Opinion on grandparents

[Mumoneboy]

Our son has been really ill this weekend and we have been updating the grand parents. Yesterday they went for a nice meal with our brother in law and sister in law despite knowing that our toddler was sick and that we have a one year old too. Does anyone else think this is selfish? Should they have cancelled their plans? They didn't bother to ask us if we needed any help but were very eager to update them

YABU. Unless child is in hospital.
My child was in intensive care and my mother didnt come until my adult sister's birthday was over..then she came to hospital shouting odds because i was saying i had no support..i needed you here. Now thats a situation that was me not being unreasonable...in this instance YABU

No reason for them not to go out unless you wanted them to do something? There are two of you so I wouldn’t assume you needed help if I were them.

No, I don’t think it’s selfish at all. Two parents is plenty to manage two children, whether one of them is ill or not. More adults in the house are just going to be disruptive. Calm and quiet and mum and dad are best for the ill child.

The fact that the grandparents want updates show their concern. I think their behaviour as described on this occasion is faultless.

If your kid is so unwell they might die in the time they are out having lunch then yes you have a point

You're being too precious, although it is slightly understandable. Life goes on, and they were with equally close family. You are not their only priority.

This makes me think a little differently now, because I've been in this situation and one set of grandparents ( in laws) were kind of just blasé about the situation and just like ok update us if you can and the other set ( my parents ) my dad had my eldest daughter and my mum came to the hospital to sit with me and my partner ( she was admitted and needed urgent tests on her brain so it was a traumatic situation) and I genuinely, nor my partner, could have gotten through it without that support and they didn't have to be asked they just did that for us, which was very comforting. I understand not everyone is able but in your situation you are exhausted and wanting support so it is a kick in the teeth them going out etc if you are in a and e and worrying about your child. I don't think you are being that unreasonable op xx

I think the lack of info about your son being in hospital in your opening post has lead to unsympathetic replies.

Certainly if my son was being admitted to hospital my Mum would have asked if I needed any help. To be fair I would have told her to carry on with her plans, but she definitely would have offered.

Hope your son is OK. Its always very worrying when they have to go to hospital.

I don't really understand why it would take 4 adults plus a doctor and nurses to look after one sick toddler.

I hope he gets better soon, I know it is stressful to see them so sick.

What a worrying time for you op. I hope your dc recovers quickly 💐

You know really that they can absolutely go for a meal for a couple of hours, they can't be at the hospital and are just waiting for updates from you which they can get at a meal anyway.

Sometimes when we can't control a situation we do find something tangible to be annoyed at instead, and that's probably what's happening here.

Surely this is a reverse? Of course YABU to expect everyone else's lives to stop because one of your kids is ill.

Please bear in mind the vulnerability of some Grandparents to illness.

Get a grip

Or you should be clearer in your posts

I would be upset at this. I lost my dm over a year ago and really missed her during my difficult periods as she would have been here to support or at least offered. I have felt quite alone at times and it made me realise that I actually have no family now to lean on. It must be worse if you do have family but they choose not to offer support. I don’t think yabu. I would drop everything to help if one of my dc needed me. As my dm would have done for me. I hope you’re all doing well and your little one is on the mend soon.

The OP has admitted she was U. No need to keep laying it in.

Hope your child ia better soon OP!
X

Did you need help? If you were a single parent trying to manage a toddler in A&E plus a baby I would understand needing them but two children and two parents sounds like you had it covered. Also, did you ask for help? If you hadn’t asked for any help YABU to expect them to cancel their plans, to do what? Sit at home anxious by the phone? If there was nothing they could do they were fine to get on with their prearranged plans, I’m sure if there had been an emergency they would have come to help but it doesn’t sound like this was the case.

Mumoneboy as you have realised, the tiredness and stress you are currently experiencing has clouded your judgement concerning your in laws. All the other posts are offering perfectly balanced advice but I can see it from your point of view too, you are so worried about your little one it's hard to see why the other adults in his life wouldn't be as worried too, I would if it was my Grandson/nephew and would do anything I could to help the parents. Sorry but what you have realised in this time of worry is that you can't depend on those close to you for the same support that you would offer them. How you proceed in the future is up to you. I've experienced this with all my in laws and wish I'd realised sooner that I'm just a nicer more caring person who has been constantly disappointed by their actions.
Sending you and your little boy best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Spectacularly unreasonable. What were they supposed to do? Sit in their house in the dark?

But you were. You sat and stewed on their selfishness for a bit. Then posted here hoping people would agree how awful they were.

Her kids in hospital, shes stressed, she had an unreasonable moment, thanked people for clarifying she was being unreasonable. What's the actual point of carrying on stressing out someone going through a scary situation?

I certainly wouldn't expect them to cancel plans but my mum would anyway just in case we needed her.
I hope your little one gets better soon op.

If grandparents are close by and reasonably close, I'd expect them to offer to help.

My son was admitted as an emergency (sepsis) just before his first birthday. By the time I got to hospital he was critically ill and needed the crash team. It was a truly horrific couple of hours, made more bearable by DH and I being there together.

My PILs stepped up massively for that few days (which included a milestone birthday for FIL), providing practical and emotional support (I was still feeding DS and his twin sister who was at home 20 miles away, so DH and I did a lot of tag teaming). We were grateful to them, but I can't imagine them not having done it.

Sorry, forgot to say I hope your child is on the mend soon. Its horrible.

Wishing your little one a speedy recovery OP xx

Going on what you have posted, yes, YABU as almost everyone has said.

I mean, putting that they were in hospital in the opening post would have been quite useful information for people replying.
It's changed my thinking from 'You are being ridiculous' to a mere 'YABU'.

IF you needed them to look after your other dc, then that is different, but that doesn't seem to be what you are implying.
The way I'm reading your posts, you seem to be suggesting that, because you are going through a difficult time then no-one else can carry on with their lives. That is unreasonable.

I hope your little one recovers soon.
This probably isn't a great time for you to be asking things in AIBU.