To be annoyed at DH for going out?

[Mbarts89]

We’ve recently had our second baby (5 months) and life is hard - neither of us get much ‘time off’. So when an old friend text me to ask if either of us could join her last minute at a gig, I told my partner and he was keen (I was immediately ruled out as I’m still breastfeeding every couple hours). Problem is: the friend in question is quite flirtatious and I know my partner has been quite flirty back before - and he knows I have had issues with this in the past (this was a few years ago before we had children).

Trouble is, I was the one that told him she’d messaged and said ‘go if you really want to’ secretly hoping he’d read between the lines 🤦‍♀️

Anyway - AIBU for being annoyed that he chose to go? I’m now at home looking after our two children while he’s out with her - having the sort of one on one, fun time that me and my partner never get to enjoy together anymore (we haven’t been on a date in nearly a year)

Why did you even tell him?! I would have msged her back declining on both our behalfs!

You offered for him to go you can’t then complain he has gone. He isn’t a mind reader!

YABU. You can't tell him about the spare ticket (knowing you couldn't go) and then be annoyed he went.

You played a game of expecting your husband to be a mind reader and he unsurprisingly failed.

Well that’s not ok op. If you don’t wish him to go as you’re jealous you need to tell him that.

You told him to go and are now pissed off because he’s going? You are very definitely unreasonable!

You were mad to tell him! And he’s now having an evening out (date??) with a female who’s been a bit too flirty?

All kinds of wrong!

Is she his friend?

It sounds like a bloody date!

But you told him to go!

I know I think maybe I am a bit mad from sleep deprivation!

I think I told him it was “fine” because I knew if he went out then he’d give me an easier time this weekend (ie, he might give me a little guilt-free break from childcare - even 20 minutes for a bath is non-existent atm!)

Didn’t think this one through!! 🤦‍♀️

If you didn't want him to go you should have said so. Why tell him it was "fine" when you didn't mean it?

I can’t imagine a friend asking if my husband was free if I were not, why didn’t she go with somebody else?

Anyway, you suggested it to him so I don’t think you can really complain.

Of course YABU.
If you didn't want him to go, he didn't even need to know about it.

YABU expecting him to guess that you are saying one thing and hoping he will interpret that as being completely the opposite.

YABU for telling him to go when you didn't mean it.

It's really weird that he's gone out with your friend, we have loads of friends who are couples but I wouldn't go out with one of the men alone.

Why are you friends with someone you think will try it on with your husband?

It sounds like unbeknownst to him you set him a test and he failed, that is (said in the gentlest way possible) unreasonable of you. He more than likely interpreted you telling him about it and offering he go as you being ok with it.

I do totally understand and empathise with you. I know how it feels to hope someone would voluntarily make the decision you want them to make. But, as others have said, he's no mind reader and he's taken you at your word. However, you haven't given him free rein to flirt or behave inappropriately, it should just be two friends having a platonic night out.

It's done now, no point brooding too much. Hopefully he will reciprocate over the weekend and give you a bit of down time (again, ask him outright for this, he's still not a mind reader!). If he doesn't repay the courtesy, then he is unreasonable and more than a little selfish.

You need to start saying what you actually mean. In your head you’re bargaining a night out for a break over the weekend - have you TOLD him that or are you just hoping he’ll offer in the same way you hoped he’d know “go” meant “don’t go”? And if he doesn’t offer will you be cross again on Sunday night?

Communicate what you actually want.

You should be able to ask for—and get—the break anyway. That is the problem.

Trouble is, I was the one that told him she’d messaged and said ‘go if you really want to’ secretly hoping he’d read between the lines

He's a man, what you say is what you get. We keep telling you we don't do this "read between the lines" thing women for some reason expect of us but you don't learn.

YABU for telling him it's ok to go if you didn't want him to! Make sure you get a little break this weekend to make up for it 😊

You can’t be mad at him when

A) You told him about it in the first place

B) you said it was fine to go.

Im not sure why you even told him about it to be honest. Bonkers.

He's flirty with another woman, and he won't usually even give you 20 minutes off parenting to have a bath?!

You told him there was an offer of a free ticket to a gig and then told him he could go.
Of course you're being unreasonable.
Next time, try telling him how you actually feel instead of playing games.

Yabu for being mad it him.
but you need to seriously have a word with him about stepping up and taking half the load at weekends!!

I totally get why you're annoyed and feeling weird about the whole thing but it's not fair on him to want him to read your mind. You need to communicate with the man about helping with the household as well

Yabu for saying he should go, however I find it a bit off that he went with it being just him and a female friend who has history of flirting with him.

Next time, don't say anything if you aren't going and are offered tickets. This could so easily have been avoided.