To wonder why things take me so long/why I'm always late!

[PeRiO]

I know nobody can telepathically tell me the answer to this but I'm open to all ideas! Why do everyday things take me so long and why am I always late for things??
Examples, 5 yr old DC, I am late to school every day (not late as in signed in late but 5 mins past the time we should be there and always rushing last min to get in the gate before it closes) we do wake up fairly late most days but regardless of this I cannot get out of the house on time even though I prep everything night before. I prep lunches and do abit of washing up if needed when I get in from work, this can take me an hour! An hour to make sandwiches and wash up! DC might need my attention for something etc so I am distracted doing other bits here and there but still where does the hour go.
Putting DC to bed, we go up at 7 for bath and bed, so that's bath, teeth, story and sleep. Takes me until 8.30 most nights to get her in bed and then 15/20 mins to sleep which is far too late and I try so much to get her to bed earlier as it only impacts the morning as she sleeps late but I don't know why it takes me so long. I admit I am one for wasting time scrolling on my phone so I leave that downstairs sometimes but still I can't get things done quicker.
I am always late for things unless it's majorly important e.g hosp appointment etc, but even then I arrive exactly on time with no time to spare, I can't remember the last time I got somewhere early enough to have time to spare 🤣
Are other people like this, where does the time go??

Just me then 😂

All sounds pretty normal to me. I’m never on time for anything 🤷

Can't help I'm afraid but you sound like me!!!

I'm the same. I actually hate being early so try and arrive just in time but then you have no leeway for error.
The only way to be on time is to aim for 10/15 minutes before you need to be there.
I have started adding this extra margin to my calculations and it does help.

I'll get lynched but for me this was caused by undiagnosed ADHD.

Actually stuff still takes me longer than it should now I'm diagnosed and treated but I have a much better awareness now and can plan for it. I am not very often late any more.

Yep ADHD here too! Time blindness.

My DM was like you. All through my childhood I put it down to being a single mum with three kids. But it was upsetting sometimes. We either missed things completely (competition coaches leaving on time, trains) or would always be the last one there to parties etc which was embarrassing.

When we all left home she was still like it. If we were due to meet her or had to catch a train home or she picked us up, us kids made a pact to lie about the time and say it was 20 mins earlier than it was as we were fed up of standing around on the rain or cold and she hadn't even left the house yet.

Shes mildly better now but time still runs away with her. She has fewer deadlines or time sensitive things but every weekend she has big plans of stuff to do around the house and hardly gets any of it done as she doesn't get going til 2pm!

Thats more extreme than your OP, but I have a tip for you. If sandwiches prep and clean up is taking you an hour, set a stopwatch and keep it next to you checking it frequently. You'll speed up a bit each time as you try and beat your time, and see where you're faffing.

The hack I used before I was diagnosed was just to add 20 mins to every time based estimate I made - this is a good rule of thumb.

And then actually literally timing things. This is mind blowing because my natural estimation of how long things take is totally, ridiculously, and illogically out.

It doesn't make sense because I'm quite good at maths but I am absolutely useless at time. It's apparently a real studied thing "time blindness". (I always thought of it as "dyslexia but about time" - dyschronia??)

I think I always underestimate how long things take too!

I have a swirling ADHD time vortex at the bottom of my stairs that sucks me in and spits me back out again 30 minutes later.

This is very funny and describes a lot of the issues well.

https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/07/why-im-always-late.html

I’m like this too. I drive myself mad.

Difficult question! I am the opposite: overly organized and always early. I hate hate hate being late, it stresses me so much.
Your night time example is beyond your control so I don't think it should count!

For everything else, what I do is to work out the time I need to spend on every step, going backwards. It seems complex but it comes quite natural.

For instance, DS needs to be at school at 8,40am. First day of school we were too early and waited in the car. Second day we left a bit later but still too early and had to wait. On the third day it was spot on.
Now I know we need to leave at 8,20am. To be able to do that, my DS needs to wake up at around 7,45am and I need to be up at 7am.
After the alarm clock rings in the morning I automatically keep an eye that all the various steps are reached on time.
Does it make sense?

Also, if there is flexibility in the time you need to be somewhere/do something, I pick the earliest time as my goal. I.e. DS's school gates open at 8,40am and close at 8,50am. I aim at 8,40 am. If anything else happens beyond my control, I have a buffer.

You need to understand timings.

So how long does it take you to wash your face and clean your teeth, any idea at all? most won’t say ooh it’s exactly 3 minutes 22 seconds but they will have some idea and a grasp on time. You probably don’t.

Think about how you do things. The sandwiches and washing up taking an hour is crazy.

I’m quick because deep down I’m lazy and want time to me. Any what I call shitwork in other words anything in the domestic sphere is attacked because I would rather do something else. My MIL is very like you, she wafts about getting distracted.

You need to do what @BertieBotts has done to tackle it.

I am usually running late.....but I am very gradually getting better at not being late and judging the time a task will take. No idea why the time blindness is easing though.

Some of us just struggle with timing, I guess.

One thing that helped me was concentrating on doing a task from start to finish, and timing myself, so that I knew if I didn't let myself get distracted, it would only take me, say, 20 minutes to go from slobbing about in pyjamas, to showered, dressed, and ready to go. So could you time yourself doing the lunchbox, and then make sure you always do it within that timeframe - set yourself a timer and try to finish before it goes ping?

so maybe instead of approaching this as a single issue, just target getting better at one thing. Perhaps start with getting to school on time and commit yourself to simply not getting up late, maybe even just one day a week at first where you absolutely get up early, child up early and through school drop off on time and without stressing. Just start with one day, one thing.

It takes me so long to do things, I have posted what everyone before me already said. 😂

Story of my life I’m always rushing and running late!! I’ve gotten mildly better with time but still not great at time keeping.

No it's not just you. Outside influences make all the difference.

I get ds up on time to go to school, then he'll spend an extra 10 minutes in the loo.

Or last week I arrived at a hosp for a gynae appt, which said go to xyz building. Which I did, early, only to discover that there was a gynae dept on each of the 5 floors so I was left running up and down hunting for separate receptions.

I think you have to allow an extra 30 mins for other people's idiosyncrasies.

In the morning I know we need to leave the house at 8:30 or 8:35 by the latest my DD is someone who can never be on time so I allow 10 minutes to get shoes and coats on (with a built in extra of 5 mins) This means they need to be ready by 8:20. They get a regular count down 20 mins to go, 10 mins to go etc.

I set alarms on my phone. Say need to be at gym for 10.30 and it's 15 minutes from my front door to actual gym room door... not the car park.
I get an alarm at 9.45 to say gym at 10.30. This gets me thinking right start rounding up what you're doing.
Next 15 minutes to get changed, faff.
At 10.00 I could leave but voice in my head says that's too early.. heaven forbid I'm early.
I try not to get sucked into anything else. If all goes to plan I leave at 10.15..

But in all honesty I get sucked in and I'm late

ADHD time vortex here too.

@Sparklfairy My 'D'M is like this too. It was an absolute nightmare through my whole childhood. She managed to be late to my wedding, even though I lied about the time she needed to be there. My childhood is full of memoires of almost missing flights, sneaking in late to things, being the only child waiting for a parent at the school gate etc.

I have ADHD and I am always early because my childhood was so marred by lateness.

I'm exactly the same and hate it. Time just vanishes and I have no idea where it goes, I am always rushing.

I strongly suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD. However, I wouldn't want to take medication so I just accept it's likely and follow some people on Insta who give good advice for dealing with it.