To think this is too much to ask elderly GP’s?

[PickledTuna]

DH and I have been invited to a weekend away. DH has asked his parents (early 80’s) to look after DS 5 and DS14. DS14 is very good and will help with DS5. DS5 has ASD is quiet, needs help with independence/road sense. GP’s are active, independent and will drive a long way to look after our children. However there are quite a few things I do that are second nature (e.g always hold his hand if I walk onto our front drive/along the road/keep him away from swings in park etc) which I’m not sure I can expect GP’s/ DS14 to religiously do? DH and I will be about an hour away from DS’s.

We are elderly GPs. Not 80 yet, but not in good health. I think it is totally unreasonable to ask properly elderly GPs to look after grandchildren for the weekend on their own.

I would say only you know whether they are capable of looking after your children. If you don't feel comfortable with it, I wouldn't. I think it's one thing babysitting in an evening when you are contained in a house, entirely another when you are out and about. My husband's parents don't babysit as they are in their late 80s and I don't feel they are capable physically.

Have they ever looked after ds5 before?

Elderly covers a wide variation - if they are running marathons and look after him regularly you are probably ok.

Otherwise... do they feel up to it?

I don't think anyone can answer this for you.

I know 80 year olds who go off travelling on their own and who would be more than capable of this, and others who would struggle caring for one child in the house for longer than an hour.

I think even when you're young at heart when you're in your 80s you're elderly. If it was just a sensible 14 year old maybe but not a 5 year old.

Well my grandparents were 72 and 70 when I was born (and in their late seventies when my youngest sibling was born). They provided full time childcare for my mum until I was in my teens (when I continued to visit daily and help cook/clean for them).

So two active elderly adults and one teenager should have no trouble at all with one 5 year old in my opinion.

Gosh I don't thinks it's appropriate

Do they want to do it? My DF is 83. DMil is 80. Both drive, socialise, walk, DF plays sports, both travel overseas. Both would be entirely able to care for a 14 year old and a 5 year old whom they know well overnight. It is so dependant on the individual. But if you are not comfortable then don’t do it.

Thanks all. DH thinks it’ll be ok. I don’t. I think it’s too much of an ask. One GP is ok but tends to have to manage the other GP who - I think - could persuade everyone to go out, but would ‘expect’ DS5 to have road sense when he doesn’t. I’m not too fussed about attending the event…

If they want to do it then it will be fine.

If they were doddery I'd rethink it.

I really wouldn’t. Your DS14 is likely to end up with most of the responsibility and that is too much to ask. It’s a bit selfish to expect it.

If you're not comfortable with it then it's fine to say no.

If one GP isn’t up to it and has to be managed by the other, I’d think a whole weekend is probably not a good idea.

If they didn’t go out, I think it would be ok. But think they are being asked to do so much already, and I cant really dictate/or insist that they don’t go out.

They are amazing, active, travel etc. I hope to be like them when I’m 80.

@PickledTuna if you are travelling early Saturday and back on Sunday doesn't seem to be too much, especially as your 14 year old will also be there?

Your DH thinks they'll be ok, he's already asked them, they've presumably said yes?

I’m not too fussed about attending the event…

I get the feeling you don't want to go and if it was something you did want to go to, you'd think they'd be ok.

I think I’d be more inclined to see it as my 14 year old’s looking after DS with a mature family member to oversee.

But if your gut tells you it isn’t safe then I would go with that x

@CharmedCult

He has asked and they’ve said yes, but I thought we’d all be staying together near the event. I do want to go, but I think I’d be worried and I’m ‘not fussed’ in that I’m prepared not to go.

I wouldn’t want to go anywhere if I didn’t feel 100% sure that things were as safe as possible.

It’s not just the looking after, they’ve got a 4 hour drive to get to us, and we’ll not see them very long - only the children. I’m thinking to arrange something where we are all together -rather than using them as baby sitters.

@Bex5490

Hmm, maybe. I think my issue is that one GP is perhaps less capable, but more dominant - and could persuade them all to go out/or drive them all somewhere. That GP thinks that DS5 is ‘spoilt’ rather than seeing his needs. In fact, if it was just the other GP and DS14 I think I’d be ok with it…

Will they be patient with DS5 if they believe they are spoilt rather than having additional needs?

That makes things much more worrying.

Could you pay your 14yo to babysit with gps as support?

Few 80 year olds recognise additional needs. More likely they think he is molly coddled and just needs to get a grip.

I think one GP will be patient, the other won’t. But the one who is patient tends to not make the decisions, and will be managing other GP plus DS5 - but with help from DS14.