I wish just I'd been honest...

[busy45bee]

Context: I'm a vegetarian. I offer to bring a dish to dinner if I'm invited.

On Sunday we were invited to SIL's house. They are big on their meat dishes and I did my usual of offering to bring something veggie. They said 'no all good!' so we took that as food would be provided.

We arrive and BIL's mum (SIL's MIL) has come along and done some of the cooking. She's made me a salad...with bacon lardons. She said 'I hope that's ok, it's just on top' and instead of saying anything I nodded and thought how the heck am I going to get out of this one.

I had salad wrapped in a napkin in my handbag. I stealthily dropped it in there as I reached to scratch my ankle. I flicked bacon on the floor in the hope that the dog would eat it when no one was looking but that was hard as there were 9 people around the table.

I told my DH that it was amazing and he must try some. He gobbled it up. My MIL realised what was happening and decided to be part of the bacon smuggling. She made a big fuss about how delicious it looked and practically swiped it off my plate which was just too theatrical.

Now we look like weirdos who go crazy for bacon salad. I'm worried it's going to become a staple at family gatherings and I don't know how to get out of a perpetual bacon cycle.

I mean @Wendysfriend .Surely it's not that funny.

MIL realised what was happening and decided to be part of the bacon smuggling. She made a big fuss about how delicious it looked and practically swiped it off my plate which was just too theatrical.

This is so sweet 😂 I'm afraid you now have no other option but to ostentatiously kill Other MIL and SIL, then yourself, while videoing yourself screaming "BACON IS NOT A VEGETABLE!"

RIP, OP.

FYI my DH is unimpressed too...as soon as we got in the car he said 'why did you not just say no?!'

I'm going to have to own up!

Seriously, why did you say it was fine? Even if you flicked off the pieces there’s still bacon juice everywhere on that salad.

If you really can't tell her, maybe just make sure BIL/SIL get to hear that you were very unwell and think it's because your stomach isn't used to meat anymore. If she's really lovely though I think you can be honest and just say, I did something a bit mad because I didn't want to upset you and then tell her. This would go down a riot in my family, no one would think badly of you

If eating with them is a common event, which it sounds as if it is from your post, why on earth do they not know that you're a vegetarian?

In the 80's I'd get served odd things because people didn't get it (turkey soup every boxing day because it wasn't the turkey meat, just the soup made from the carcass🙄) - but is there really anyone in the UK these days that doesn't understand that vegetarians do not eat meat?
I make the occasional slip up with Vegan (honey, etc) - but surely no one is that unaware?

Out of interest do you cook meat or give them meat opinion when they come to yours?
My family are all vegetarian apart from myself and sons and although we cater for them, they don't do the same for us.

I'm confused. They give you things you don't or can't eat?

I was being sarcastic 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at you putting it in your handbag and your lovely MIL eating it to stop you having to.

I think I would confess to your SIL so you don't end up eating the vegetarian salad with lardons at all future gatherings .....

I work in event planning and we did genuinely, some years ago, have an issue with a venue at a weeklong event on the continent, who thought it would be okay to flavour vegetarian options with a bit of ham or bacon.

I don't think they served the actual meat, but obviously cooking a vegetarian meal in meat products is completely not vegetarian!

I couldn't have even eaten the salad if bacon had been on top of it so you did well to eat anything!! Definitely bring it up with SIL in a friendly way.

OP, if I were you I would just insist on bringing your own meal if you are faced with being in this position again. Make an excuse if you need to, but be firm.

If anyone is insistent, just ignore. I imagine there wouldn't be many opportunities for them to pressure them into it, and if push really comes to shove, just say "last time I said I would bring my own food as I am veggie, but the food I was given, while lovely, had meat in it which I can't eat."

In this day and age, I find it hard to believe people wouldn't know what being vegetarian means. It's possible this was an ideological thing, especially as the person who made it pointed out the meat was "just" on top - so they clearly knew you were meat free really.

Don't give them the opportunity to try and push your boundaries again.

Unless you are secretly a kimodo dragon you do not need meat in every meal.

I didn't eat any of it, just smuggled it in various ways!

It's possible their family don't 'get' my diet - as I said she is quite old and they are a 'meaty' family.

Maybe next time I should just bring a dish regardless of being told I don't need to! A large sharing dish just becomes part of the food for everyone

You realise everyone at the meal will now tell all their friends that vegetarians eat bacon, and will make bacon extravaganzas for you whenever you visit them 😂

But the dog will love you. Edited for typos

I suggest turning up in a big "Meat is Murder" t shirt next time

Aw I think you’re sweet. You didn’t want to offend her and you got yourself stuck trying to hide salad in your handbag because of it. The world is a nicer place for people like you and any of the grumps criticising you for not just standing your ground are clearly blessed with not having the over-thinker gene.

@Devonshiregal that's so kind!
You could say you thought it was vegetarian bacon?

I can see people or in your case the firm not considering vegetarian options properly. I meant how the OP is saying that she behaved.

Did you not have anything to eat at all then?

@Foxblue as a vegetarian I wouldn't be just removing the bacon & still eating it! 🤮. But the woman knew full well it was unsuitable as she said 'I hope that's ok' so I would have said 'sorry, no, it's not'

& then eaten other actually vegetarian bits or asked SIL if I could make a couple of slices or toast or pinch an apple or whatever. I'd happily go without though. But no, not picking the meat out & eating the rest.

@FootOnTheGas

whats your ethical objection to buying & cooking vegetables?

🙄🙄🙄

How old do you have to be to forget that bacon is meat .