To ask for non-medication based ADHD tips

[scatteredgreymatter]

Posting for traffic, sorry.

I am basically pretty sure I have ADHD but I don't want to commit to a life time of medication, don't want to wait 3 years to find out for sure, and don't have a grand to spend on an only semi useful private diagnosis.

So - has anyone seen a private therapist online that they would recommend? I think CBT could really help.

What about these apps, Inflow, etc? Are they any good?

I am looking for something a bit more of a commitment than other coping mechanisms, like write lists. I've tried a lot of different lists app. I think I need something at least partially therapy based.

I live off of a calendar on my kitchen wall!! It’s in a place where I see it every time I leave the kitchen and it’s a godsend. I always lose planners or lose interest in them or just forget about them in general but the calendar I can always see.

if I need to tackle a big cleaning task I give myself hours or days to tackle it not all at once. Had a huge spare room clear out and decided to do it over three days set myself one task that needed to be finished each day and made it my most dreaded task - I procrastinated by doing other tasks to avoid doing the one I dreaded but had to do the dreaded task as it was my one goal for the day.

I don’t do my own washing - I send it to the laundrette. I forget about it or I live off clothes horses for weeks on end. I even take my babies stuff there. They’ll wash, dry and fold it all so I only have to take it home and put it away and can generally get it done by the evening if I put it in in the morning.

If I need a break I need a break. I live far from family and don’t have a lot of support around me so my daughter goes to nursery one day a week while I’m on mat leave. I drop her off at 8 and pick her up between 5:30-6 and i lay in bed and rot most of the day. It’s great, it’s quiet and I can just relax and deal with any burn out.

Understanding I get things done better at night. My peak times are between 11pm-2am, I used to get up early to get ahead on tasks till I realised that wasn’t actually working as there were too many distractions but everyone’s asleep between 11 and 2 so it’s perfect.

Most importantly though - I don’t feel guilty about saying my ADD makes things really hard because it does.

I came to say this. Also bullet points- I can write them, but I leave the lists unfinished.
I'm diagnosed, never found anything useful.
May try the caffeine.

We are still waiting for a diagnosis for my 15yr old DS, but the thing that works for him is cardiovascular exercise. He is like a different person after he goes running. Luckily he loves running.

The biggest thing that helped me was listening to Dr Hubermans ADHD episode (podcast)
A neuroscientist from Harvard. He’s having a big moment in the health field.
He’s very thorough and comprehensive.
I don’t take meds for various reasons.

Interestingly my old school reports helped put the puzzle together. I am in my 50's and there was no ADHD when I was at school. If you were disruptive you were expelled.
My parents downsized when I was in my 40's and gave me a box of old school stuff. My reports repeatedly stated 'daydreamer', 'talks too much', 'easily distracted '. They actually helped me realise I had ADHD and wasn't just a crap human being. Spent my whole life thinking I had a personality disorder/depression etc. No idea why my parents kept them but I'm glad they did

I also get things done better at night, that's when I've always done work. In fact, when I was single/childless and worked in an office, I would dick about the entire day and then have really productive hours between 3-7pm and often later. I'd often log on late at night at home and power through some stuff that I just couldn't get done at other times. However, now my DH wants to go to bed at 10pm and I want to be a productive human like him, so I try and do it too. My time to spend with my kids is basically most of the other time I used to be productive. So now I'm just left with the dicking around the entire day, not catching up as I used to, and hating myself for it!!!

I don't want to go back to how I was though. I want to sleep at night and work in the day. Is there any hope of training myself?!?!

I think mine said the same. Daydreams, doesn't focus. I was bright though and still did well. Also because I could hyperfocus in exams when there really wasn't another option, i've always been like that - at the 11th hour when it is no longer optional, I can pull my finger out. The other thing that really rings a bell is getting lots of A for attainment, and then the lowest grade for effort. Because of the daydreaming.

Yep, I did well too but all last minute cramming. My memory is my biggest problem! I regularly forget colleagues names which is embarrassing, I have a real problem with names.
When I went on to do professional exams I vividly remember my entire lounge being covered in notes, like one of those scenes from a crime drama

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@scatteredgreymatter I'm like this. Perform really well "under pressure at last minute" but rapidly realising it's because I'm not motivated to start until o have to. Yet make myself feel sick with fear frequently about not being organised and live in a chaotic house and with children who can't organise themselves. I hate myself for being like this.

A solid cleaning tip is to take something from each room you are in to tidy it

So when you walk from room to room always do a quick scan to pick something up or put it away

Once you get into the habit of this it becomes easier over time

I find this drastically helps with keeping things in order & creating less of a messy trail

Honestly I’m not sure - I know I’ll need to fix my patterns as my baby gets older and more mobile etc but currently I quite literally nap when she naps because when she’s asleep I do all the cleaning and even do things like meal prep at 11 oclock at night haha. So even if I got to bed at 2 and she has me up at 7:30 I know I’ll have another sleep in the day.

I don't live in a chaotic house because DH is too strict with me for that to happen, and really pulls his weight, plus I have help in the home and they keep us on the straight and narrow. As a child/at university I lived like a little piglet with the messiest bedroom imaginable. I have actually managed to successfully change that aspect of myself and am now on the most part a tidy person who prefers not to live in mess.

I guess this shows that I can do it. I think being junior at work was better as was just told what to do and when by. I now need DH to be my boss at work too, like in the home. Basically I do much better with supervision.

This is me. My school reports are full of "very bright but...". I struggled with coursework and usually handed in something very half-arsed done the night before (or often after, after much shouting) the deadline. With the adrenaline of exams, I did well.

Because I was painfully shy, and lived in a daydream, most teachers didn't really notice I existed, but those that did wrote me off as lazy. And I think I internalized it.

I was only when it was something that really did matter to me (namely looking after my son) and I was still struggling and being accused of being lazy, that I started to question the label.

A huge thing for me was acceptance. Learning to be kind to myself, accepting and finding peace with my limitations. Often dropping the bar of my own expectations. Finding hacks, but then knowing the hacks will always stop working and I will need new ones. I always want a forever solution, and then crash when they eventually stop working.

This is the most resonant thing for me from @MrsMikeHeck.

When you say you work from home, that set off alarm bells for me, and hearing you wonder if you're lazy because you can't get things done. I tried medication, it wasn't that helpful for me. In the end I realised I was in a job that really didn't fit my style (content creation, social media management). There wasn't a lot of detailed structure and external accountability - I had to set small goals and find my own strategies.

I have now changed careers to a job with VERY high structure and accountability and lo and behold, I'm incredibly productive and good at my job. Being so busy and productive has made me more careful to stay on top of other things like medical appointments because I have times built into the day to check over calendars etc.

Obviously you can't easily change jobs or change your living situation etc but at least go easy on yourself and consider, maybe I'm fine but it's my circumstances that aren't ideal for my brain. It might make you happier to take a bit of that perspective.

I know this is a really old thread, but my goodness, how all of this resonates deeply and OP, I feel like you and I share the same brain, and the same frustrations.

I'd love to know if there are any other threads like this, full of wisdom, kindness and tips?

Can you get rhodiola where you live? It’s a supplement that helps with ADHD. When I’m not taking meds I’ll take rhodiola and a caffeine pill which gives me a milder focus.

I have just read this thread too and it resonates a lot with me - and describes one of my children! Very interesting

Thanks so much for the suggestion - I'll check it out as I've not heard about that. All suggestions gratefully received!