Mum, dad and three kids in one bedroom apartment overcrowded? Your thoughts?

[Leah5678]

Just out of curiosity but what with the current high prices of buying a house and renting and the long council waiting lists. How crowded is your home (number of bedrooms, children etc)

I know the average mumsnetter is wealthier than the average person but I also know a lot of you lovely ladies on here do a lot of work helping the less fortunate. Do you find overcrowding like three children in a one bed to be quite common or is it rare?

Ps I do not have three children so no personal attacks lol

I’m also in London - fairly common here. Usually only two kids though (you would qualify for rehousing if you have 3 children over the age of 10 in council accommodation).

https://www.lambeth.gov.uk/housing/private-tenants/overcrowding

Indeed. And as the children grow, the lack of personal/private space will become awful for all concerned. I grew up in a tiny, 2 bedroom house and had 2 brothers (one 3 years older, one 9 years younger). I shared first with the older one, then the younger one until I was 16. I had NO privacy (my younger brother, the father of young adult daughters, gets how bad this was for me) and absolutely nowhere to work.

It had a massive impact on my exam results at 16. Getting my own bedroom just after that was amazing and the ensuing difference for me showed in excellent A level results.

I think it sounds miserable OP and if you have two more children close together will you ever really afford to save up for somewhere bigger?

I honestly think it would be really selfish to deliberately do this to children and crazy to put yourselves in that position.

Why are you planning to have two more children whilst continuing to live in a one bed apartment?
It’s madness.

I think that would indicate a standard of living below what’s normal in western countries.

Kids needs more space and privacy as they get older. When they are teens they want friends round etc and you also want to have space.
To have parents sleeping in the lounge is really going to inhibit your kids.

You need to move yes.

I guess they have a higher income or live in a cheaper area. Can you relocate? Live somewhere cheaper? That’s my only hope of getting a bigger place and having some bedrooms in which my kids can stay (they will all be over 18 by the time I can move to cheaper area).

It's probably not that uncommon, I know a family that live 3 kids and parents in one room flat, that is through choice as they are from overseas and say they can't afford anything else but they are also crunchy/hippie and big on co-sleeping. I have never seen a problem with it personally, family are all close and happy. I also know a family with 6 kids in a 2 bed house. They seem to make it work and don't complain. I have one of my children in the dining room.

What do you mean you're curious to know how people afford bigger places? Isn't that obvious?

1. They have more income (either higher wages or via inheritances or private incomes like trusts)

2. Lower outgoings - more money available for rent/mortgage than you by having lower outgoings in other areas (no car/holiday/gym membership/school fees/luxury items)

3. Help from family to make the next step.

4. Choose a property in a cheaper area. More sqft for your money.

It's usually 1 or a combo of the above.

If you’re having trouble saving for a deposit now, op, how do you think you’ll do it with two extra children? 🤔

I think with 3DC you need a a 3 bed, one bedroom for the parents, a bedroom for the girls and a bedroom for the boys (if all same sex the oldest gets their own room). Younger children of different sexes can share, we had our 3 all in the same room when they were little because they liked being together (we have small age gaps), even though we had another bedroom. We have a 4 bed now but our teenage daughters still share, the fourth bedroom is a guest room and my office. The girls grumble sometimes but generally I think it's good for their relationship to share.

In your situation I'd definitely not have another child until I had a home with 3 bedrooms, I think even if you got pregnant now it would be hard to share with a 7y gap. Sorry.

OP lots of people have help from family. And most don't advertise that fact.

We have 3 dc in a two-bed. All girls, and they share one room. Worked fine.

A friend had two DC in a one-bed. Parents and DC shared the bedroom. They eventually moved to a cheaper part of the country where they could afford a house.

I used to work as a social researcher visiting people's homes in really deprived areas. There was so much overcrowding. Like families of 10 in a 2 bedroom. It had a really bad impact on the kids schooling as they have nowhere private to study. Also higher instances of TB. It's very depressing. There is very little social housing stock with 4 plus bedrooms.

Then you get older folks, retirees who live in large homes just two of them, but these tend to be home owners in more affluent areas I found.

Me personally, there's 3 of us in a 3 bed. (2 reception rooms though, but only 1 bathroom)

I really hope the government build plenty more social housing.

@Leah5678 my head will probably roll for this but why do people keep having kids when they dont have enough room for them????

OP is there a reason you've picked that arrangement? 3x kids, mum, dad and a 1bed appt. Was it suggested in an article that it is common?

Growing up, my four brothers all had to share one bedroom, they survived obviously but they weren't happy about it, they were always embarrassed to bring friends home and always got on each others' nerves. The "middle" one especially struggled.

Your setup wouldn't be considered over crowding if you had a second child of the same sex as your first, and even if you had different sex children it wouldn't be considered over crowding for several years. But I'd be cautious about your plan, you would definitely want to move to a two bed at least.

“Survival” should be the very least we want for our kids, surely?
Your bar should be so much higher than that 🤔

I'm in a 2 bedroom HA property, me and one DS.

I simply wouldn't have had 3 children if I only had a 1 bedroom place. It's selfish.

We are 3 in a 3 double bed house. DH and I have our own rooms, as does DD.

I don’t personally know anyone overcrowded. But we don’t live in a densely populated area. 3/4 bed homes still a reasonable price.

It sounds really stressful and horrific tbh OP. It doesn’t sounds like it would be good life choices to have more kids in this situation.

could you relocate to a different area to help you to afford a bit more space? Sometimes just a few miles can really help with prices?

We have 4 kids and 5 double bedrooms. Teenagers are horrible enough without them being piled in like sardines. Multiple bathrooms also essential imo.

I grew up in similar conditions. Family of 6 in a (host of) one beds.

No privacy, nowhere to study, no 1:1 time (mum with dad or a parent with one of us), no quiet, couldn’t have friends over especially not for sleepovers, huge stigma!

If you have a choice and it’s not because your circumstances have changed etc then please think really hard about doing this. It’s selfish.

I love my family but we have a very different and difficult relationship and it’s had an effect on how we form relationships outside of the family (my friends, boyfriends, husband, children etc).

It's not common - no. But it's not unheard of either. I know someone who did this with 2 kids and 2 bedrooms - and the parents slept on a sofa bed in the living room

But you only have ONE bedroom - so sooner or later even with one child you would need to sleep in the living room yourselves. You could get away with 2 children of the same sex in the bedroom, but if you end up with one of each, you would end up needing somewhere else, which if you don't think you'll ever be able to move, would be a problem. Plus a one bedroom place doesn't have a lot of storage space, since they are designed for single people or couples without kids.

I'd say it's overcrowded, unless the flat has a large kitchen-diner that can be used as a living room, so parents can sleep in the living room, and kids in the bedroom.

My late DP was one of 4 kids and they all grew up in a 2-bed council house. His DF built a partition wall across the bigger bedroom, so the 2 boys were in a separate room from the girls, although they had to go through the girls' room to get to it, and it was so tiny that there was barely room for bunk beds and a chest of drawers.

He and his brother hated it. There was nowhere to do their homework apart from on the dining table, and it all had to be cleared away when they had dinner. They had hardly any space to put their stuff and very little privacy.