthier than the average person but I also know a lot of you lovely ladies on here do a lot of work helping the less fortunate. Do you find overcrowding like three children in a one bed to be quite common or is it rare?

Ps I do not have three children so no personal attacks lol

3 bedroom house, me and DH and 3 boys. All 3 boys share one room and obviously DH and I share a room and the other bedroom is our study / library as DH home educates. We have a fairly decent sized house with good sized rooms with lounge, dining room and utility so the bedrooms are purely for sleeping in.

In your situation I would be looking to move to at least get one extra room, more kids = more stuff and more bodies in the house.

We lived in a 2 bed flat when the eldest 2 were toddlers and it was really cramped, we were tripping over stuff.

What do you think of mum and and dad sleeping in the lounge with two or three children in the bedroom? We only have one child at the moment and can't afford to move somewhere bigger

This makes zero sense. Surely you would see that anyone in this situation would likely arrive at it through misfortune AFTER having kids. Say, after having kids, one parent became disabled and the other their carer, and they lost two high incomes and went to disability benefits for example. People don’t actively plan to be overcrowded. Personal responsibility would dictate you don’t have more kids than you could house without overcrowding. In the living scenario you describe, and the fact you already have one child, means responsibly you wouldn’t have more than one child so as not to deliberately place children in an overcrowded situation. Is that not common sense to you?

My kids cousins live in a 2 bed HA flat, mum and dad in one room, 4 girls in the other (age ranging from 26 now down to 14) and one boy (adult now) in the living room on a sofa bed. I know they’ve all massively struggled with space and quiet for studying but are all very close and they always make you feel welcome. DD sleeps there too sometimes in the holidays, she doesn’t stay more than a few nights as she’s used to her own space. In my own place I give my son my room in the Uni holidays as I’m renting a 2 bed flat whilst I save a bit more towards buying my own place. It’s a big flat so doesn’t feel over crowded thankfully. DS has his own room at his dads but prefers to stay with me, his sister and mostly the dog

I have a six year old, if I have another child I will have another straight after so they're close in age. I had a great bond with my sibling when I was a child and have always felt like my eldest is missing out.
I'm working on saving up so I can buy somewhere bigger before than but it's slow going and starting to get me a little down that it may never happen if I'm honest

Growing up I was friends with a girl who had 6 siblings all living at home with their Mum in a 3 bed house. It was a tiny 3 bed though, all the rooms were small. The house always felt packed and chaotic. But they didn’t seem to have any issues with bullying or people making comments- though that could have more to do with them all being very outgoing and good looking!

Kids sharing a bedroom is quite normal (within reason of number of kids and space)

Anyone having to sleep in the living room due to not enough bedrooms sounds like they had more kids than they could afford/house properly.

That's how I grew up and we were fine. My parenta had really good quality pull out sofa bed and they made sure there was something seperating my DBs and my sides of room - wardrobes which then had a double purpose. Smart storage was great and while it wasn't perfect, many of my friends grew up like that and we all grew up into functional adults

I don’t think your child would be bullied for that but I also don’t think it’s a wise decision to create that situation for yourself. It would be bad for your health (if you’re on a sofa bed) and family dynamics, and it’s obviously not sustainable long term if you have kids of different sexes.

I work in housing. That's overcrowding.

If you were planning to move in the next few years, and had good reason to believe you could, less so. But planning to have three in one bed with no living space means planning to have tweens and teens of opposite sexes sharing with no privacy or space. That's really unfair on the children, sorry.

I see you have a six year oldso like 7+ years difference? That will be well annoying for the older one

I don't know about now, but when I was young there were several families in the road in two bedroom houses with four or more children of mixed sexes. I think they had boys in one bedroom girls in the other bedroom and parents sleeping in the tiny only living room.

What do you think of mum and and dad sleeping in the lounge with two or three children in the bedroom?

Sounds cramped and miserable.

We used to live in a 2 bed, 1 reception room house with two dc. Dc shared and it was fine.

We had dc3 after a 7 year gap. He was in with us for 6 months and then he shared with dc1 and 2 for just under a year until we moved.

That first 18 months of 3 dc (one a baby/toddler) in a tiny two bed was bloody awful. We didn't have room to swing a cat, nowhere near enough storage for the pram and all the other baby stuff. Even though the 3 dc shared the largest room and we had one set of bunks, it still felt crammed with stuff and cramped.

We only coped as well as we did because we knew it was only temporary.

Now a few years later, dc1 and 2 are hulking 6 foot teens and I'm even more glad that we're not stuck in a v small 2 bed. If we'd been in a 1 bed...christ I can't even imagine.

No need to say sorry I appreciate the honesty and I probably won't go ahead with TTC until I can afford somewhere bigger, I made the post to gauge whether it was common because I see loads of big families and wonder how the hell they afford a big enough home where I live.

Honestly, I would be focusing on saving to move so that you and your child both have bedrooms before you considered another child. It would be really unfair on your existing child to plan another in your situation. If your child only has their room and there isn't even a communal family area because it's your bedroom, they are already confined to one room and expecting them to then share that and purposely overcrowding yourself is crazy in my opinion.

There is nothing wrong with being an only child

It's not so bad when children are little but teens are another kettle of fish. I live in an old rambling house that has four bedrooms upstairs but downstairs there's a kitchen, boot room, shower room pantry/utility, sitting room and two studies that could easily be bedrooms. I have four dc which are all adults or late teens and still living at home and everyone having their own space really helps keep the peace.

You keep saying I but there is two of you workimg on affording something. Or are you a single paremt currently?

It sounds awful. What kind of life is that long term for your children or you and your partner. I don't know anyone living in this kind of set up, 2 children sharing a bedroom, fairly common but not 3 and not mum and dad being without a bedroom at all. Honestly I wouldn't have kids if that's the life I had to offer them

I would call anything more than 3 kids sharing a bedroom crowded (so 2 bedroom house for family of 5), also depending on age of kids

Yes, it is overcrowding. You'd be very irresponsible to do it intentionally.

I'm not single no.

Even if you do go on to have more kids I doubt you'll get rehousing I mean where will they put you? There is no where afaik otherwise we wouldn't HAVE overcrowding

Currently in a 2 bed flat with 2 kids sharing, I’m a single mum on benefits and if the situation hasn’t changed when my oldest gets to 12 i’ll be sleeping in the living room and separating them, they get on great but I shared my whole life and would have killed for my own space as a teen so i’ll make sure they have that option.

We're saving up for a mortgage, council waiting lists around here are about ten years we've been told so that route was long given up on.

I'm curious as to how so many people can afford bigger places? Any tips let me know

Two adults,three children, one bedroom is madness

More like a youth hostel rather than a home