To be annoyed at DH for going out?

[Mbarts89]

We’ve recently had our second baby (5 months) and life is hard - neither of us get much ‘time off’. So when an old friend text me to ask if either of us could join her last minute at a gig, I told my partner and he was keen (I was immediately ruled out as I’m still breastfeeding every couple hours). Problem is: the friend in question is quite flirtatious and I know my partner has been quite flirty back before - and he knows I have had issues with this in the past (this was a few years ago before we had children).

Trouble is, I was the one that told him she’d messaged and said ‘go if you really want to’ secretly hoping he’d read between the lines 🤦‍♀️

Anyway - AIBU for being annoyed that he chose to go? I’m now at home looking after our two children while he’s out with her - having the sort of one on one, fun time that me and my partner never get to enjoy together anymore (we haven’t been on a date in nearly a year)

Aahh OP this scenario rings a lot of bells!! I’ve struggled with stuff like this - saying things are ok, wanting to say yes, when actually they are not ok and really I want to say no!! It’s caused a lot of problems and resentment in my relationship and we’re both working on it. I’ve been practising trying to be more open and assertive in my communication - I’m learning simple things like giving yourself time to think before you respond… “let me think about that”… and stating what you need… “my friend has offered a ticket, but actually, what I need is some time to rest so I would like us both to stay at home”… are habits I’ve found helpful to try and get into. Live and learn!!

The gig is the least of your problems. Why aren’t you getting childfree breaks? How much parenting does he do?

It’s in the op, she’s breastfeeding.

@JJathome I’m not saying a weekend away but OP says she is hoping that letting him go to this will mean he might take the DC for a bit at the weekend so she can have a break. He shouldn’t need to have a treat before actually doing some parenting

Every two hours, that at least clears some time, especially if she feels she can’t get a shower in peace. I think her dh should book her into somewhere nice - a spa if she likes that kind of thing - or for a massage, bring her there and collect her to maximise her time and have a lovely dinner waiting for her when she gets home.

I would be annoyed, but tbh OP you did kind of give him the green light to go. Also, a year is a long time not have had a one on one date away from the children. Do you have family of friends who can maybe babysit now and again to give you and your dh some child free time together? I get you’re breast feeding, but surely the odd formula feed wouldn’t be too big a deal?

I'm breastfeeding.

Last weekend I had a haircut, a swim and an evening out, and this morning, my husband was surprised when I came down to join them at 8am as he expected me to lie in for longer. He kept entertaining our son for another hour so I could shower and have breakfast before he went out.

Even in the days of mad cluster feeding, he'd make sure I got breaks to shower, stretch or take a quick walk around the block.

Because he's not a bellend, and our son won't break if I leave him the odd hour.

This is such a load of old shite.

Men are perfectly capable of thinking, undertaking nuance and being sensitive too.

Society tells us they shouldn't be, but then society tells women that they should be quiet, slim, pretty, always nurturing and always considering themselves last. Also a load of old shite.

I wouldn’t like that at all, but I am not sure why you told him there was a ticket available and I am not sure how you expected him to mind read. Just be honest.

You should be able to at least get a bath op

Yeah sorry. YABU