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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opinion on grandparents

58 replies

Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:47

Our son has been really ill this weekend and we have been updating the grand parents. Yesterday they went for a nice meal with our brother in law and sister in law despite knowing that our toddler was sick and that we have a one year old too. Does anyone else think this is selfish? Should they have cancelled their plans? They didn't bother to ask us if we needed any help but were very eager to update them

OP posts:
Comedycook · 03/03/2024 11:48

Yabu.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/03/2024 11:49

I know it's worrying when a child is ill but you can't expect the world to stop turning.

They are concerned and want updates. Yes, it would be nice if they offered to help but have you asked for help? If you want help, ask them.

Bobskeleton · 03/03/2024 11:50

If you didn't need help then I can't see why they shouldn't go out.

Raccaccoonie · 03/03/2024 11:50

I don't follow... why does you being sick mean they can't go out? What? Far better than them trying to pressure you to mix and spread it or hassle you do to something you're not feeling up to.

Sparklesocks · 03/03/2024 11:50

No, I don’t think that’s selfish. They are entitled to spend time with other people in their lives! They don’t have to drop everything for a poorly grandchild.

Lulu1919 · 03/03/2024 11:50

Really ...well they've been asking about your poorly child.
Why would they cancel plans ?
Did you ask for help ?
Is your child infectious ?

Raccaccoonie · 03/03/2024 11:51

I'm assuming they live close by and not several hours away. Why not give relevant info in the first post.

Star81 · 03/03/2024 11:51

I wouldn’t ask grandparents to help caring for a sick child, you don’t want others getting ill. As you and your husband are both there I don’t think k any other adults are required. That’s what parenting is , looking after your children and when they are ill it’s you they want anyway.

May seem harsh but they haven’t done anything wrong and have shown caring by wanting updating.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/03/2024 11:51

You're being entirely unreasonable. Your child is ill so grandparents who presumably live in a completely different house to you should stay home. Why?

Original poster
Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:51

Thanks for the clarity

OP posts:
campingwithdoggo · 03/03/2024 11:51

Surely this isn't a real post

Comedycook · 03/03/2024 11:52

Although how ill are we talking here? Are they in hospital? Or are we talking standard seasonal bug? If the former, then an offer of help would have been nice. If it's the latter, then whilst it isn't much fun for you, you can't expect other people to put their lives on hold

Anyway...hope your dc is better soon.

Meadowfinch · 03/03/2024 11:52

Yabu. If you are caring for your dc, why should they not go out and eat? I'm confused. By sick, do you mean on a ventilator in an ICU, or just poorly at home?

Screamingabdabz · 03/03/2024 11:54

If you needed help you should ask. People aren’t mind readers.

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 03/03/2024 11:54

I think tiredness from dealing with a poorly child is clouding your judgement

RatatouillePie · 03/03/2024 11:55

YABU.

Life doesn't stop just because someone else has a poorly toddler.

Original poster
Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:55

@everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack definitely hence the question. But thank you all I need was a bit of clarity that's all. And I clearly got that lol.

OP posts:
Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 03/03/2024 11:56

Unless your child is very seriously sick then YABU and a bit crazy.

Original poster
Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:57

@everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack pretty sick he's in A&e and being admitted to hospital. So no I'm not being unreasonable. People should try and be kind with their comments than assume!

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 03/03/2024 11:57

No matter how much I am trying, I still can’t see your viewpoint in this.

Aren’t young children unwell on a regular basis? Don’t lots of parents have more than one child? Is this post a reverse?

WhateverMate · 03/03/2024 11:58

Blimey, even if my toddler was in hospital it wouldn't enter my head to think other people weren't allowed to eat out.

Original poster
Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:58

I have already said I appreciate the clarification so that I answered my question. There is no need for comments to be so rude. I think some comments here are being unreasonable. What happened to people being kind. I wasn't being awful but asking a question.

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 03/03/2024 11:58

YABU.
Why shouldn't they carry on?

Ladylalaboo1 · 03/03/2024 11:59

I don't think they were being unreasonable but it's the feeling you have in the moment ( sick child caring for them other children and then not sleeping) makes you angry and feel they are being selfish even though in reality they aren't. I've been their op, get really annoyed because they haven't done more to help, but then in reality I probably wouldn't want their help and it's fine that they did go out. Try and get some rest when you can ❤️ and it's normal to be stressed and think unreasonable things when in a heightened state ! X

TheSnowyOwl · 03/03/2024 11:59

Mumoneboy · 03/03/2024 11:57

@everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack pretty sick he's in A&e and being admitted to hospital. So no I'm not being unreasonable. People should try and be kind with their comments than assume!

I’m sorry your child is unwell but do you expect grandparents to pause their lives every time it happens?

Every time we have had a child in hospital (except the time when our youngest daughter died) we have always had one parent at home with the others and one in hospital. We’ve never expected others to cancel plans for us or our children and they never have done.